


From the ashes (we will rise)

by kate_fy



Series: Arendelle-Nattura [2]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Elsa (Disney), But it has a happy ending i promise, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Family Feels, Hans sucks, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Summaries, IF YOU LOVE HANS DONT READ THIS I SWEAR, Kristanna, Physical Abuse, Sociopath Hans (Disney), Theres lots of angst, and he sucks too, kristanna children, no powers, runeard is alive in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 81,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24155035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate_fy/pseuds/kate_fy
Summary: (AU) The last time Elsa saw Honeymaren was 10 years ago. But after a faithful coincidence, they're forced to reunite under different and strange circumstances. Feelings resurface but so do many secrets and untold truths. Will they bear the heaviness of their decisions or will they succumb to the pressure of the perfect life Elsa has planned?(I know, I suck at summaries. I'm sorry)
Relationships: Anna/Kristoff (Disney), Elsa/Hans (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Series: Arendelle-Nattura [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858543
Comments: 325
Kudos: 233





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome my children.  
> I hope you're staying healthy and safe during these -still- difficult times. We are enduring this together.  
> Thank you for clicking on this, I love you already and I will adopt you. 
> 
> Anyway, go ahead and read my young padawan.

The feeling of emptiness wasn’t something unfamiliar to her existence. The social, cultural and financial status her family had reinforced in her traditional development as a child, forced her to grow that trait and stick it to her personality. She was naturally shy, an introvert in all sorts - the quiet and calm of the ocean in the morning. She constantly assured herself everything was okay. She was not  broken; she was just different. 

But as the morning rays casted a powerful glow in the room, she felt empty. Truly, genuinely empty. Not because the contents of her stomach had been emptied out some time in the night. But because she was utterly ashamed. 

Her dark blue eyes were fixed on the naked body lying next to her, the bare back adorned with faded freckles. And she couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. The implications of her acts replayed non-stop in her mind, the look of disappointment in her peers, her family and her friends. Who was she if not the perfect girl everyone knew? Who was she if not the image she grew to form and establish among the people she surrounded herself with? 

A sudden movement caused her to snap from her thoughts. She watched the girl turn around – still in deep sleep cuddling closer to her, seeking warmth and company. It was in that moment that the whole world became fuzzy and chaotic. 

Flashbacks of the night before had come in full swing, with no restrictions nor hesitations. And she was finding it hard to suppress the painful groan the headache was giving her. 

_ She was sitting on a stool at the local bar, waiting for the bartender to pour her the 3 _ _ rd _ _ and hopefully final gin and tonic. She was alone, replying in her mind the reasons behind her presence in such a low place.  _

_ A few men had approached her, tried to get her a few drinks and maybe something more but she refused. She wasn’t here for anything other than a drink and some time alone. Couldn’t they take a fucking hint?  _

_ She gulped down the liquid and was about to leave when her phone buzzed, alerting her of an incoming text message.  _

_ ‘Are you still mad?’ He had texted and she suddenly felt her blood boiling.  _

_ ‘Are you still an idiot?’ She replied, not waiting for an answer and throwing her phone in her bag. The thought of leaving the place and going back to her apartment didn’t sound appealing at all, so she ordered another drink and then another. And at some point, she couldn’t really remember why she was mad in the first place.  _

_ A man took a seat next to her and she didn’t have to look up at him to know what he wanted from her. Was she willing to give it to him? She had given away so much already, what was the matter  _ _ anyway _ _? _

_ ‘’Hey’’ The man said. ‘’I’m Caleb’’  _

_ ‘’Elsa’’ The blonde managed to say before feeling the guy’s lips on hers. She really didn’t feel like accepting this behavior from anyone, never again like she had promised herself a while ago but couldn’t find the strength to stop him even if her tiny and slim hands kept pushing him away. Who cared anyway? _

_ ‘’Hey!’’ A woman’s voice echoed in the place and she felt some hands pushing him away and before Elsa could understand what was being said between the two, the man left. ‘’Are you okay?’’  _

_ Her eyes met the woman’s warm caramel ones and she knew there was something familiar and comforting about them. It took her a few seconds in her drunken state to connect the very obvious dots and when she did, she couldn’t help the gasp that left her mouth. ‘’Maren?’’  _

_ ‘’What are you doing here, Elsa?’’  _

_ ‘’It’s a bar. You don’t own it’’ She had replied in the only way she thought she could. Like a six-year-old. Maren chuckled, shaking her head slightly and taking her almost empty glass away from her.  _

_ ‘’I think you should go home’’  _

_ But Elsa didn’t want to home. And the way the brunette was suddenly leaning against the counter was igniting every repressed feeling Elsa had been trying to finely conceal for the past 10 years. But she couldn’t. There was a tiny voice whispering in her ear that anything related to her past was to remain there. She grabbed her purse and searched inside of it for her keys. She could find another place to go, she needed to.  _

_ ‘’Like hell you’re driving’’ Maren stopped her, snatching the keys from her hands.  _

_ ‘’Then you drive’’  _

_ ‘’I’m fucking drunk, Elsa’’ The brunette snapped, sitting  _ _ o _ _ n the stool next to the girl and putting both her hands  _ _ o _ _ n her face. ‘’I have a whole sober act going on here but I’m wasted. Not as wasted as you, girl. You’re trashed’’  _

_ The blonde scoffed, putting a hand over her chest clearly offended. ‘’I’m just a little drunk. Give me back my keys!’’  _

_ ‘’No. Now give me your address so we can ask someone to call a cab for you’’  _

_ ‘’Like hell I’m going home’’ Elsa snapped back, settling in her position and crossing her arms against her chest, stubbornly. _

_ A loud sigh escaped Maren’s mouth as she closed her eyes, clearly counting to calm herself down. ‘’You’re still the immature girl you were 10 years ago’’  _

_ ‘’Excuse me?!’’ It was a personal attack Elsa never saw coming. If there was something she was proud of, was her level of maturity and her capability to be reasonable when needed. Maren’s point was clearly invalid to her eyes so she took full offense to the words been spoken ‘’What are _ _ you _ _ even doing here?!’’  _

_ ‘’It’s a public bar, Elsa’’  _

_ ‘’No. What are you doing here talking to me? I haven’t seen you in 10 years’’ She had calmed herself now and was thinking straight enough to ask that question. Something that now was making less and less sense to her.  _

_ The brunette’s light brown eyes turned a dark shade and she looked away. ‘’I thought you could use a hand, with that douche that tried to take advantage of you’’  _

_ ‘’Oh, like you care?’’ She snapped and Maren frowned, taken aback by the sharp hurtful words.  _

_ ‘’Do I care that a woman was being harassed? Yes, I do’’  _

_ A silence settled between them. None dare to speak, too terrified to say something wrong or anything at all. Elsa ordered another drink, ignoring Maren’s disapproval look. They remained in silence for a few more minutes, until  _ _ Honeymaren _ _ couldn’t stand it anymore.  _

_ ‘’What are you doing here alone on a Friday night, Elsa?’’ She dared to ask, knowing fully well the answer she could get from the blonde could be as painful and harsh as she probably deserved. The blonde looked up to meet Maren’s gaze but found she was clearly looking at something else. Elsa followed her gaze that landed on the shiny diamond ring on her left hand.  _

_ She wanted to say something but Elsa instead, sighed. Gulping down the rest of her drink and passing her finger through the rim of the glass. ‘’I needed to be alone’’  _

_ And when her blue icy eyes met Maren’s again, she knew there was nothing she could do that night other than to scream her name to infinity, hoping it would remain there for a lifetime.  _

And while the memory of the night before clearly painted a soft smile on her lips, she felt the guilt starting to build. A quick glance at the clock on the nightstand was enough to make her utopic dreamy night come crashing against the reality of her life. 

‘’Shit’’ She whispered, getting up from the bed and retrieving the clothes that were scattered on the floor. ‘’Fucking hell’’ She continued to whisper as her headache forced her to slow down. 

‘’Elsa?’’ A soft voice made her stop, turning around fast. Maren was sitting up, covered with the white sheets of her bed. The morning rays softly touching her body, making her skin glow. A magical sight for anyone who dared take a minute to appreciate it enough. And she did. She took a whole minute to appreciate the wonderful woman she had in front. The woman who had broken her heart, who had left her alone, shattered her heart in tiny pieces and never explained herself. ‘’What are you doing?’’ 

And Elsa felt the guilt rising again. And also anger. So much anger for all the unjustified pain and unanswered questions. ‘’I have to go’’ 

‘’Why?’’ Maren’s voice was still quiet and small, her hangover forbidding her from doing more. ‘’I can make breakfast’’ 

Elsa finished putting her shirt on and grabbed her shoes that were by the door. ‘’We don’t have to do that; I have a husband’’ She was at the verge of tears, a heavy feeling sitting on the pit of her stomach. She had a life. She managed to move on after the mess that was picking herself up from the whatever rock bottom Maren had left her to rot in.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Maren sensed something was off and dared to ask.

Elsa looked at her. ‘’No. This was a mistake’’

And she left the apartment, took a cab and did her own version of a walk of shame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kate, do you really need to take on this new story? You already have another one that you don't update but refuse to let go. I know, I know. But this one is different. It's been chillin' in my drafts for the past month and it's halfway written. Even I am proud of myself.  
> But yeah. I was gonna wait a few weeks to post this but you know, I'm too anxious to wait (you know I don't have that kind of patience sort of thing) and this is the result. So please, if you like it, leave a comment. I love to reply to them (when I see them, which I will).
> 
> And my lovely goal is to post a chapter every Tuesday bc why not. Having a schedule is important. And here I am being an adult.
> 
> That's all,  
> Thank you!!


	2. Chapter 2

Her phone had died sometime in the night – along with some of her dignity, of course - which she was very grateful for. The one thing she knew for sure was bound to happen were the endless calls and text messages from her worried sister. She was supposed to be at her house two hours ago. 

Yet she couldn’t be bothered to care. Not when the burden of her own actions was too much of a shame. She had her own share of emotions to deal with, her own trail of upcoming thoughts to face and mostly conceal and she really needed a  _ fucking _ shower. 

As she stepped inside the apartment, she sighed relieved when she was engulfed by the silence. It was intoxicating and somewhat extremely welcoming to not having to face anyone, at least not yet. Her feet carried her down the hall into the master bedroom, that luckily was also deserted. 

Her mind filled with memories of the first time they had decided to buy this apartment. It was a few weeks before getting married, it was a gift to themselves; something to look forward to after their honeymoon. A place they could call their own, make it home and cozy. And they did. Faster than she could tell it became the home she found shelter in, where she hid herself from the world when she needed to, where warm arms comforted her and protected her. She sighed loudly, battling against the headache and heartache. Her wrong actions were still consuming her alive, threatening to overcome her. 

She thought of him as she made her way to the bathroom. How every corner of the room had his name written. With memories, with scents, with soft and caring touches. He had been an amazing husband the past 2 years and a steady, warm presence for a total of 4, ever since that faithful morning at the café downtown where they crashed into each other. He had been there for her in the long nights when her job was exhausting her to the bone or when she really needed the simplicity of a hug. 

Elsa allowed the hot water to wash away her sins and dissipate some of her guilt, the cold water at the end soothing her headache and awakening her in the process. She made her way out and got dressed and after doing that she moved to the kitchen, where her phone had been charging in the meantime. 

She tapped the screen while waiting for the coffee to brew and noticed the multiple text messages and missed calls she had. From Anna, her husband, Kristoff, even her Father who never called. She took a big breath before calling her sister, knowing fully well what was to come. 

‘Hey-’

‘What the fuck, Elsa?!’ Anna’s voice echoed in the blonde’s kitchen, which spoke volumes of the mood the redhead was in. ‘You were supposed to be here hours ago helping me with the preparations for today. Instead I had to drag your husband and call mom and dad. They’re furious by the way, and we still don’t know where you are or what happened since your man won’t speak a word’ 

Elsa sighed loud enough for her sister to hear. ‘I’ll be there soon. I’m sorry, I’ll have a cup of coffee and be there’ She replied in a voice that sounded way too distant from the always confident one she carried with herself. 

Anna must’ve picked on that one because the noise on the background faded out. ‘Is everything okay?’ 

‘Yeah, don’t worry. I have to go pick my car somewhere and I’ll be there. I’m sorry again for failing you’ 

She ended the call with tears filling her eyes. An overwhelming feeling of utter sadness became too much to hold in and she found herself crying over the kitchen counter, shameful and disappointed at herself. Her husband had been helping her family while she was somewhere else being a mess and breaking her husband’s trust, her own trust. 

How could she face her family after this? How could she face anyone at all? She was genuinely ashamed of her behavior and not just that, she was even more ashamed of who she had decided – drunk or not  \- to spend the night with. 

Honeymaren was a topic she had avoided for a long time. They had met when they were both freshman in college. Somehow, they ended up hanging out in the same circle even if they studied different things. She was a law student and Elsa  was a business major.

Despite all that, she felt instant attraction towards the girl. She was funny, smart and incredibly attentive. They were friends for a while but everyone knew it was headed somewhere else despite Elsa’s own fears and denial, her own traditional and strongly shaped beliefs shielding her from the obvious truth. 

Still, she ended up in love with the brunette. Spending 4 years together despite her family’s very vocal disapproval of them. She didn’t care, she didn’t mind, not when they had very big plans together. Moving away to another country, working for another company, forgetting about her family’s disapproval of them and living a life together. Nothing else mattered as long as she had her by her side.

But all went crashing down when Maren left her without explanation nor a proper goodbye, just a simple text message that seemed surreal. The blonde found difficult to move on from that, the heartache being too much but she did so in the end, started to work for the family’s company in the position that had been saved for her since birth. And so on, she did exactly what had been planned for her. 

Getting married to a wealthy man was something that also had been approved by her family and while she loved him, the decision felt like someone else’s. And she was so cautious about everything she did in her private life, everything revolving her small family was always very intimate, sometimes not even Anna was aware of what was going on. And they liked it that way, they worked fine that way. 

That was the way she could partially justify the actions committed last night. 

She gulped down the remains of the coffee and headed out the door, calling for a cab and heading to the bar. As she stood outside the place, she felt a strange tightness around her heart. The place wasn’t as terrible as she had pictured it in her mind, in fact it actually looked nice in the broad light. In the past, she would’ve found this place somewhat welcoming. 

Her Tesla was still parked exactly where she had left it the night before which she was grateful for. She jumped inside, feeling the instant comfort of the familiar space and drove to the place she knew by heart. Anna’s house.

Today was a special day. It was their grandfather’s birthday and while he was a business man and surrounded himself with wealthy and powerful people, he still enjoyed the quality time with family. So, the tradition dictated that his birthday he would spend it with his family and the celebration with the rest of the world, meaning a fancy party or just hanging around the globe in expensive villas were left for another time the following week. 

After much planning, they had settled on Anna’s house for the gathering and a small brunch. Something simple and quiet, unlike any other celebration being held in the family which often resulted in extraordinary and  expensive celebrations.

Elsa glanced at the dashboard’s screen that signaled the time. 11:14am.  _ Shit _ . She sped up, her knuckles tightening around the steering wheel.  _ A speeding ticket would be nothing compared to her family’s rage. In fact, a car accident would be nothing compared to that _ , she thought. 

In less than expected she had reached her destination. The big colonial style house appearing in her field of vision, a loud relieved sigh leaving her mouth once she spotted the cars and none of them belonging to Runeard Arendelle. Those were good signs. 

She parked her car and waited inside, building up the courage to get inside the house and face everyone. She asked the superior force for strength to get through this one family meeting, she would do anything in return. She threw her head forward against the steering wheel, mentally preparing herself for whatever was to come when a sharp tap on the window made her jump. 

‘’Holy shit’’ She yelled, turning around to spot her sister who was standing outside of the passenger’s seat with her arms crossed. She motioned Elsa to unlock the door and after a few seconds of consideration and the threatening motion of Anna’s fingers passing through her neck like a knife, she gave in.

The door opened and the redhead jumped inside fast. ‘’Spill it, blondie’’ 

‘’What?’’ 

‘’Something’s wrong. Your hair is a mess, you look like trash. Didn’t even bothered to put on some makeup. I’m glad you got dressed, though’’ Anna rambled, looking at her older sibling. Elsa sighed, returning to her position on the steering wheel. ‘’I’m sorry, are you okay?’’ 

Elsa turned her head. ‘’I guess. I’m sorry for being late, I didn’t forget it’s just... a lot happened’’ 

‘’Yeah, I can tell. Mr. Elsa’s-sleeping-in-today won’t spill anything. I knew there was something off when he said those words. You never sleep in, unless you’re dying. You’re not dying, are you?!’’

The blonde chuckled, sitting up straight. ‘’No, Anna. I do feel like a zombie now but I’m not dying. We had a fight yesterday that’s all’’ 

The redhead nodded, looking at Elsa not entirely believing the story but deciding to accept it either way. ‘’How about we go inside and get yourself presentable? We have some of grandfather's friends coming over and the Chief Operations Officer of Arendelle Corporation can’t be seen looking like that’’ 

Elsa’s head snapped from her position to look at Anna - movement that caused a small pain in her neck. ‘’What?! I thought this was a family thing! Since when do we invite outsiders?’’ 

‘’Since now apparently. Grandfather asked me a few days ago and I couldn’t say no, it’s his birthday after all’’ Anna shrugged and got off the car. And Elsa did the same. 

Facing her family was one thing but facing some of her grandfather’s misogynists and extremely homophobic friends was something else. This was bound to end up bad.

They entered the house side by side but they sneaked up to the second floor and to Anna’s room, where she helped Elsa  prepare herself . She helped her putting some light make up  on  and fixing her hair. And after a few minutes, Elsa was ready to face any business man and make them give her money. They walked down the stairs and the blonde looked around, searching for someone in particular.

‘’He’s in the backyard with Lou’’ 

And Elsa watched Anna disappear through the kitchen, leaving the blonde to find her husband alone, which was okay because there were things that needed to be talk about and topics to be discussed and while she found herself being extremely scared and afraid of what it could end up in, she knew it was something she needed to do by herself.

She spotted him in the backyard, just like Anna had said. He was crouching down, playing with little Lou, Anna’s two-year-old. Elsa watched him for a little while, as he ran behind the kid trying to grab the small ball he was carrying. Loud giggles were heard and she smiled fondly at her little nephew.

‘’He’s really good with kids’’ Elsa heard her father’s voice, so she turned around and found him leaning over the wall a few steps behind her. He approached her and kissed her head. ‘’We thought you wouldn’t come’’

‘’I sent him to cover for me’’ The blonde pointed at the man still chasing around the tiny  blonde . ‘’You weren’t too tough on him, were you?’’

Agnarr remained quiet for a few seconds and then cleared his throat. ‘’Maybe I was’’ 

‘’Dad’’ 

‘’He has to know he married an  Arendelle not any common person. This is no normal family’’ He explained, making Elsa scoff. 

‘’As if that makes me feel any better’’ She mumbled, diverting her gaze to her husband again. She felt another kiss being planted on her head. 

‘’Go say hello to your mother, she’s been asking for you all morning’’ And he left. Elsa was alone again, with her thoughts and her new driven motivation to go talk to her husband and clarify everything. After all, he had indeed married an Arendelle. 

Her feet carried her to the backyard, the sun was shining brightly above her, her skin already feeling warmer. Louis spotted her before he did and she watched his tiny feet move fast  towards  her. Tiny arms wrapping around her bare legs as she kneeled and hugged him tightly, kissing him  o n the cheek. 

Before she could say anything to the little boy, something behind her caught his attention and he sprint ed away, leaving the couple alone.  S he stood up, straightening her light blue sundress awkwardly.

‘’Hey-’’

She started but was cut off by his lips on hers. It started as a sweet and gentle kiss but became something more, between needy and desperate. She was struggling to keep her hands on his face and not let them wander down his entire body. And he was battling with the same thoughts. Undressing her right there. 

‘’Hans’’ She whispered while trying to catch some breath. He looked at her swollen lips and leaned over to kiss her again but Elsa took a step back. ‘’We have to talk first’’ 

His dark green eyes turned lighter and he nodded, taking a big breath and pointing at a small bench at the very end of the backyard. He grabbed her hand and led her there. 

‘’I’m sorry’’ He spoke first, the whole speech prepared. ‘’I was an idiot, you were right. I shouldn’t let him get in between our business and I shouldn’t have let you leave alone, especially angry’' 

‘’No, that was my fault. I shouldn’t have stormed out like that, I behaved like a teenager last night and I apologize for that’’ Elsa retorted truthfully, squeezing his hand. 

He smiled sadly at her. ‘’Yeah, you actually freaked me out a little with the unusual behavior. Elsa  Arendelle not getting home? Never saw that one coming’’ There was a tint of something in his voice that Elsa couldn’t decipher, it wasn’t anger nor resentment per se but it was between those. Some form of sarcasm that made her sick. She was aware of her mistakes but hearing them from him, was something else, another way of punishment. 

‘’I said I was sorry’’ 

‘’I know but still, I was so damn worried!’’ He exclaimed, feeling himself lose his temper and Elsa frowned, a little taken aback from the tone of his words. He was usually calm, very put together and that’s what she liked the most about him, what made them so alike. But this felt new. 

‘’Okay, I understand. Are we going to talk about what happened yesterday before I left?’’ She asked calm, her business woman façade on. 

Hans scoffed, throwing his hands in the air and then crossing them over his chest. ‘’I said I was sorry about that’’ 

‘’And I heard you. Now you need to hear me, right? Because  Runeard getting in our personal life was something we both agreed would never allow, right?’’ She watched him nod softly, his head low. ‘’Then why did you go behind my back, made a deal with him about  _ my _ personal investments and thought I wouldn’t find out?’’ 

She watched him lower his arms and turn around. ‘’I didn’t make a deal about your investments; I just shared the information about them. He already knew about their existence but wanted confirmation of it. I made a deal about sharing some of mine with him, for the sake of our heritage’’ 

Elsa turned around so fast; she felt her brain failing to caught up with her movement. ‘’What heritage?’’ 

‘’He’s announcing today that he will retire of the board and give his seat to you father’’ 

For a full minute the whole world stopped. Elsa felt dizzy, her brain expanding with information that she never thought would reject knowing. The bile rising in her throat became hard to control and she leaned over the side, emptying the contents of her already empty stomach. ‘’Shit’’ Hans muttered, leaning over her and grabbing her hair while stroking her back. 

She felt sick, her world was spinning like crazy. The hangover was long forgotten because this was something else. Panic was rising in her body, filling her mind. Her father taking a seat in the board only meant that the CEO position was available for someone and that someone was her. And she didn’t want it, she knew she didn’t want that responsibility. 

‘’I need to leave’’ Elsa got up fast, cleaning her mouth with the handkerchief Hans had handed her. The world continued to spin and she fought hard against the dots dancing around her vision.

‘’Elsa’’ Hans grabbed her by the arm, trying to stop her but she pushed him aside with a strength that seemed foreign. She took a step but failed to take another and before she could try again, her vision went blank. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hello my friends, long time no see! 
> 
> I've been eagerly waiting for today so I could post this, like I said ... I have anxiety issues and lack of self-control but I pulled through and managed to patiently wait for today. It was torturous and it led me to rethink the whole posting once a week, I might have to post twice a week to fulfill my desires. So, let's leave it at every Tuesday AND Saturday. That sounds good right? 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you're all still healthy and good, happy regardless of this challenging period of history. I'm a millennial and I'm dying but AO3 is helping a lot (Was it mandatory to point out I was a millennial? No but it sounds like a big word. I'm borderline Gen Z tho, so you see the struggle) 
> 
> Again, comments are appreciated because I like the thought of people actually reading this and having the need to voice their opinions. I do it in almost every story I read, so yeah. 
> 
> That's all for today folks. 
> 
> Have a great week, see ya on Saturday!!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

‘’Elsie?’’ A soft voice spoke her name. She was certain it was an angel, with a soothing and calming voice calling her to heaven, where she probably didn’t belong.  _ But who was she to argue an angel? _ ‘’Elsie, wake up honey’’ The same voice spoke again and, in that moment, she realized it wasn’t an angel, it was in fact her mother’s angelical voice.

She opened her eyes; five pairs of concerned eyes were looking over at her. Her cheeks turned a bright shade of red at the unwanted attention. She tried to move her body but it felt heavy and unresponsive, she frowned in confusion. ‘’What happened?’’ 

‘’You passed out’’ Her mother spoke again, caressing her cheek. She noticed she was now lying on the soft couch in the living room. ‘’You scared us’’ 

‘’I’m sorry’’ Elsa apologized, sitting up. She looked around at her family, everyone was still looking at her quietly. The headache she thought was long gone had come back at full speed and she had to bite her cheek to stop the pained cry that threatened to leave her mouth.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Anna asked, not missing a beat. The redhead knew her sister the best and therefore knew there was something wrong even if she couldn’t necessarily read her older sister’s mind. ‘’We should take her to the hospital’’ She told her parents, who nodded in agreement. Yet Elsa dismissed them.

But Hans didn’t. His eyes were glued on her, filled with guilt and worry. Elsa motioned him to move closer and he did, kneeling in front of her and laying his head on her lap. ‘’I’m sorry’’ She whispered softly while wrapping her arms around his head.

‘’Don’t pull those stunts ever again, you hear me?’’ Hans said, not lifting his head. He wrapped her arms around her waist and squeezed her tight. She smiled, kissing his head and caressing his cheek. ‘’Are you sure you feel okay?’’ He asked a few minutes later, letting go of her. 

Elsa nodded slowly. ‘’Yeah, I have an awful headache but I’m okay. Grandfather is supposed to arrive soon so let’s not complicate the matters any more’’ She said while getting up. Hans helped her get up on her feet and walk around a little bit, regaining her senses. 

‘’About our conversation-’’

‘’No, let’s not talk about that now. Let’s enjoy today’’ 

And they did. Despite the concerning glances her family gave her every once in a while, she still managed to become somewhat helpful and finished setting one of the tables before the guests started to arrive. 

And before she even knew what was going on, she was thrown into casual business conversations; mostly unwanted. Powerful men had entered the house and what she thought would be a family evening surrounded by her nephews and loved ones, ended up being nothing but business. 

Runeard showed up late, making his great entrance holding a cigar in his hand. He stood tall among the rest, the façade of the powerful man he was never failed to amaze Elsa, even if she knew deep down, he was just a weak man. Just like the rest of his friends, who hid behind their money and power.

The blonde was quickly annoyed, having to endure extremely uncomfortable comments regarding her status in the company, not only as a woman but also as a beautiful one. She felt sorry for Hans who had to nod at them whenever they would congratulate him for scoring high or for marrying up. And he would squeeze her hand whenever they would comment about them not having children and Elsa being at fault. 

At some point she had to excuse herself and walk inside the house, the tension in her shoulders never easing. ‘’Are you okay?’’ Anna had followed her inside, catching up quickly. ‘’I swear grandfather has the worst friends ever’’ 

Elsa nodded, throwing herself to the closest chair and sighing defeated. ‘’I don’t know if I can keep doing that, maybe I can stay hidden here for the rest of the day’’ 

‘’That’d make two. Move so I can hide with you’’ Anna motioned her and she did so. The redhead sat on Elsa’s lap and rested her head on her shoulder.  They stood like that for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s company and the quietness the place provided, in comparison with the chaos that waited for them outside. ‘’I don’t know how you do it’’ Anna suddenly  said , her voice quiet and small. 

Elsa frowned, confused. ‘’Do what?’’ 

‘’Work in the family business’’ 

‘’Well, for starters I get paid a lot’’ She joked, making her sister laugh. In reality, she didn’t know why she did it. She graduated business school with a minor in graphic design which she loved and found herself enjoying much more than expected. It was easy for her, letting her mind flow with all the different ideas, allowing her imagination the opportunity to come to light and create. 

When she and Maren had planned back then to move away, she thought about pursuing a career in that field, doing something that made her genuinely happy. But plans changed and she was now doing what she was supposed to be doing since forever, taking over the international company that  ArenCo was. 

‘’What happened last night?’’ Anna asked, looking up to meet her sister’s bright blue eyes. ‘’You know you can tell me anything right?’’ 

The blonde smiled, passing a finger through her sister’s nose like when she was little. ‘’I know, I trust you more than anyone. I guess I’m not ready to speak about it yet’’ She confessed for the first time. And also, for the first time Anna nodded, letting go of the subject. 

‘’Girls?’’  Agnarr’s voice echoed in the kitchen and they heard the footsteps approaching. Elsa motioned Anna to remain quiet and she giggled softly in return. ‘’I thought I had grown daughters by now’’ He noted when spotting the two sisters hiding in a corner. ‘’C’mon, grandfather wants to make a speech’’ He announced and both girls groaned, already knowing how long and unbearable the allegedly speech was going to be. Typical  Runeard . 

Everyone had gathered outside, holding glasses of expensive champagne and ready to toast to whatever the old man was about to say. He noticed his granddaughters appearing and nodded at them. 

‘’When I was 24 years old, I started working for the family company. As many of you know, Arendelle Corporation has been on the map for over a century, transforming itself along with the technology, unlike some other companies who refuse to do so’’ He started. Elsa rolled her eyes at his already extremely self-centered speech. ‘’I worked hard to keep the company high, to teach my son the hard work that it takes to do so. And I’m a proud witness of that, watching him become the wonderful CEO he is. And I know there’s a lot more he can do with all the knowledge I’ve managed to pass him’’ He continued while looking at Agnarr - who was standing tall next to him - and patting his back. ‘’Today, I’m stepping down as a member of the board and leaving the seat to my son, Agnarr Arendelle’’ 

The quietness of the place turned into mumbling as the attendees were in between shocked and confused by the sudden breaking news. Elsa felt her chest tightening and her breathing increasing. Across the multitude of people, she spotted Hans, who was looking at her with concern eyes. He asked her if she was okay and she nodded, still feeling her heart beating way too fast. 

Her hands were trembling and she needed something, anything to ground her and keep her safe. A soft hand grabbed hers and she looked to the side. Anna was standing next to her, a concerned look on her face. ‘’Are you okay?’’ She muttered and Elsa shook her head. ‘’Breathe with me’’ Anna motioned her and the blonde followed her, regaining her calm a few seconds later. It wasn’t the first time Elsa had had an anxiety attack, in fact, she was diagnosed with anxiety disorder long time ago. Luckily Anna knew the signs and what to do. ‘’Did you know about this?’’ 

‘’ No ’’ Elsa replied, her throat still tight. 

‘’ Agnarr has been the CEO of the company for the past 21 years and he had done a wonderful work. But me and my advisors think it’s time for someone else to step up and take on that important job. From the moment she was born I knew she was the heir of the company one way or the other, and she hadn’t proven otherwise. She’s a natural leader, fierce businesswoman and mostly, she has a compassionate heart which will only work for the best. Elsa,’’  Runeard called out to her and she instinctively took a step forward, everyone’s eyes on her. ‘’The position of CEO belongs to you’’ 

And after that last sentence, she heard the  attendees  clapping at his speech. She was shocked even if she knew it was happening. And boy, was she grateful  Hans had told her .  Runeard continued his speech but she was no longer listening and it was soon over. Everyone raised their glasses and toasted for the man. 

Everything that followed happened in slow motion. A row of congratulations was in order for her, coming from everyone and she was exhausted of pretending that she was grateful. Because she wasn’t, in fact, she was angry. And while she tried to conceal it so finely, she couldn’t. 

It had been a shitty couple of days and she was growing restless at the increasing lack of control in her life, especially since  Runeard had made himself clear her business were his. But no, this was not something she was going to stay quiet about. He had assumed she would take the responsibility of being a CEO just because he had announced it not only in front of the entire board but also in front of other CEOs from important companies. The social pressure was higher, especially for her. The always perfect Elsa. 

She waited till the party was over. Just before he could sneak away and leave her alone with her rage. She caught him in the backyard, smoking his last cigar while putting on his big expensive coat. Elsa knew the place wasn’t the best, given that her family was around, helping clean up the mess but it w as now  or never.

‘’Pumpkin! Oh, I wish I could talk but duty calls and I have dinner reservations in a few minutes’’ He spoke before she could. He kissed her head but she grabbed his arm, stopping him. He frowned at her . 

‘’I don’t know if you  prefer we talk here and now or on Monday in your office when I deliver my resignation letter’’ She said, her voice ice cold. He straightened his posture, which made him look even taller than he already was. 

‘’Like I said, I don’t have time for little girl’s tantrums. We can talk on Monday, I don’t work with ultimatums’’ He replied, turning around. But Elsa wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily. 

‘’Then here it is: I quit’’ She spoke louder, catching not only his attention but her entire  family’s . He stopped in his tracks and turned around. ‘’I have done everything right, followed every rule. Attended every meeting, spoken with people I despise and had to drive back home crying because of the way some of them had treated me in front of you. Not a word you had said to defend me and I have never said anything. But this? Not coming to me first to ask me if I want the job? That’s low even for you,  Runeard ’’ 

She could see his face reddening, his fist  clenching under the gloves he was wearing. He still remained calm. ‘’Monday, 10am’’ And he left.

She watched him disappear inside the house and she sighed loudly, the courage dissipating and the regret coming to get her.  _ Fuck. _ What was she thinking? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I hope you're all still safe and healthy.  
> I like this whole posting twice a week thing, although I've been tempted to post in between BUT NO, I'll be strong. And you have to be strong too. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like it.   
> The angsty storm is coming, so be prepared. It'll arrive sooner than expected but not that soon, let's not be that obvious haha. A little suspense it's always good... I guess lol   
> Again, comments are appreciated (and if you have commented, I already love you). 
> 
> That's all for today!!!!  
> Bye bye


	4. Chapter 4

She wasn’t a religious person per se. Not because she was resented towards it but mainly because there was nothing appealing about that. At least not for her. Her family however, was the opposite. They were religious although not entirely devoted and she found that extremely cynical. But who was she to judge? 

She wasn’t a religious person but she spent Sunday praying for Monday to never arrive. After the entire fuck-up she pulled with her grandfather, the disapproval yet concerned look her family had given her, she knew there was nothing she could do to fix it. Except maybe dig a hole and bury herself in it. 

But as much as she prayed and prayed, Monday eventually came and when the alarm went off at 7am she sighed, already awake. 

Hans stirred next to her, snuggling closer. ‘’Did you even sleep?’’ 

‘’A little’’ She lied. While she did try to sleep, Morpheus never came for her and she stood there looking at the ceiling unsure of what to do other than overthink. Picturing every perfect scenario in her life where she didn’t fuck up every aspect of her life. 

She felt him move over her, his head coming to rest on the crook of her neck. ‘’How about we do something to cheer you up?’’ The question was followed by a trail of soft kisses on her neck and jaw. Her body reacted instantly to the touches but she was too far gone to care and not in the mood to do anything but to crawl back to the hole she had dug the night before. 

Elsa tried to push him away but he took her resistance as part of the game and eventually she gave in. Allowing him to do whatever he wanted, she didn’t have the strength to stop him nor the need. She convinced herself she wanted this and so did her body, once she felt him inside of her. 

Her mind left her body and traveled back in time to Friday night. And she suddenly was in the care of someone else’s arms. Those were soft and warm, fingers trailing every inch of her pale skin. Her caramel eyes filled with lust and want as she planted kisses from her chest to her hips, down to her wet and needy core. _The treatment of a queen_ , she had said. Fingers gently making its way inside her folds, back arching granting more access. 

She even dared to travel further in time, to her youth and those perfect moments she treasured dearly in her heart. To when everything felt lighter and painless, before all the heartache and the disappointment. To those endless nights filled with her name echoing from the depths of her soul, the skin on skin contact that sent waves of bliss through her body, the panting and the need for more. The love, the fear of losing. 

The memory evaporated once she reached her peak and felt her insides being filled with him. He moaned her name and finished; reality came crashing down on Elsa. The first few months after Maren had left, she hid behind substance abuse and sex, lots of it. Most of it meaningless but still made her feel wanted and useful. For months she pictured Maren instead of whatever sexual partner she had. But it hadn’t happened in years. 

Now she felt sick, dirty with thoughts that felt foreign but somehow familiar. 

She watched Hans kiss her lips lovingly and get up, walking over to the bathroom. There was a feeling of emptiness that had been growing relentlessly the past few weeks, something Elsa couldn’t quite understand nor resolve. A soft sob escaped from her throat, too hard to mask under her usual tough exterior. 

It wasn’t the first time she had given him something she didn’t want to. It didn’t feel forced, he never pressured her into anything but he never listened, and the worst part was that she always gave in a little. Her self-deprecating behaviors taking the worst out of her. She needed to feel good, happy, the role of a wife fulfilled and the only way these past weeks she had felt that, had been by making him happy. 

She got up, put her shorts back on and walked to the kitchen. Waited for the coffee to brew and poured herself a cup of it. She then moved back to the bedroom, picked an outfit and waited for Hans to leave the bathroom. When he did, she got inside and got herself cleaned and changed. Put on some make up, fixed her hair and got ready for the day. In the meantime, Hans had cooked breakfast and was waiting for her with some warm homemade waffles. That was the routine of the week and they were so good at it. 

‘’Are you ready for today?’’ Hans asked her as she gulped down her food. 

‘’I don’t know, I did sort of threatened him with my resignation’’ She shrugged while taking a small piece of her still warm waffle. 

Hans chuckled loudly. ‘’Can you imagine if you actually went through with that?’’ 

Elsa frowned at his inquiry. She was genuinely concerned about the status she had in the company that could somehow be revoked due to her big mouth. ‘’It’s not funny. I could get fired today’’ At her comment Hans laughed louder. ‘’What? Stop it, I’m being serious’’ 

‘’You totally underestimate the value you bring to the company’’ 

Her frown deepened. ‘’I’m just a regular person’’ 

‘’Elsa, you’re the most valuable asset in the company and I’m not saying that because I happen to be your husband. Your insight, your decision making and leadership makes you the fearless business-woman that you are. They won’t let you go and if they do, trust me when I tell you that you won’t be unemployed for long’’ He pointed at her with his fork and she smiled at his words. He did had a way with words and making her feel much better with them. 

‘’I love you’’ She said while leaning over the counter to catch his lips on hers. He laughed loudly, still chewing his food. 

‘’You better’’ 

The talk with Hans made her feel more confident and was a little more prepared to face the obvious rage of her grandfather. She was still scared to death, like the twelve-year-old little girl she was when she broke his favorite clock. But this time, she had more control over her life. She could ask for things in exchange, it was the least she could do for herself. 

She was tired of being in the background of every decision made in her life. She was going to regain back the control of her life, starting with erasing from her mind whatever happened last week. Elsa forced herself not to think about it constantly but the funny thing was that as much as she thought about it, the less guilty she felt. There was an odd feeling surrounding the event that she refused to acknowledge. Honeymaren was a part of her past and she was to remain there. A small slip had happened and there was no way that was going to happen again. She was going to make sure of it. Besides, in 10 years she had not once encounter the woman, Elsa was certain the chances of seeing her again were equally nonexistent. 

With that thought in mind she moved to the next thing in her list and that was Runeard. As a COO she worked on the 52nd floor, along with the CFO and some of the directors. The floor was mainly packed with offices and meetings halls. Always crowded and alive. She made sure of that. 

Runeard’s office along with the CEO and every Board member was on the 53rd floor and it was as deserted as one could imagine. While it had the most beautiful offices in the whole building, the vibe it gave of fear and formality, was enough to freak out any worker threatening to even step a foot out the elevator. 

A single main desk with two workers was the first thing people saw once they stepped into the foyer. Elsa greeted the ladies and kept on walking, carrying nothing but her phone in her hand. Outside the big office was another desk with a middle age lady sitting behind it. 

‘’Good morning Ms. Arendelle’’ 

‘’Morning Nancy’’ Elsa replied to the woman that had been the private secretary of her grandfather since before she was even born. ‘’Is he waiting for me?’’ 

‘’Yeah, he said to let you in the minute you arrive’’ 

Elsa nodded and before pushing the door open, she turned to Nancy. ‘’Is he in a good or bad mood?’’ 

Nancy smiled at the blonde. ‘’I honestly couldn’t tell but he’s been in meetings all morning’’ 

Elsa knocked on the door softly before going inside. The office was big with huge window panels. The decoration was somber and modern, something the young woman wasn’t quite used to yet. The office had been remodeled a few weeks ago and turned into this. 

‘’Grandfather’’ Elsa greeted the old man, who was reading a few papers. He looked up to meet her and motioned her to sit. She did so and waited impatiently for a few minutes in silence until he finished reading them. 

‘’Elsa, I’m glad you decided to show up’’ And while she knew there was no way she would lose her temper like the other day, now she wasn’t that certain. There was something about the way he spoke to her that made her extremely annoyed. More so the past few years, since something changed in the way they interact, something she still couldn’t figure out. 

‘’Why wouldn’t I come? You were explicit when making the appointment’’ 

Runeard smiled. ‘’Yes, you were also very persistent with your resignation letter. I don’t see it, by the way’’ 

‘’Want me to print it out for you? Or do I e-mail it to your secretary?’’ She followed his game; one she knew by memory. He smiled widely at her, proud even. 

‘’Very well. Let’s talk business then’’ He got up from his chair and walked over to the small lounge area of the office, motioning her to follow. She sat on the large sofa as he poured some alcohol in two small glasses. He handed one to her and he took the other, sitting on the opposite end of the couch. 

Elsa glanced at the beverage. ‘’It’s 10 am’’ 

‘’It’s nighttime somewhere, pumpkin’’ He replied, raising his glass and taking a small sip. ‘’Listen, I owe you an apology’’ He started, making Elsa frown in utter shock. In her 32 years of life she had never heard him apologize to anyone let alone her. ‘’You were right, I should’ve told you first about the promotion instead of assuming you would say yes. I mean, why wouldn’t I assume that? You’ve worked in the company the past 9 years, done a fantastic job and this is exactly what you deserved. You’d be a fool for rejecting something like this’’ 

‘’A fool? You know what being a CEO actually means right? I barely have time for myself, got to take care of other issues that are outside of my COO functions and it’s exhausting. I have a life, you know?’’ She informed him, assuming he wasn’t aware she was in fact a human being rather than a robot working for him. 

Runeard looked at her in silence for a few seconds. ‘’Are you pregnant?’’ He asked all of a sudden. 

‘’What?’’ 

‘’I can’t think of any other logical reason why would you even consider refuse such an opportunity like this. Don’t get me wrong, you carrying a small heir would absolutely make me the happiest but still, that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to say no-’’ 

‘’An heir? First of all, I’m not carrying anything let alone a child. Secondly, those little heirs are called babies and are actual humans. I don’t see an upcoming future with that happening’’ She explained, taking a sip of her bourbon. She now understood why he handed her the beverage. 

Runeard frowned. ‘’You have to bear a child, we’ve waited patiently and haven’t pressured you at all but since you brought the topic, I’ll say it again. You have to.’' 

Elsa gulped down the remains of the alcohol and leaned over to rest her head in her hands. ‘’This is a conversation to have with my husband and not anyone else. Now can we go back to the topic?’’ 

Reluctantly, the old man agreed. ‘’As an Arendelle is your duty to continue with your family tradition. We’ve provided you with the best care, education and privileges. Gotten rid of anything inadequate and made sure you were fit to the position. It’s the least you can do’’ 

‘’Inadequate?’’ Elsa asked, confused. 

‘’Don’t you think I have forgotten about the stupidity you pulled when you were in college. How embarrassed I was of you and disappointed that you were dating a _woman_? Living in such a sin? I forgot about it, moved on and allowed you back into the family. If it wasn’t for me, you’d be living in the streets, alone and unloved’’ 

Elsa slowly nodded, realization hitting her hard. There were multiples things that barely made sense in her life. Teenage friendships vanished; the increased curiosity towards love and intimacy, faded; her circle of friends carefully picked; Any attempt at stepping outside the norm, punished. And it took time – in her younger years- to come to the resignation that that was the life meant for her. That’s why it wasn’t shocking when she found herself falling for someone who would never fit under the expectations of her family. But to think that she had allowed every seemingly harmless yet disruptive change in her life and that her family had been a part of them, cut through her heart and reopened wounds she had closed and healed long time ago. 

A silent tear escaped her eye. She wiped it away quickly. Suddenly the bigger picture became crystal clear and she knew what needed to be done. For her own sake. For _their_ own sake. ‘’Well, as you said that was the past. I don’t want this job or any job in this company. I know what I’m capable of, I know my worth and what you’re losing by losing me. I quit’’ 

She stood up and walked over to the door. Before opening it, she heard him clear his throat. ‘’If you leave this office, trust me when I tell you many people will suffer the consequences. Among them your husband and your beloved sister. I adore her but I’ve built this company and I will not allow _you_ to ruin it’’ 

Elsa turned around; her cheeks stained with tears. ‘’What do you want from me?’’ 

‘’I want you to accept the CEO position, bear me a great-grandchild and forget this conversation ever took place’’ 

And while Elsa thought of the implications of the demand, there was nothing in the world she wouldn’t give to protect the one thing she loved more than her own life: Her little sister. 

_‘’Deal’’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No comments, guys. 
> 
>   
> Well, one comment. 
> 
> This was one of the chapters that I wrote first and never modified. It's important for the development of the plot and because let's be honest, Runeard sucks even if we don't really know much about him.  
> In F2 he was shitty and no amount of … anything really, will change my mind. 
> 
>   
> Like I said, the angsty storm is approaching and sadly, it won't leave lol I know, I know but what do you want me to do? This bitch love angst and can't help the suffering because at the end, it does bring happy things. And it will bring many, many happy moments, that I know. 
> 
> I'm sorry again.  
> 
> 
> That's all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck schedules, you know?

She was on automatic mode. The following days happened without her knowing much. She would nod at the requests, attend meetings, speak with workers and sign paperwork. She would spend time with her husband and allow him to touch her whatever way he desired; she would even fake her peaks. It wasn’t that she felt emotional detached from her surroundings, but more like there was an internal battle between this new found angsty feeling that she had to take care of, on top of _ all _ the other emotions and thoughts that had accumulated since forever.

She had worked those issues for years in therapy, learnt back again to stablish relationships and maintain them. But she still felt some of those scars were still unhealed and would probably never  heal .

Her grandfather’s words echoed in her ear at all times. The threatening tone, demanding words and whatever she thought had was lost that dat. She felt emptier than before and she honestly just wanted to end it all. She could barely hold in any food, her sleeping schedule was so fucked up the dark circles under her eyes had their own dark circles and she barely spoke, there was nothing to say anyway. 

The only thing that got her through the week was knowing that Friday was the last day she was going to have to face him, he was finally retiring for good and she stepping up as CEO. Monday would be the big day for both her father and her but she couldn’t be bothered to care. 

Once a week she had a scheduled therapy session, one that had been reduced or increased according to her needs. The appointment was on Thursday and for the third time in a row, she cancelled it. There was too much going on, too much that needed her attention and she couldn’t force herself to face the problems she knew she needed to. She wasn’t ready to speak about her feelings, her thoughts, to share her deepest fears and regrets. The shocking events from the past days had shook her to the core, broken so many barriers and she didn’t want to face any of it. Was that the healthiest solution? No. But she patiently waited for Friday to arrive, so the torture would partially end. A  _ well-deserved _ break.

The alarm went off at the same time, just like every morning of the week.  _ 7am _ . She got up before Hans would try anything and jumped to the bathroom, taking a short but effective shower. She got dressed and poured herself a cup of coffee and waited for him to make breakfast. 

‘’I’m going out tonight with my brothers’’ Hans informed her, while placing a pancake in her plate. She looked up at him and nodded. ‘’I’m sorry but it’s Remi and since you know, he and Lori broke up he’s been pretty low’’ 

Elsa smiled at him. ‘’It’s okay. Maybe I’ll go out too, with Anna. I’ll ask her’’ 

And she continued her routine. At the end of the day, around 4pm she had to pass through  Runeard’s office to retrieve some papers. There was a massive farewell dinner for the high commands of the company but she had declined the invitation, excusing herself with a stomach bug. They believed her; she did look like shit. 

‘’You’re not attending tonight?’’ Her grandfather asked her before she left the office. She hadn’t spoken a word to him the entire week, avoided him in empty spaces and ignored his meeting requests. 

‘’No’’ She curtly replied before exiting the office. As she made her way to the  elevator, she heard him call out her name but she ignored him, until he caught up to her. She cursed herself internally for not taking the stairs. 

‘’I’m taking a two-month tour through Europe; it starts on Monday so I won’t be here to wish you good luck on your new position. I hope when I return you have news for me’’ He added, knowing fully well what he meant with that. And she felt sick. 

The elevator doors opened and she stepped inside. ‘’You’re disgusting’’ She said before the doors closed. She took a big shaky breath and stepped out once the doors opened a floor beneath. She entered her office, slumped over her chair and cradled her head in her hands. Soft sobs escaped her mouth and she fought hard the need to send everything to hell and run away. Change her name, buy herself some cottage in the mountains far away and just live her life in the solitude she sometimes craved so deeply. 

She went home and snuggled on the couch, the weight of her emotions too much to carry. The clock showed it was barely 8pm, the sun had set already and she needed to get away from herself and her thoughts. It was getting dangerous, that she knew. Her mind was bound to spiral out of control with the thoughts that always threatened her with  breaking free, letting go. She changed her clothes into something more comfortable and took a cab to the same bar downtown, hoping to forget a little about the hell she was currently living. 

The mood of the bar was uplifting to anyone who wasn’t as down and depressed as she was. She asked the bartender for her usual gin and tonic and gulped it down in one go. Her phone rang and she reached into her purse. 

‘Hey’

‘Elsa! I haven’t seen you all week, where are you?’ Her sister’s cheerful voice filled her eardrums, making her smile instantly. 

‘Just hanging out. I told Hans I was going out with you so you better back me out on this one’  S he watched the bartender place another glass in front of her and she gulped it down in one go , again. The  burning  liquid was making her feel better already.

‘Really? Are you sure you’re okay? I can pick you up,  Els . This is not your typical behavior’ Anna’s concerned voice reached her brain and she laughed. 

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be fine eventually. I have to go, love you’ She hung up fast as another glass was placed in front and as she was about to gulp it down, the bartender stopped her and motioned her to take it slow. She rolled her eyes, ignoring him and doing it anyway. 

‘’He didn’t look at you like that because he wants to bed you. He genuinely worries about people, especially women who come here and look to get themselves intoxicated to death’’ The sweet voice of the woman she constantly thought of filled the space surrounding her and she turned her head to the side, raising an eyebrow. 

‘’Are you stalking me?’’ 

Maren let out a loud laugh. ‘’This is your second time here, snowflake. I practically live here’’ 

Elsa frowned at the old nickname she hadn’t heard in years, something that used to make her fill secure and loved but now sounded cold and distant, almost undeserving to be said by those lips. ‘’That speaks volumes of your way of coping with life’’ 

‘’I’m not the one drinking, am I?’’ 

The blonde narrowed her eyes at the brunette, pointed at her with her finger. ‘’Good point’’ She stated, gulping down another glass. 

Maren took a seat on the stool next to her and looked at the blonde carefully, trying to read her. ‘’What’s wrong? Is it the husband?’’ 

‘’The husband is fine’’ 

‘’Then it’s the job?’’ Maren tried to guess. ‘’Family?’’ At the mention, Elsa tensed. ‘’I see, it’s always a family matter with you’’ 

Elsa ordered another drink and Maren stopped her. ‘’No’’ The blonde raised her hand and grabbed the glass, gulping down the contents. ‘’Let me be gone’’ 

The brunette frowned at the words, concern flashing in her caramel eyes. ‘’I think a lot of people would be sad to see you gone’’ 

‘’Doesn’t matter. I won’t be’’ Elsa harshly replied, stopping at the realization of the words that had left her mouth. She closed her eyes, sighing loudly. ‘’I’m sorry. I’m sure you have other business to attend, I’m a downer today and you don’t want to be around me’’

“I do though, especially if you’re speaking like that" Maren confessed. She ordered a beer and watched Elsa order a few shots of tequila. She gulped down the three tequila shots and before she could order anything else, Maren stopped her. “Don’t you want to talk about it first?” 

Elsa took a second to consider the idea . “No” And ordered a second round of tequila shots.  But before gulping the last one she stopped. 

“Why did you leave me?”  Elsa suddenly asked,  her eyes glued to the counter.

“Elsa-"

“Was it me?” She asked in a broken and small voice. It was a question she had asked herself multiple times over the years. Maybe it was her that was a little broken and unfixable.

Maren sighed. “No, snowflake. It wasn’t you". Elsa smiled sadly at her before finishing up her round of tequila. She was already wasted and had been there for less than an hour. The goal of forgetting had been accomplished and she was pleased. “Want me to take you home?”

“Not your home. We do bad things together” She  slurred, feeling her tongue numb. 

Maren chuckled softly. “How about Anna’s?”

“I’m supposed to go home, my husband is supposed to impregnate me" She mumbled,  her head falling to the counter.  Maren's head turned to glance at her, to confirm the truth of the words .

“How’s that Elsa?”

“The old man said I better get pregnant, that was the damn deal. I don’t want to but even when I don’t want to, he does and that’s okay" Her voice was so quiet Maren had to lean over to hear her. What she didn’t miss was the tear that fell from her eye. “I should just leave" Elsa sat up straight and began searching through her purse. “Where are my keys?”

“I’m certain you were responsible enough to take a cab this time” Maren commented and Elsa stopped, looking at her and nodding. 

“You look like my  ex-girlfriend . But she left me and when she left  me, she took so much from me. I don’t have anything left” Elsa sobbed softly, her drunken- self sobbing on the counter of some random bar over the girlfriend that dumped her 10 years ago. That was something she would definitely be extremely ashamed of, had she been sober enough. 

Maren  smiled sadly at her . “I’m sorry. She was an idiot, you’re amazing and so beautiful. But now you have a husband and a family, things worked out for the best, right?”

Elsa lifted her head, her eyelids feeling heavier. “But we had plans to run away and now I have to live this sad life” 

A phone rang in Elsa’s jacket pocket and she quickly and clumsily searched through it, until finding it.

‘Sis!’

‘Hans called  me; he wants to pick you up when we’re done. Where the hell are you?!’ 

Elsa giggled, barely holding the phone properly. ‘Grandpa is a dick.  I had to forget our deal ’

‘What deal Elsa? What are you talking about?’

‘ I tried to quit when he reminded me of Honey but he’s a dick. Now I have a new job.  Anna, I think I’m going to run away' Elsa rambled,  feeling Maren’s gaze on her. 

“Okay stop it, give me the phone” The brunette took the phone away from the blonde . 

‘Anna?’

‘Maren?’ The shock in the redhead’s voice was  notorious. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Nothing. She’s at McLaren’s, downtown. Please come pick her up, I’m not sure she’s okay and I’m scared of leaving her alone'

‘Okay, I’ll be there in a little bit'

And she hung up the phone. Elsa retrieved it from the brunette's grip and put it back in one of her pockets. She laid her head back on the counter, the world was spinning again and she was certain any sudden movement will end up in her throwing up. 

She closed her eyes, resting for a little while. A soft hand caressing her hair startled her and she opened her eyes slowly, meeting the warm caramel eyes of Maren. The lovingly gaze, familiar orbs made her feel conflicted within her own drunken state. There was the obvious resentment still hidden underneath the many layers that composed her persona, but also there was pain, raw and fresh like the day she came back to the apartment to find it empty without her stuff. She thought maybe she needed closure but the more she came near the woman, the more intoxicating and bigger the need to belong to her in every aspect was, succumb to her desires, give away her heart as if the brunette had ever returned it, as if Elsa had ever gotten her heart back. 

Her mind was running with thoughts as their gaze remained fixed in the other, drinking each other the only way they could for now. The physical was a boundary she wouldn’t dare to cross again, for she wouldn’t be brave enough to let go. She had Hans, she had a life she thought made her happy and made her complete but being under the eyes of the person who used to hold her heart and soul, made her reconsider everything she thought she knew about her own life. 

But he didn’t  deserve that. The man who had been there for her through  pain meds , therapy sessions, learning to love herself again. Who had taught her about commitment, about what she deserved and needed. The one who had stood his ground against the pressure of being with her, the complicated relationship she held with her social rank and family. He had been her rock and he deserved more than what she was giving him. 

Elsa closed her eyes, trying to picture something other than the guilt that carried with it the image of the brunette standing there, with the perfect smile, perfect hair, perfect everything. She had worked hard to get to where she was, she couldn’t throw that to waste, not for a woman who wouldn’t give a shit about her. 

She opened her eyes when a warm hand touched her shoulder. She was met with the loving yet worried face of her sister. “Els, let’s go home?”

And Elsa nodded, too tired to argue. She couldn’t remember the drive back to her sister’s house or how she managed to get inside. She just regained consciousness when she was sprawled on the couch and Anna was kneeling in front of her, clearly concerned. 

“Elsa?”

“What?!” Elsa replied annoyed. She wanted to be left alone. “What am I doing here?”

The redhead sighed loudly, turning to Kristoff who was sitting on the couch next to the blonde. “You’re drunk, Elsa. What happened?” 

“I had a dream, Maren was there. Remember her? She was so beautiful but no one liked her because she was a woman" The blonde mumbled fast. Anna and Kristoff shared a look. “She loved me. She broke my heart”

“Elsa, Hans’ coming to pick you up" Anna tried to explain, hoping she would stop talking about the brunette. 

“Hans?” 

“Your husband, Hans?” 

Elsa nodded, suddenly remembering the man. She sat in silence the following minutes, impatiently waiting for him to arrive. A soft knock on the main wooden door alerted them of his presence and Elsa got up fast – too fast, stumbling a little. Luckily,  Kristoff was there to catch her and steady her.

Outside Hans was waiting , leaning over the expensive Mercedes. He wasn’t driving, something Anna was extremely relieved of given he was equally drunk as her sister.  Jeff – Elsa’s personal driver – exited the car and helped the blonde get inside, along with  Hans. 

And after a few words exchanged between Jeff and the  Bjorgman’s , they took off. Elsa closed her eyes, the alcohol in her blood still being too much for her slim body. She felt Hans body pressed closer and turned her head to glance at him. 

He was equally trashed but still under the street lights, he looked incredibly hot. His red hair was glowing like the flame of the inferno she was certain kept calling her, for the sins she had committed. She chuckled, stretching her arm to caress his cheek. Elsa was desperate for some form of contact, anything to make her feel something other than useless. Getting drunk had helped to get rid of  Runeard's voice but her own negative thoughts were still lingering, and she wanted to forget about them and replace them with something else. 

Once they reached the apartment, she walked clumsily inside and waved Jeff goodbye. Elsa waited for the elevator’s door to close and crashed her lips against his, her hands tangling in his bright red hair. She felt his own hands traveling her back, squeezing just in the right places, eliciting soft moans and gasps.

They stepped inside their bedroom and Hans pushed her to the bed as he trailed kisses on her neck and down her chest. She breathed hard, content with the feelings building in her lower abdomen and body. Her hands moved to unbutton his shirt and he got rid of it, his muscles twitching with every movement. Elsa was mesmerized in her drunken state and giggled loudly while passing a hand through his abdomen. 

“That tickles” Hans warned her smiling, before his lips returned to her neck. He moved his hands to her clothing items, removing her shirt in one swift motion and finding out she wasn’t wearing a bra. “Naughty”

And he leaned over her perky breasts, kissing her nipples and sucking on them. Elsa instinctively arched her back as he caressed her other nipple with his thumb. His tongue did wonders on her chest and she was over the moon , her eyes closed and holding a tight grip on his hair. 

He unbuttoned her jeans, getting them out the way and then stared at her underwear. He played with the band of the lacy undergarments before pulling them out, leaving her completely bare. There was a feeling of freedom among the extreme pleasure. 

And before Elsa could look down to see why he had  stopped; she felt his tongue dip into her wet folds. She gasped loudly, one hand gripping tighter onto his hair and the other on the sheets of the bed. His tongue circled her clit, which made her moan, biting her lips from yelling out loud. 

Without warning she felt a single digit slip inside, followed by another and this time she moaned loudly, her breath sharp as layer of sweat covered her body. She arched her back, granting him more access and allowing him to explore her fully.

But as he curled his fingers inside of  her, she couldn’t help but think of someone else’s touch and that dangerous thought plus all the amount of alcohol in her blood were not a good combination.  _ “Maren _ " She moaned out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I proof-read this? Nope.  
> Was I that desperate to post this? Yes.  
> Why is that Kate? Oh, it's just the Elsamaren content. 
> 
> Anyway, I was like screw schedules and let's keep the element of surprise. Isn't that fun? I think so.  
> It's not just the fact that I'm anxious and want to post 10 chapters in a row. I mean I could but nope, I have to be strong. Gotta build the suspense and keep you guys intrigued. 
> 
> But I'll try to stick to the usual schedule and post this saturday, okay?  
> Why not.  
> Brace yourselves because next chapter has a trigger warning :/ (Fuck, was that a spoiler? dang it. But in my defense TWs could be about a lot of stuff, sadly)
> 
> That's all  
> (I always say I'm gonna add an emoji at the end and always forget, so yeah *think of an emoji and insert it here*)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault. 
> 
> Please, this chapter contains a very sensitive topic and I understand if you need to skip it. I really do. And if you happen to read it and need someone to talk to, I am here. I love you and you’re amazing. There's nothing to be ashamed of, this is a safe space. 
> 
> Read with caution.

Saturday morning was all about recovery. The last time she had drank like that had been last week, but before that , had been after the whole Maren left ordeal. And she quickly remembered why she had decided to regulate her intake.

It wasn’t the worst hangover ever, yet It wasn’t pleasant at all, but at least she wasn’t alone. She barely made it out the bed, crawled into the shower and stood under the waterfall showerhead for the longest possible time, letting the  cold water wash away some of the pain. Elsa hated herself in that moment, her whole body ached, her thighs and her hips. 

She could barely recollect what that had happened. There were blurred images of a woman, the bar, Anna maybe, Hans and just pain. But she didn’t understand and the headache was too strong for her to keep attempting to remember. She stepped outside the shower, covered herself with her usual white bathrobe and walked to the big mirror over the two sinks. A loud gasp left her mouth when she noticed the red marks on her neck. She leaned over for a better look, touching it slightly. She winced at the contact, retrieving her hand almost immediately. 

A concern frown settled on her face as confusion grew. She removed her bathrobe to have a better look, in case of anything really. Her whole body ached; she wouldn’t be surprised if there were more bruises and marks. She still gasped when she saw her body. Red marks covered most of it, some were scratches, others were definitely turning into bruises. Her eyes moved to her wrists that were equally if not worse, swollen and red. How had she not noticed them? How had they not hurt them?

She walked over to the bedroom, not bothering to cover herself up. ‘’Hans’’ She moved his body and he groaned, turning away from her. ‘’Damn it, Hans!’’ She removed the sheets, revealing his naked body. There were scratching marks in his back and arms, some had slightly bled but other than that everything seemed normal. 

He then turned around, annoyed. ‘’What the fuck, Elsa?!’’ but she didn’t care. Her eyes were glued to his face, a large swollen red mark on his jaw caught her attention immediately and she frowned. ‘’You okay?’’ 

He sat up, worried. She was paler than usual which only helped to  highlight the red marks of abuse in her body. And while it hurt, she was numb to it – emotionally speaking of course. Her mind was desperately trying to gather whatever information she could, to justify or give a better understanding to the actions that may have taken place in the bedroom sometime last night. But there was none. And she felt sick, physically ill.

She crouched to the side, grabbed the small trashcan from under the bed and threw up. Her body ached with each retching, her skin glistening, covered with a layer of sweat. Hans kneeled over her naked body, pulling her long hair away from her face. She stopped after a few minutes and leaned back on Hans’ body. 

‘’We look pathetic’’ He spoke after a few minutes, making her giggle. ‘’I don’t know what happened last night. If you want, we can go to a hospital and get you checked?’’ 

He suggested but she shook her head. ‘’What are they going to say other than ‘it was a wild night of wild sex’?’’ 

Hans laughed, getting up and helping her up. He walked over to their dressing room and came back with some clothes for her. ‘’Put them on and go back to bed. I’ll go take a shower and make us something to help us survive’’ 

And she watched him disappear down the hall. She threw herself back to the warm and comfortable bed, covered herself with the blankets and closed her eyes, forcing herself to sleep. Maybe that was the answer to get rid of the awful headache she had, a simple solution yet effective.

_ His hands were around her neck in an instant, his breath closer to her ear. Whiskey. ‘’Maren? like that filthy slut you used to bed?!’’ His hands tightened around her throat and she fought hard to push him away. His bright green eyes were dark, shadowed with something other than lust.  _

_ She was genuinely scared of him as she scratched his back and arms. He loosened the grip around her and sighed loudly, gasping for hair. ‘’I’m sorry’’ She whispered after regaining her normal breathing, her voice a hoarse. She pushed him away but he didn’t budge, his body stronger than hers. His lips met hers, harshly and quickly. ‘’Stop it’’ She muttered, moving her face away but he didn’t listen.  _

_ Her hands pushed his face away with a sharp blow to his jaw. He recoiled, his hands  _ _ instantly _ _ covering his injured face. Elsa tried to move but he grabbed her hands and pinned them on both sides of her face. ‘’It’s my name you’ll remember now’’. She kicked and fought, tears falling down her eyes when he entered her without consent. The roughness of the act was painful enough for Elsa to close her eyes and he took that as a win.  _

_ Again, she gave up. What was the matter, anyway? He filled her up, used her like he wanted and tossed her aside once he was done. And drunk Elsa turned to the side, crying herself to sleep.  _

She woke up agitated, the memories felt too real and she was terrified. She looked around trying to get a better sense of where she was and what time it was. The smell of food told her it hadn’t been long. She was sick, disgusted and ashamed. Of what? She couldn’t distinguish. Of him? Of what had happened? Of what she had allowed to happen? Or was she truly ashamed of herself? 

It had been too long since the last – and only - time someone had taken advantage of her. It had happened a few months after Maren left, a dark night between alcohol and drug abuse. A night marked with scars she fought hard to push back but kept coming. Those scars pushed her to the edge, for she was  desperate to numb all the pain and soothe all the wounds. Those scars twisted her insides, transforming her into someone she couldn’t recognize. It took bravery and lots of help to recover. Some days she thought maybe she hadn’t  recovered at all. Some days were today.

‘’Babe? Brunch is ready’’ His voice echoed in the hall and she shivered. She glanced at her wrists and gently passed one finger through the swollen, forming bruise. The livid memory coming back to haunt her. He had hurt her in more ways she dared to say and she couldn’t get herself to feel anything but disgust towards her own self. 

She slowly got up from the bed, grabbed a sweatshirt and put it on. She walked over to the kitchen. She barely touched her food but drank the whole glass of water. Every once in a while, she would glance at him and wonder when did they got to this, how did it happen. They were a happy loving couple; she was a happy human being and now she felt like everything she had achieved had gone to hell. 

Her professional life was chaotic and she couldn’t even find shelter in her home. Couldn’t confide in Anna, she was too terrified of messing her little sister’s perfect life. She had brought too much agony and trouble to her existence, adding more would only make her feel worse. And now Hans, he had fucked her up more by doing the one thing she thought he would never do. Take something from her. Take something like everyone else in her life had done.

What else there was to lose? She had to remain quiet, suck up every feeling and move on with her life. Do whatever  Runeard had told her and well, survive. One more day, one more night. And so on. At some point the routine would become more than that and the pain would be completely numbed. 

‘’Remember I’m leaving tonight’’ Hans’ voice brought her back to reality. She looked up from her untouched scrambled eggs. 

‘’Uh?’’ 

‘’I have a meeting in Japan next Tuesday? We spoke about this last week’’ And Elsa suddenly remembered the conversation that took place a few days ago. She nodded, watching him running around the apartment gathering a few belongings. She felt like everything around her was  happening in slow motion and she was a mere bystander. Still, in a couple of hours he had everything packed and was ready to leave. 

Elsa at some point had gone to bed and tried to sleep or pretended to sleep. Her thoughts would refuse to give her a rest but she was tired. And pretending to be resting was as close as an actual rest, so it was still a win. 

‘’Elsa? I’m leaving’’ Hans spoke once he entered the now dark bedroom. He sat on the bed and leaned over her, pressing a kiss on her temple. She opened her eyes and sat up, leaning over him to kiss his lips, ‘’I’ll be back next Friday. No more drinking, please’’ 

He joked and she smiled. ‘’I’ll be on my best behavior’’ He got up and before he left the room, Elsa called out his name, which made him turn around. ‘’I’ll miss you’’ She lied. For what reason? She didn’t know but a part of her wanted to believe that deep inside him, there was still something good and that whatever happened wasn’t his fault. Which was true. It wasn’t his fault she was  broken; it wasn’t his fault she was beyond damage and kept thinking of  Honeymaren . It was a punishment she deserved. It still hurt, though.

‘’Me too babe’’ 

And he left, leaving her alone. She would be lying if she said a part of her wasn’t relieved. After remembering what had happened last night, she was tired of pretending and wanted to stay in bed forever. And she did. 

Her phone rang multiple times that night, but she never answered. She didn’t care, she wanted to be left alone. And when her eyelids felt heavier, she happily welcomed the very needed rest.

Sunday, she spent it in bed too. She got up once for a glass of water, but her body wasn’t requesting anything other than sleep and she gladly complied. She watched the sun rise and set. Her phone still rang multiple times but even if she wanted to get up and answer it, there was no strength left in her body. Maybe she would eventually die. 

The next time she woke up she heard footsteps inside the apartment. She tried to get up but her limbs wouldn’t respond to her commands and she closed her eyes. 

‘’Elsa?’’ She heard Anna’s voice far away. A soft movement on the bed made her internally groan as the covers were thrown back. ‘’Elsa!’’ Anna grabbed her shoulder and turned her around, action that prompted a loud groan to escape the blonde’s mouth. ‘’Oh, thank God’’ 

Elsa turned around, shielding her eyes from the blinding light of the morning. Or evening? She wasn’t sure. She felt Anna climbing into bed next to her, pulling the blonde closer and wrapping her arms around her. She heard her sob. ‘’Anna?’’ Elsa muttered, lifting her head slightly. 

‘’You scared the crap out of me’’ She replied in between sobs and Elsa frowned confused. ‘’It’s Monday evening Elsa, you never showed up to work and I’ve been calling you for days’’ 

She nodded softly. ‘’I’m sorry’’ 

‘’Are you okay? And please don’t lie to me’’ 

‘’No’’

And Anna held her closer, being the loving support that she always needed. That was the main reason why Elsa couldn’t force herself to turn down the deal with Runeard. Grant her sister a life full of security and happiness was at the top of Elsa’s list, even if that meant she would never get a taste of it herself. 

‘’Papa is worried too, he wanted to come but was stuck filling in for you’’ Anna explained and Elsa sighed. ‘’It’s okay, he’s not mad. He’s just worried that’s all. We all are, even  Honeymaren ’’ 

At the mention of her name Elsa tensed. She knew the woman was not at fault for whatever had happened that night with Hans, but a part of her wanted to blame her for causing her so much pain. Well, she tried to blame her, she really did but at the end, the brunette was not at fault and she knew it. ‘’You spoke to her?’’ 

‘’She called me on Saturday, asking for you. She told me you had said a few things that got her worried. And now _ I’m  _ worried Elsa’’ 

She was angry at herself and Maren. Why couldn’t she keep a damn secret? And why couldn’t she remember what she had said? Had she confessed the deal she had with  Runeard ? Had she said anything else? ‘’I’m fine’’ 

‘’I know you’re not. And I’ve given you the space to figure it out alone, but I’m here too. Don’t shut me out, let me help you’’ But Elsa couldn’t burden her little sister with the heaviness of her problems. The blonde sat up straight, moving away from her sister’s warm embrace. 

Before Elsa could say anything, she heard Anna gasp and move closer. ‘’What happened?’’ She asked, grabbing her sister’s dark purple wrists. The redhead’s gaze traveled up and down her sister’s body and her eyes grew with concern at the condition in which her sister was. There were purple marks around her neck - clear fingers imprints - and dark bags under her eyes. 

‘’Nothing’’ 

‘’Elsa’’ Anna leaned over, grabbing the blonde’s chin and forcing her to look at her. Her blue eyes had never looked duller, almost a shade of grey that scared Anna. They looked empty and resembled perfectly the bottled-up emotions from the young woman. ‘’Who did this to you?’’ 

‘’It doesn’t matter, Anna’’ Elsa moved away, pulling her hand away from her face. 

‘’Was  it Hans?’’ Anna kept pushing and Elsa felt a lump forming in her throat. Of course, she wanted to pour out her whole heart to her sister or anyone for that matter but she couldn’t. She just couldn’t allow herself that privilege and Anna’s persistence was making her uncomfortable. ‘’Elsa, please’’ 

But the blonde shook her head, uncovering her body and getting up. It took all the little willpower left to do so but she still made her way over to the bathroom and turned the shower on, removing her clothing items and getting inside. The warm water provided the comfort she needed and she found herself sobbing her heart out. 

There was so much pain held inside her small body she didn’t know if she could keep functioning properly. She curled up in a corner of the shower, hugging her knees and hiding her face in between them. The world could wait a little more for her to regain her composure and grieve whatever she had lost the past few weeks. 

She couldn’t tell how long she had been in the shower, nor she cared enough to worry. She spotted Anna’s  red hair through the steam and she wanted to get up and kick her out but she couldn’t. Her sister stood outside the glass panel, looking at the blonde with nothing but sadness and sighed, sliding the door open and stepping inside. She helped her sister get cleaned, avoiding any comments about the notorious bruises and poor nourishment.

Anna helped Elsa get dressed and got dressed too, with borrowed clothes from her sister. Then silently helped Elsa move to the kitchen where their mother was cooking some food. She had arrived whilst Anna was helping Elsa in the shower. The woman looked at her eldest with loving yet concerned eyes. Her grey eyes landing on her bruised neck but said nothing about it, instead she kissed her temple and placed a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice in front of her.

And they stayed the whole day, taking care of Elsa and cuddling her closer. Making sure she knew she was loved. And Elsa did, she noticed those small details. Like how her mom would cook her favorite meal, place a small portion on her plate and talk trivial things, making her forget briefly about whatever she had in her mind. 

How would they serve her a cup of warm green tea after lunch and no dessert, not when it wasn’t a piece of chocolate cake. They watched her favorite movie, ate her favorite snacks and accompanied her through the evening. Never asking a question, although she could tell Anna was dying to do so. 

But their presence had given the blonde  brand new strength to face the new day that was approaching and while she still felt the same, maybe for now she could function again. Just maybe she could pretend for a moment that everything could heal with nothing but _love_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know I'm the worst. I hate myself a little for this. Was there a particular reason to make the plot this awful? Not really, but makes sense. I mean, it will make sense at the end. I swear.  
> Again, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I'm your girl. And I happen to be a psychologist so I can actually help. I went to uni for it sooooooo (Yeah, my initial plan was to never reveal that because who cares really. But if it helps you find the courage to reach out to me, then it's worth it) 
> 
> I will add - like I do in every chapter - that good things will come and that this angsty storm will pass. Eventually. So hold on, stay strong. And I don't mean just for the sake of this story but in general. Life is complicated and pretty painful right now, I know that. We are together. And like they say in Toy Story, you've got a friend in me. 
> 
> Okay, that's all.  
> Thank you *add a heart, kate. Add a damn heart*


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, let me set this straight before jumping into this surprisingly new chapter. 
> 
> I felt like last chapter was a little too much for all of us. It was shocking, of course but I don't know, there is a lot of angst in this story and I've said that A LOT but still, that was too much. I won't apologize that much because it's for the sake of the plot and you will get why, at some point, hopefully lol 
> 
> So, I decided to post this one. There were like two chapters in between that were slightly less angsty than the 6th but I got rid of them and chose this one. Because yes, it's not fluff per se but it's better than the alternative. 
> 
> Anyway, without further do, you're welcome to read.
> 
> (BTW I did not proofread this so I apologize in advance, oops)

The following days she buried herself in work load. Between moving from her past office to the new one, meetings with the board, with clients, workers and a bunch of other stuff; she was swamped with assignments, obligations and responsibilities. But nonetheless she was happy that she had basically no time to think about anything else but work. No time to think about what had happened that night. No time for feelings.

So, instead of thinking about it, she did the only thing she exceled at. Working. And when her body ached and her eyes burned from reading, only then she took her cue and slept. And every morning she woke up, drank some tea and left. At some point in the week she had to switch coffee for something else, since her body refused to hold the bitter liquid down . 

Around 9 am every morning,  Agnarr passed by her office, dropped some food her mom had made for Elsa and continued her day. And so on, Anna and  Iduna had committed to make sure Elsa was eating properly. They would drop food at her office, deliver dinner at her house or just call her, every minute until she would give in and eat something. But her stomach was acting weird and she was disgusted by most of the meals presented. Sometimes she found herself wanting nothing more but peanut butter at 2am. 

‘’Morning sis!’’ Anna’s chirpy voice filled the big office, making the blonde look up from the paperwork. It was a sunny Friday morning yet Elsa wasn’t feeling happy at all. ‘’What’s up?’’ 

‘’It’s 8 am, why are you happy at this time of the day?’’ The blonde groaned, throwing the paper back to the desk, slamming her fist on the glass table. ‘’Damn it’’ 

Anna leaned over the table, while chewing an apple. ‘’Yikes. I just dropped the twins at school, then Louis at daycare and now I’m here! It’s Friday Elsa’’ 

‘’I don’t care what day it is. I have so much work to do’’ She replied while rubbing circles around her temples. ‘’You know how the board have been trying to get a partnership with this law firm for the past two years? Well, they finally granted us a meeting... today!’’ 

The redhead listened closely, nodding at her sister but not totally understanding. ‘’And that’s bad because...?’’ 

‘’Because they just called. The meeting is in an hour and I’m a busy person, Anna. I wanted to say no, I was going to say no. But I couldn’t so here I am having to change my whole schedule because of them’’ Elsa groaned, frustrated. She got up and walked over to the big window panel. She spotted dark clouds on the horizon.

She saw Anna approaching through the reflection of the windows. ‘’You’ll do great. You’re Elsa Arendelle, just show them your beautiful piercing blue eyes and they’d fall for you’’ The redhead wiggled her eyebrows at her which elicited a laugh from the eldest. 

Elsa pushed her sister playfully to the side. ‘’Why aren’t you at work, though?’’ 

And Anna told her about her ability to call in sick whenever she wanted. She was an Arendelle after all, who in their right mind would complain about it? The redhead worked for the family company but with the foundation to be precise, helping charities and providing social aid to workers. She worked alongside their mother, and Elsa could tell how much they loved that job. 

She and Kristoff had met in college and dated for a few years, got engaged and married. Then she quickly got pregnant with the twins Liam and Colin, the little troublemakers. And three years ago, she had little Louis. And the Bjorgman’s where the happiest family she had ever met. Kristoff had his own small company in the construction area and even though they were humble and living a rather simple life, they were genuinely in love. 

Without much thought, an hour had passed since Anna left. A soft knock on the door alerted Elsa that her guests had arrived. She spotted  Agnarr’s auburn hair through the glass door and she smiled. This was indeed very important for him. 

She opened a small hidden door to the left of her desk, a full-length mirror appearing. She glanced at her reflection. She made sure she looked somewhat decent and grabbed her white blazer, putting it lazily over her shoulders. She grabbed her laptop and phone before exiting the office. Her  assistant mentioned they were already at the large meeting room and she made her way over the end of the main hall. Taking a big breath before entering. 

Inside was Agnarr Arendelle and at least 9 more people vividly talking. Her father immediately turned to her. ‘’Elsa Arendelle, our brand-new CEO’’ He introduced her as she shook hands with the man her father was speaking with. She never listened to who the man was because her sight landed on a brunette speaking at the end of the room. 

Her caramel eyes met her blue ones and Elsa found herself glued to her spot. She watched the woman approach her, carefully. ‘’Hey’’ 

Yet Elsa couldn’t mutter a single word. She had seen her, two times fully drunk and one-time hungover. But she was still as beautiful as she remembered sober. Her tanned skin was still glowing with the light casted from the windows. Her wavy hair was braided and her outfit was simple, pale rose pants with a black blouse. She was breathtakingly beautiful. 

‘’Back at you’’ Maren replied and Elsa realized she had said those words aloud. A red tint settled on her cheeks. ‘’I’ll go sit somewhere, maybe we can catch up later?’’ She asked as everyone started moving around the room, and Elsa nodded. 

The blonde took a seat across Maren. While she tried to remain focused on the meeting, her eyes kept going back to the brunette who was deep in concentration. She watched her nod once in a while, take some notes in a tablet and meet her gaze a few times. 

Elsa on the other side was long gone. Her father had asked for backup and while she wasn’t paying attention, she knew exactly what to say and how to say it. They needed this partnership, needed to create an alliance with the most powerful law firm in the globe, and they needed it now. 

‘’We’ve heard your proposal and we’ll review the finances. For now, let me tell you that Elsa Arendelle assuming the role of CEO has surely piqued an interest in us and we will take that into consideration’’ The man spoke, then asked for some time alone with the board to deliberate and speak things that Elsa wasn’t entirely interested in. Not like she was paying attention.

They exited the room and the rest of the party accompanying the CEO’s and executives were led to a smaller one. Elsa stayed behind, leaning over a pillar and typing fast on her phone. 

‘’So, CEO uh?’’ Maren commented, leaning over the same pillar. Elsa looked up from the device, straightening her posture and walking over to her office. She motioned Maren to follow her. ‘’Now I totally get the whole drinking thing’’ 

The words made Elsa stop in her tracks, which caused Maren to bump into her. ‘’Let’s not talk about the drinking situation, please’’ 

And Elsa opened the door to the big office. She had asked for the front walls to be replaced by frosted glass. She wanted the place to feel more spacious and more welcoming without her feeling too exposed. She watched Maren walk around the office, stopping at the big window panes in the very back. ‘’This is gorgeous’’ 

‘’Yeah, they made me choose an office and I chose this one’’ Elsa explained while taking a seat on the gray sofa. Maren followed her gaze and did the same, sitting across the blonde. ‘’So, you scored high by working for them’’ 

Maren laughed, knowing fully well where the conversation was heading. ‘’They came looking for me a few years ago. I have quite the reputation’’ Elsa nodded, biting her lower lip deep in thought. She was about to say something when she felt the brunette getting up fast and leaning over to capture the blonde’s lips with hers. Elsa was shocked at first but the warmth of her hands in her hair and the flashbacks of those nights were enough to surrender to the desire. 

They stopped because they eventually needed to breathe but Elsa didn’t let her go. In fact, she pushed Maren to the couch and leaned over, planting kissed on her neck and jaw. ‘’Elsa’’ The brunette gasped, her hands traveling down the blonde’s body. 

But Elsa had to stop, an overwhelming fear and anguish threatening to break through her walls. She used to think of Maren’s hands and mouth but now, all she thought was of Hans’ roughness, his threatening words and she couldn’t allow him to hurt her like that anymore. ‘’I can’t, I’m sorry’’ 

She pushed herself away from her, getting up from the sofa and walking over to her desk. Her hands were shaking, whole body trembling and bile rising up her throat. A single tear escaped her eyes and she wiped it away quickly. She wasn’t going to cry, not anymore. ‘’Hey’’ Maren grabbed her arm gently, turning her around. She tucked a strand of hair away from her face. ‘’Don't apologize. Let’s go back to the meeting room if it makes you feel better’’ She suggested and Elsa nodded.

They left her office together and walked in silence back to the meeting room. One of the ladies at the main desk stopped Elsa and Maren waited for her a few steps ahead. The elevator doors opened; a tall red-haired man in a navy-blue suit stepped out carrying a small bouquet of flowers. 

Elsa leaned over the main desk as the woman showed her something. Hans spotted her and walked over, wrapping his arms around her torso. She flinched at first, startled by the action. He spun her around, his hands traveling to her face and greeting her with a deep kiss. 

Maren watched the blonde’s shocked expression, her hands on his shoulders pushing him away. He pressed her face closer to him with one hand and with the other he pulled her body closer to him, the flowers tossed aside on the desk. ‘’Stop’’ 

And he did with a frown. ‘’I missed you’’ 

‘’I know but it’s my work place’’ Elsa whispered, her cheeks red. Hans smiled, grabbing the flowers and showing them to her. ‘’For me?’’ 

‘’Like I said, I missed you’’ He repeated, taking a step back and looking at his wife. His eyes traveled up and down her entire body and Maren felt disgusted, it was like a dog watching a piece of meat. ‘’You look so hot in that. I can’t wait to get home’’ He whispered in her ear and Elsa tensed. The mere thought of being intimate again made her sick. 

Before he could say anything else, the main conference room door opened and  Agnarr stepped out. Hans put a decent distance between him and Elsa as the auburn-haired man approached them. He greeted him and then spoke to Elsa, leading her back to the group. Hans was behind her; he was still part of the Arendelle family and  Agnarr liked having him around for a different perspective. 

They walked inside and sat around the big table. Everyone present was informed about the successful agreement they had managed to come to terms with, they spoke a little bit of business yet Elsa’s mind was again, somewhere else. She could still feel Hans’ presence near her and she swore she was okay but deep down she knew she wasn’t. 

Maren’s focus also wasn’t in the information being given, she was worried about Elsa and the change of behavior. But there was nothing she could do, especially not here. Marcus Richmann, Maren’s boss spoke in the name of the firm, the benefits of the alliance and he spoke about how Elsa stepping up as CEO had been a major factor in them accepting the deal. 

‘’We have decided to hand over the matters of the company to the best lawyer we have, we are certain she will provide the perfect bridge between the needs of your company and the solutions we may provide for them; communication is key to us. Honeymaren Nattura will be appointed your new chief legal officer and will work side by side with the high ranks of the company’’ 

Elsa’s attention came back to the room at the mention of her name. Hans - who had been holding her hand, squeezed her tightly. She felt him tense at the mention of her working with Elsa, his jaw clenching. Since the moment Elsa remembered what happened that night, she had thought Hans was too drunk to be aware of what he was doing. The morning after he acted as clueless as her, even the following days they had spoken as if nothing had changed, even if for Elsa everything had. 

But in that moment, she was certain Hans always knew. What other explanation for such a reaction there was? He was aware of what he was doing, never regretted his actions and lied to her about them. Was she now genuinely scared of going back home? Definitely. Would she do something other than continue pretending everything was okay? No.

The meeting ended before lunch. The board members were going out to celebrate the new agreement so everyone working on the floor was excused to leave early. As if the CEO needed to be given permission to leave. She entered her office and closed the door behind, grabbing her purse and heading out. Outside she crashed into Maren, who had come looking for her. ‘’Elsa!’’ 

‘’I’m sorry but I have to go’’ 

‘’No, wait’’ She stopped her by grabbing her arm. They were in plain sight and that made Elsa extremely anxious, especially when she could sense Hans’ gaze burning her back. ‘’Are you sure you’re okay? I know I’m in no position to ask but still’’ 

‘’You’re right, you’re in no position to ask’’ And with that the blonde left, pressing the elevator button and waiting. Hans walked over to her and waited by her side, stepping into the elevator together. 

The ride back home was quiet as he drove them through the now rainy streets. Sometimes Elsa wondered if the weather took pity on her and changed with her moods. ‘’Chinese?’’ Hans asked, clearly tense. Elsa nodded, looking out the window. 

The place that was her home didn’t make her feel safe anymore. She wanted to run away, anywhere. Her sister’s arms or her parent’s. Anywhere but there. They stepped inside the apartment still in silence as he opened the fridge and grabbed a beer, throwing himself to the couch. 

She walked over to the bedroom, taking off her shoes and working clothes. She then moved to the bathroom; a shower was always the answer. After that, she changed the expensive attire for comfortable leggings and a sweater. She sat on the carpeted floor; her head resting on her knees. 

His loud footsteps echoed in the hall. ‘’So, that’s the famous Maren’’ She lifted her head to meet his eyes that were dark and angry; he was leaning over the doorframe. How long had she been in the bathroom that he was now drunk? She sighed, getting up and walking over to her purse, getting her phone and stepping out of the room. ‘’Don’t turn your back to me!’’ He yelled at her and she stopped, turning around in shock. 

‘’This is what we are now? A dysfunctional couple who yell at each other?’’ She asked calmly and he frowned, still holding the bottle of beer for dear life.

‘’This is your fault’’ Elsa scoffed, turning around while shaking her head. ‘’Hey!’’ He spun her around violently, making her hit the wall hard. He pinned her body against the cold wall, his hand squeezing her jaw tightly. She pushed her hands against his shoulders, trying to get him away from her but it was unsuccessful. 

‘’Hans, stop it’’ She yelled louder, pushing him with all her  strength . He took a step back, raising his hands in surrender. Elsa moved away from him to the living room, her body trembling and going numb. There was so much fear creeping in, she honestly thought the worst. 

‘’I’m sorry, Elsa’’ He tried to catch her attention as she gathered her things. ‘’What are you doing?’’ 

‘’I need to leave’’ She replied, as she made her way to the elevator. The lump in her throat was getting harder and harder to control, and she knew at any given moment she would explode. And sobbing right in front of him was definitely not an option. 

‘’Leave? Why every time things get tough you leave?!’’ He snapped. ‘’Every damn time, Elsa. Is that what you do? When things get hard you ran away?’’ 

There was a fire building in her insides, fire she was certain was rage. ‘’Hard? Do you call being violent towards your wife, hard?’’ She scoffed, turning around and dropping her stuff on the floor. ‘’That’s not hard Hans. That’s fucking insane. Look at you! You’re drunk and  it's not even lunchtime’’ 

‘’Are you calling me a drunk?’’ 

She shook her head in disbelief.  Of course, dealing with him in the state he was, would be ten times more complicated. ‘’I’m going to Anna’s. I’ll be back for dinner. If you’re drunk, I swear I’ll pack my shit and leave’’ 

And with the threat still lingering, she left. Luckily, for the first time in forever, the elevator was right there when she called for it. She jumped inside and watched the doors closing, releasing a big and shaky breath. Where had that  strength come from? She didn’t know but it certainly didn’t make her feel better. 

She got in her car and drove through the packed streets, with no real destination. She needed to think, needed to be alone and just breathe. Think about everything, every emotion she had pushed to the side, every damn feeling she had compromised for the greater good. But she felt trapped and couldn’t really drive with her mind drifting away so often. It was  dangerous not only to herself but everyone else. 

The big Arendelle Corporation building came to view and she sighed, entering the parking lot she had left only an hour ago.  Luckily, she had left her laptop in her office by accident. Which only meant that she could actually get some work done, relax in the comfort of her safe space, clear her mind before heading back home to face her husband again. 

She stepped into the elevator and watched the numbers go up. Until the 53rd. The doors opened to nothing but silence, which felt quite nice. Elsa made her way to her office and stepped inside, feeling the instant comfort said place provided. She opened her laptop and begun to work 

But before she could get too comfortable, she heard a noise down the hall. She wasn’t an easily scared person but the thought of her alone in the floor with some creepy human, did in fact scared her. She grabbed some scissors from her desk and headed out, walking slowly and stealthy towards the small cafeteria and lounge area on the opposite end of the foyer. 

Before she could enter the area, she came face to face with a brunette. ‘’Holy shit’’ They exclaimed at the same time, the  awkwardly coordinated reaction that sent the m both blushing. ‘’What the hell, Maren?!’’ Elsa yelled, dropping the pair of scissors to the floor and placing her hand on the wall for support. 

‘’Why would you sneak on me like that?!’’ The brunette defended herself, as she took off her airpods. 

‘’I thought you were a burglar or something’’ Elsa replied, while catching her breath. ‘’What are you doing here, I thought the floor was empty’’ 

Maren chuckled, motioning Elsa to join her down the hall. Which Elsa did, without  complain. ‘’A burglar in the safest building in town and safest floor?’’ She had a point but still. The blonde shrugged. ‘’Unlike the high ranks of the  law firm , I have work to do.  So, going out for lunch wasn’t that appealing’’ 

Elsa nodded in understanding. ‘’And you decided to stay here alone?’’ 

‘’Well, the floor is not empty actually.  There are people still working’’ Maren mentioned casually. ‘’And what are you doing here? And dressed like that?’’ 

The blonde glanced at her outfit that had changed from the one she had in the morning. If she had known that  somehow she would end up in her office, of course she would’ve change into something more formal but there was no turning back. LeggingS and a sweater should do for now. ‘’Just needed to do some last-minute paperwork. Besides, I forgot my laptop’’ 

Maren nodded while they stood outside of Elsa’s office. ‘’So listen, I know I crossed a line by being all touchy and impulsive. I’m sorry-’’

‘’No, I’m sorry I was all... awkward’’ Elsa cut her off, apologizing first. ‘’I mean, I did  kiss you back so it’s not entirely your fault’’ 

They fell into a silence that didn’t feel at all awkward but more like empty. There were things that needed to be said, to be shared. Question that needed answers and Elsa found herself desperate to get them. But as she had promised herself before, the past was the past and there was no point in digging out. Even if she really wanted to. 

‘’I guess I’ll leave you to  your lunch’’ The blonde added, while pointing at the small takeout bag Maren was carrying. 

She turned around fast and entered her office, closing the door behind. Her heart was hammering against her chest, her skin aching for her touch. And she needed to step away and force herself to take the most mature decision. Because she knew that working with  Honeymaren would be her doom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was better, I really do.  
> I mean, the whole Elsamaren content will always be extremely good to me, so I genuinely hope it is to you.  
> Like I said things will get better for our little friend Elsie. One way or the other. 
> 
> Still, there are questions that have not been answered, like why did Maren leave Elsa all those years ago. And while I know the answer, I would like to know what are your theories because maybe that'd work as inspiration hehe something else to add to this weird mix.  
> Okay, I feel like I'm vomiting my words right now. 
> 
> One more thing. I feel like I need to take a few days to plan this thing again, since I got rid of a few chapters lol so I - as the badass human I think I am (in my mind, ofc) - will take a few days to sort this out. Three days, hopefully.  
> So, I will see you on Thursday.  
> Don't miss it.  
> See ya here. 
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my - thirsty for angst - heart. I know that putting up with my whims is a lot, so yeah. Thank you for not leaving hehe


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's late, I know you're wear- No, I'm sorry I started singing the song and lost my focus.  
> But as I was saying, I know it's late and I didn't forget per se but thinnnnngs... yeah, I sort of forgot okay? I took a small break, I've been writing a few more chapters and I don't know, life is crazy right now. 
> 
> I apologize if you've been expecting this earlier. I planned on posting this last night but I don't know what I ended up doing, not that clearly. 
> 
> Anyway, please proceed.
> 
> Oh btw, I apologize if this chapter is sort of shitty, I didn't proofread again. If I do, I'll end up changing too many things and we don't want that. Oops.

Honeymaren Nattura had done something to her. She was so certain of that; she had convinced herself it was true. So damn true, it worked as an excuse. After their very awkward encounter, she forced herself to get some work done. But her mind kept going back to the brunette, the way she would frown slightly, how her tongue would gently brush and wet her lower lips before speaking, how her eyes sparkl-

‘’Damn it’’ Elsa stood up from her desk, grabbed her laptop and headed out to the elevator fast. She needed to get out of there and fast. The more she allowed herself to think about her, the more she felt aroused and therefore, guiltier. Why? She didn’t know. 

Still, even if she had only been there for less than an hour, she drove back home. 

‘’Hans?’’ She called out his name the second she stepped into the apartment, afraid he had done something to himself or left. ‘'babe?’’ 

The redhead raised his head from the couch. He got up quickly, his navy suit changed into something more comfortable. ‘’Elsa’’ He whispered, walking over her and engulfing her in a tight embrace. His hair was damped and he smelled fresh. ‘’I’m so sorry, I’m so,  so sorry’’ He apologized while pulling away and giving her small pecks on her lips. She stood frozen in her spot. 

‘’Wha-?’’

‘’No, I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. I just, I get so incredibly jealous of everyone. You’re so beautiful, I’m scared you’re going to run off and leave me’’ 

His words only encouraged her confusion. The Hans she had left hours ago was not the same she had come home to, and while it was a very welcomed change, it still felt awfully disturbing. ‘’What?’’ She finally asked, the frown deepening. 

‘’I made dinner. I made  margherita pizza, your favorite’’ He said, as he grabbed Elsa’s bag and laptop, putting them aside and motioning her to move to the kitchen. She did, still feeling a little lightheaded with all the information being thrown at her. 

He poured her a glass of wine and they sat to eat the  delicious pizza. If there was one  thing he  was good at, was cooking. She couldn’t deny that. She felt his gaze on her and she looked up to meet his, green eyes sparkling. ‘’What?’’ 

‘’Did I tell you how sorry I am?’’ 

‘’A million times’’ Elsa replied, feeling uncomfortable. 

‘’Good’’ He replied, before taking a bite of the pizza. 

They ate and then moved to cuddle on the couch while watching tv. Still, there was something feeling off, something Elsa couldn’t quite understand. He seemed genuinely sorry but the more he apologized the  shallower and empty it sounded, as if he needed the approval to move on with his usual life. 

Elsa got up and moved to the kitchen. The dishes needed to be done and while she refused to hire a maid to do the basic job, she now kind of wished she had. Hans followed her, as she grabbed the dirty glassware. 

‘’Let me do it’’ Hans leaned over, taking them away from her. But she shook her head, holding the dirty glass in a tight grip. ‘’I said I’ll do it’’ 

‘’It’s okay, I can do it’’ She pushed, gripping the glass harder, until eventually it shattered in her hand. She retrieved her left hand instantly as a sharp pain ran through the outer side. ‘’Shit’’ She exclaimed once she noticed the blood dripping down her arm as she held the hand up. 

Hans grabbed a towel as he lowered her arm, ‘’Shit, Elsa’’ He turned her hand slowly, taking a better look at it. ‘’It doesn’t look deep, but it will need stitches’’ 

She sighed annoyed. ‘’Fucking great’’ 

He wrapped the towel around the hand and headed down to the parking lot. They drove to the nearest hospital, avoiding the traffic as much as they could. Once there, they checked her in and a nurse proceeded to perform a physical exam and check her vitals. Hans was told to wait outside and fill some papers while doing so. 

The sweet nurse checked her vitals, asked her a few questions about how she had been feeling lately, the nature of her injury, the pain level and if she could be pregnant. 

‘’What?’’ 

‘’Is there a possibility you could be pregnant?’’ And for a brief moment the whole world stopped. Yet all that Elsa did was laugh. Because that would be completely insane, given the fact that she had been taking her pills, not as regularly as she should because her brain had been everywhere but still, better than nothing. What shook her was the fact that she –in that very moment - realized she was late. Three weeks late and she hadn’t notice.

‘’Oh’’ She whispered with teary eyes. ‘’I’m not sure’’ 

The nurse gave her a compassionate smile and moved over to draw some blood. ‘’How about we figure this out?’’ Elsa gave her a soft nod of confirmation as her heart twisted in her chest. 

While they waited for the doctor to arrive and inspect her hand, the nurse told her the results should be in two or three days, that she will receive a mail from the hospital and suggested to make an appointment with her Ob-Gyn. Before she left, the woman squeezed her shoulder in reassurance, a gesture that didn’t went unnoticed by Elsa and that deeply thanked. 

When Hans came back, he did at the same time that the doctor was preparing to stitch up. It was an approximately 3 inches long gash and it required at least 15 stitches. Luckily, the cut wasn’t deep and hadn’t cut more than tissue and skin. Once done, they bandaged her hand and put it on a sling, as a precaution measure since it was her skilled hand. They told them the cares and precautions they needed to take and they headed home. 

But Elsa’s mind was somewhere else. Away from the itching and the pain in her hand, and more in the fact that she might be pregnant. Carrying the baby of her husband. And while it should be something to be stoked about, she just couldn’t find it in herself to even feel the slightest pinch of happiness. 

Why? Well, she felt conflicted. Between everything that had happened the past month, all the sudden and  unstoppable changes she had witnessed in her life, the desperate need to catch a breath and take a break away from this mess, she still needed to figure everything out. What she wanted from Hans, what she deserved and what she didn’t. If she was willing to let his very disturbing behaviors slip or if she indeed needed to confront him about them. 

She had been thinking about that, and now there was the possibility of a baby added to the mix. It was too much for her. All the emotions she had pushed to the deepest parts of her mind were threatening to break free and come at full speed to crash against her life. The stability she had managed to feign in front of everyone, looming to crumble.

And she wasn’t ready, didn’t feel ready to face anything. Just curl in bed and let time pass. But she couldn’t, she had a job, had a life and people to answer to. Maybe quitting therapy hadn’t been the smartest idea. 

Regardless , there were still important issues that needed her attention. Elsa called that same day to her doctor and managed to get an appointment Tuesday morning,  knowing her results would be in by that time. And the waiting was the worst. Between thinking about it and forcing herself not to think about that, she felt exhausted. And Hans wasn’t making anything easier.

He had been  surprisingly amazing. Between supportive and useful, he had been helping her with the basics, the care for the wound, making her comfortable, cleaning the house and making food. He was attentive and a very warm presence. He would cuddle next to her on the couch and stay there for as long as possible. 

Anyone would be more than happy with that treatment but Elsa knew there was something else. It was almost as if he felt guilty. For the small accident? For the way he had treated her lately? For what happened that night? She couldn’t tell but there was definitely something else. 

Monday came but  luckily, she had asked for the day off. Her hand was giving her trouble, there was a throbbing pain running up her arm that she just couldn’t really ignore. She spent that day in bed alone, wallowing in self-pity and trying hard to keep her anxiety at bay. 

When Tuesday morning came, she was a nervous wreck. She had asked her driver Jeff to pick her up and drive her to the medical center. She didn’t sneak out; it wasn’t a secret she hid if people didn’t know right? But she went alone, and waited for her name to be called. And when her doctor’s light brown hair appeared through the door, her heart stopped. Maybe not knowing was good. No, that was a terrible idea. 

With shaky legs she stepped inside the consult, the place she knew by memory didn’t feel as  comforting as before but that was entirely Elsa’s fault. Nothing really felt comforting anymore,  despite the familiarity. 

Lana Wright, her doctor the past 4 years, looked up at her with her expectant green eyes and Elsa gulped down. She did the usual  checkup , asked her questions and waited till the last moment to touch the subject. 

‘’I got your results’’ The woman spoke in her usual soft voice. ‘’Do you want to know now or prefer I send them to your mail so you can review them with your husband?’’ 

But Elsa shook her head rather quickly. The thought of Hans finding out was not scary but not something that made her feel good or calm. Quite the opposite, made her anxiety spike higher than the expectation of whatever the results could potentially be. ‘’No, just tell me’’ 

And the woman grabbed her tablet and placed it in front of her, showing her the results. ‘’Your  hCG levels are higher than normal, which would suggest  you're about 8 or 9 weeks pregnant’’ 

‘’What?’’ Elsa blurted about in shock, her voice merely a whisper.

‘’Have you had any symptoms? Like nausea, dizziness? Maybe fatigue and missed periods?’’ The blonde nodded slowly, knowing fully well the thought crossed her mind for a brief moment before being shut down as side effects of her stressful weeks. But now they weren’t stress-related, more like baby-related and Elsa wanted to throw up. ‘’Are you okay, Elsa? Want to talk about options?’’ 

‘’Options? Options for what?’’ She asked confused. 

‘’There are options if you don’t want to keep the baby. You can terminate or give it away for adoption’’ And the mere thought of that made her even sicker. Not because the options were somewhat sickening, but because they were appealing. So damn appealing and so available for her she wanted to cry. The doctor, sensing her distress moved over to her side and crouched next to her. ‘’How about we have an ultrasound scan to check that everything’s in order before moving to the next step?’’ 

Elsa nodded, getting up and following Lana down the hall after they had confirmed her bladder was full and she had ingested enough water. They entered a small examination room and the doctor requested for Elsa to change into a hospital gown and get rid of her lower clothing items. With a little confusion she did so, sitting on the examination bed shortly after. 

Once the woman entered again, she did with a small smile. She explained that given that Elsa was between 8 to 9 weeks pregnant, it was more effective to have a transvaginal ultrasound rather than a regular one. Lana briefly explained the procedure, something that she thought was quite basic but that sent Elsa into a spiraling panic attack. 

The mere thought of having to endure the whole thing brought many painful and unpleasant  memories . And she suddenly couldn’t breathe, her chest hurting and throat tightening. ‘’Elsa?’’ Lana reached out to her, holding her hand as she did  everything she could to calm the woman down, but between everything that had  been happening, the news of the baby and the sudden realization that she needed to endure a procedure that made her feel exposed and vulnerable all over again, was too much. Felt like too much. 

Eventually she calmed down, her cheeks were stained with tears as her breathing evened. She was still holding tightly to the edge of the bed but she felt grounded, her senses coming back. With a pitiful look her doctor met her eyes. ‘’How about we change the  approach and do a regular ultrasound?’’ And Elsa nodded, relief washing over her. 

She was allowed to put her clothes back on and she sat back on the stretcher again. This time her blouse was rolled up to her abdomen and her pants were opened and lowered slightly, allowing the physician to perform the procedure. The woman warned Elsa about the gel before applying it on her pelvis. It was cold but bearable. Next, she placed a small wand on top of it and moved it around. The screen lit up with black and white pixels. But Elsa couldn’t understand a thing. Why would she?

‘’That small thing there, that’s your baby’’ Lana pointed at the screen. Elsa’s gaze moved over and squinted her eyes to get a better look. There was a small, round sac that looked nothing like a baby but she knew it was. She had seen it with Anna’s kids and in movies. That was her baby. 

A tear left her eye as she tried to grasp what it meant.  She was carrying the baby of the man that had hurt her multiple times, the man who she thought wanted to spend her life with. But now she wasn’t sure of anything except she had done everything exactly the way  Runeard had told her to. And she hated herself for that.

With the small sonogram image stored safely inside her bag, she left the building and headed to work. If there was something that could help her was to fill her mind with something else, anything really. The whole injured hand thing had been pushed to the side as she was digesting the information being thrown at her. But now that she was in the car, she could feel the stinging pain and the effects of the painkillers wearing off. 

She forced herself to suck it up and wait until she could be in her office to whine. She made her way to her office, feeling everyone’s gaze in the packed elevator. The sling surely caught their eyes and she felt uncomfortable with the attention. But luckily, the ride wasn’t that long and she was quickly in the security of the working space. 

She opened her laptop and started to work, but it was hard to do when her skilled hand was wrapped in some fresh bandages and confined to a sling. She sighed, highly frustrated. Her mind refused to give her a break as she continued to think about the crappy day she was having. 

A soft knock on the door snapped her out of her self-pity train of thoughts, and she looked up to meet warm caramel eyes.  Honeymaren stepped inside, carrying a folder with what it seemed like important paperwork. More  work ,  _ Fucking great _ .

‘’Hey’’ The brunette greeted her as she took a seat across her. ‘’What happened, Elsa?!’’ The worried tone in which she had asked, made her feel warm. 

Elsa sighed. ‘’A small wound, nothing to worry about’’ 

‘’That'd explain why you took yesterday off. I thought you were avoiding me’’ She joked while carefully placing the folder on the glass desk. ‘’I hate to bring you more work, though’’ 

But Elsa just shrugged. ‘’It’s my job. Trust me, taking the day off wasn’t my idea’’ And she stretched her good hand, grabbing the folder and glancing at the papers. She placed them on a neat pile at her left. ‘’The important pile’’ She commented, watching Maren’s confused face. 

‘’It’s bigger than the non-important one I assume you have here’’ Maren pointed out and Elsa smiled, her eyes following her gaze. 

‘’That’s just sad’’ And Elsa went back to work, her eyes going back to her laptop. It was rather difficult to type or scroll down the screen but she still did it. The subtle movement of Maren alerted her the brunette was still there and she looked up, confused. ‘’What?’’ 

‘’Just making sure you’re really okay’’ Maren commented, her eyes never leaving Elsa’s. 

At her words the blonde frowned. ‘’Why wouldn't I be okay? It’s just a scratch’’ 

‘’You say that now but just wait till Anna sees you’’ 

And Elsa cursed internally.  Of course Anna would freak out. That was basically her job as the youngest. The mere thought of having to face the  never-ending interrogation her sister would definitely put her through, sent a wave of pain up her arm. Elsa winced.

‘’Are you sure you’re okay?’’ Maren asked concerned. She had sat up from the chair and was leaning over the desk, her hand holding Elsa’s shoulder tightly. Maren’s touch was warm, cutting through her blazer and her blouse and ending on her skin. The touch she craved so deeply and made her skin burn. She shook her head, snapping out. 

‘’W- what?’’ 

‘’I asked if you’re okay’’ 

‘’Yeah, the painkillers are wearing off. That’s all’’ She replied fast, moving slightly away from her touch.  _ Focus, Elsa.  _ She leaned over to dig into her bag but couldn’t really. Between all the rising emotions and desires, and her arm being in a fucking sling.

‘’Need help?’’ Maren  whispered; way too close to her ear and she felt the heat moving from her chest to her cheeks and down her body. In a second she got up, hitting the edge of the desk clumsily, which made the brunette smirk. 

She allowed Maren to search through her bag as Elsa opened a bottle of water in a corner, the coolness refreshing her senses. The brunette’s back was to her and she frowned when she noticed she had stop searching. 

‘’Maren?’’ 

‘’I guess congratulations are in order’’ The brunette turned around, holding the small sonogram image she had gotten that morning. She looked sad while trying to convey the feeling of happiness and a genuine smile, yet Elsa after all this time apart could still read her pretty well. 

She took the image from her hand and held it in hers, a pale finger delicately passing over. ‘’No one knows and I’d like for that to stay that way’’ 

‘’Why haven’t you told anyone?’’ Maren asked, returning to her seat and handing her the pills. Elsa took them, gulping them down with some water. She put the bottle aside and met the brunette’s gaze. 

‘’It’s complicated’’ 

There was some truth in those words yet they lacked depth and Maren just knew. ‘’Is it really or are you making it seem like it?’’ 

‘’A lot has been happening and you know better than anyone I’m not the type of person who would make a fuzz out of anything’’ And she was right, so Maren granted her that. Elsa returned the image to her purse safely and continued her work, knowing the brunette had no intention of leaving the office at all. 

‘’Are you happy, though?’’ The sudden inquiry made Elsa stop. Her body froze and she forced herself to think of a quick answer. She hadn’t decided yet what she was feeling. There was a lot going on, but the fact that she had been moving and overworking herself  nonstop , had given her basically no time to think about anything really. 

The news  was still fresh and she didn’t know what to think of it. Was she happy she was expecting? Probably. Were the circumstances the appropriate? Definitely not. It was for that same reason she had concluded not to feel anything yet, to let everything sink in and give herself some clarity. There were options; she could take them. 

Unable to provide a verbal answer, Elsa just smiled. It wasn’t sincere but it was better than nothing. ‘’I’m going to get a coffee from the lounge down the hall’’ She commented and got up, leaving a very bewildered brunette in the office. Maren took the hint and nodded, watching Elsa walk away. 

Despite every new found carnal desire that grew exponentially  every time she was in the same room with the  brunette , there was still this uncertainty and distrust around her, something that stopped her from giving in and let herself dive into them. She was still hurt, after all. Not because she hadn’t moved on from it, but because she was  still feeling battered about the lack of explanations. She never really got them. 

All she got was a long paragraph in a text message with a goodbye, that sounded impersonal and forced. So how could she move on from that? Every decision she made since that moment was influenced by that lack of control, by that hollowness and emptiness. And while she tried and tried to make sense and cover the wounds, the more it hurt. 

And seeing her every day, made her drown even more in her own agony. Was that why she needed her marriage to work? Why she kept forgiving and giving up to Hans? She had nothing to prove, to no one. Yet she continued to act as if she did. Especially to him. 

And in that moment of realization she came to the conclusion she really wasn’t happy. And she probably would never be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I remember reading the comments about the whole Elsa's tots pregs and I was like dude am I that obvious? lol I was trying to be, or that's what I tell myself. But yeah, our girl is tots preggo which is more trouble added into the chaos that her life is right now. But oh well.
> 
> About the whole plot thingy, when I started writing this - even before thinking about posting anything - I had an outline of what I wanted to do and somehow along the way things changed. But the break I took allowed me to reconnect with that neglected plot that to be honest, I always felt more comfortable with. Let's say, it's less angsty which we all sort of need right? lol Even me. 
> 
> So yeah. Still, I'm kate and kate loves angst for a reason she can't quite explain yet, therefore this story will have its low points and angsty storms but it's nicer. I'm really happy with what I've been writing.  
> I'm a happy human overall. Which is annoying but I can't help it. 
> 
> Fuck, the notes are longer than the actual chapter lmao 
> 
> Anyway, I appreciate the support, it really helps me with the whole motivation thing. So, thank you.  
> Yep, I hope you're all healthy and great, despite everything that's been going on.  
> Much love to y'all *You know the drill, a heart emoji goes here*


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we jump into this chapter, two things.  
> 1) This is not a two-part chapter per se but you'll be rewarded with a second one (chapter 10). Every time I post something awfully angsty I'll make it up to you with some Elsamaren hehe you're welcome lol (It's the guilt, alright?)  
> 2) I didn't proofread this one because why should I, let's live recklessly.
> 
> Anyway, here's your TW: 
> 
> Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault

The realization was more of an awakening. Something that was somehow always deep inside her, something she knew now wanted to work to improve. Despite everything, she was carrying a baby and her small family - even if it felt at times like it would crumble - it was still everything she had. The foundations that supported it didn’t feel the strongest but the more she forced herself to work on them, the stronger she knew they would become. 

That same night she suggested Hans to go to couple’s therapy and he agreed, although Elsa could tell he wasn’t a 100%  committed. But accepting the fact that they needed help was a very important first step and she welcomed that greatly. 

On Friday they had their first session with the therapist and spoke about their miscommunication. It was hard at first, to open their private life to someone they didn’t know but after 20 minutes of awkward silence, they relented and started to talk about trivial issues they had problems with. 

Hans spoke about how she would  overwork herself, how little time she would spend at home or with him and stuff like that, things that Elsa never noticed but was  grateful he had mentioned. She still felt there was much to be discussed – especially  knowing the deep issues both were facing, the  traumatic events and change in behavior none dared  point out publicly - but he was at least working on his own evident issues and she was very thankful for that. Even if he seemed wary of it.

Apparently, their struggles were bigger than they had foreseen because the therapist had scheduled another appointment for Monday morning the following week. Something that felt a little odd but they didn’t comment. 

‘’Is there something in particular bothering you, Hans?’’ The sweet woman asked him, her voice the usual neutral tone. 

He huffed. ‘’This woman. Her ex-girlfriend is working with her again’’ Elsa wanted to comment something but it wasn’t her turn, it was Hans’ turn to express his concerns and feelings openly, in the safe space the room provided. 

‘’Why does that bother you?’’ 

‘’They have history and I’ve seen them. The way she looks at Elsa, and the way Elsa looks at her’’ He crossed his arms over his chest, tension  growing in the room. Yet the therapist remained calm, despite Elsa’s increased anxiety. 

‘’What do you expect from Elsa?’’ 

He finally looked at her, though briefly. ‘’I want reassurance. I know she loves  me; I know we are married, but I want her to assure me she’ll choose me over her, anytime’’ 

‘’Do you think if it ever comes to that, she will choose her over you?’’ He nodded, looking away. ‘’Has she given you reasons to think that?’’ 

‘’No’’ He replied in a low voice. ‘’But I know she will’’ He mumbled those last words, Elsa’s heart clenching painfully in her chest. 

The therapist moved her sight to her, her warm gaze calming her anxiety. ‘’Elsa, care to share your thoughts?’’ 

But she couldn’t say anything. There was nothing she could say to make anything better. She loved Hans, of course she did, but the way he had exposed his own insecurities regarding their relationship still weren’t enough to justify his actions. She feared nothing he’ll say or do, would never compensate that damage. And the fact that he brought Maren to the table just made everything worse. ‘’I don’t... ‘’ 

‘’Do you think his fears are valid? Do you share them?’’ The woman encouraged her to speak. 

Elsa sighed. ‘’No’’ She finally replied, feeling him tense next to her. ‘’The past is the past. He's my present and I don’t know what other reassurance he wants’’ 

He scoffed and Elsa turned her head to him, frowning. ‘’Anything you want to add, Hans?’’ 

‘’If she’s in the past then why is her name still in your head?’’ He asked bitterly, never meeting her gaze and clenching his jaw. 

‘’What do you mean?’’ She asked him, knowing exactly what he meant but unsure if he did.  _ Please don’t say it, please don’t say it _ . Her heart was beating fast in her chest. If he confirmed her  suspicions that he knew what he was doing that night, she would leave. That she knew. ‘’Tell me, Hans. We’re here to communicate’’ 

He turned around to face her, his face morphing into something other than anger or resentment. It was calmer and warmer. ‘’She  works with you Elsa, she’s always around you. I saw her the other day, the way she was touching you. I just, I don’t want you to leave me. Everyone leaves’’ 

She released the breath she was holding. It was like she had two Elsa’s inside of her. One was cringing at his obvious victimized performance. But the other was actually feeling sad for him. She knew about his family history. His mother had abandoned them when he was younger, leaving them alone. He grew up surrounded by hired staff, people paid to take care of them and the environment wasn’t the ideal to raise children. There were 12 siblings, everyone fighting, playing pranks, ignoring the other and he confessed that at times he just wanted someone’s attention and care. So, she understood the root of his fears and insecurities. 

‘’I won’t leave you, Hans. I’m here today, fighting for our marriage because I love you and want us to be better than we are now’’  _ And because I’m pregnant and want our baby to grow in a loving family, unlike the one we are currently having.  _ Yeah, she wasn’t going to say that out loud but she constantly thought of it. 

He smiled, grabbing her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. And the rest of the session went better. They came to an agreement that they would voice their concerns and avoid bottling up their feelings. Something Elsa had a struggle with, personally. But the least she could do was try to improve for the sake of her family. 

After the session Hans drove Elsa back to the office. They still had work to do but he promised her that they would go out for dinner on Friday. And she smiled, kissing his lips and walking inside the building. 

‘’Hey sis! How’s the hand?’’ Anna greeted her the minute she stepped outside the elevator. The redhead embraced her, not too tight because of her hand. Elsa smiled, the warmth of Anna’s hugs was always the best medicine for anything, bad days, sad feelings, loneliness. 

‘’The hand is better but the work keeps accumulating, you know? Why couldn’t it be my right hand?’’ Elsa complied while entering her neat office. She dropped her  belongings on her desk and sat clumsily in her chair. 

Anna giggled. ‘’I wish I could be more of help’’ 

‘’You are, by taking my mind away from this mess. Tell me something, anything’’ Elsa begged, leaning back on the comfortable chair. Anna did the same. 

‘’Well, we went to the beach cabin this weekend with Kristoff’s parents. It was a  mess; Louis doesn’t like the sand and the twins almost drowned’’ 

The blonde chuckled, thinking of the mess that the Bjorgman’s were. ‘’Lou’s just like her auntie, that’s why’’

They chatted for a while. Until they couldn’t anymore because duty called and Elsa needed to make sure to be present for the meeting with the Director of the Marketing Department. Something she was always eager about. 

And so, the week went by.  Everything was somehow running smoothly with Hans and with her job. They had another therapy session that felt even lighter and improving, something she was craving for months now. He vowed, in front of the therapist, to make the marriage work and so did Elsa. She’d do anything to fix it.

By Friday she was scheduled to get the stitches removed and once her hand was free of movement, she really and genuinely smiled. Almost crying of happiness. And to celebrate, Hans kept his promise of taking her out to have dinner. It was an excuse to finally be out of the apartment, spend time together and alone, and for him to watch her wear a tight red mini dress. He pampered her with luxurious gifts and that dress had been one of those. 

And while she tried her hardest to live a simple life, once in a while she allowed herself to have this fun. She watched his burning gaze and dark eyes roam her body every time she dared to move an inch. And she enjoyed teasing him like that. Under the table she would move her feet up and down his calves, lick her lips and moan when taking a bite of the food. 

It was like going back to the first few months of marriage, when everything was perfect. It was one of the things their therapist had suggested, to try recreate the life they used to have. They were a happy couple still, under the many layers of pain, trying to figure out their way through the rollercoaster that was living a life together and as long as they kept trying, she would never stop. 

She wanted to order dessert but he denied her so. Instead, he called the waiter, handed the man his credit card and waited impatiently for him to return. And when the poor man did, Hans grabbed her hand and they took off. Elsa laughed as he dragged her out of the restaurant. They jumped inside his car and he sped to their apartment, his hand moving teasingly up and down Elsa’s thigh. 

They tried to contain themselves on the elevator yet he couldn’t keep his hands to himself. He kissed her deeply, holding her against the mirror wall. Their apartment was on the last floor so they had a long ride ahead. Too long it was painful. 

But once the door opened revealing their foyer, he dragged her out and pushed her softly against the wall. He kissed her neck, her jaw, playfully bit her earlobe, and touched any part of her skin that was reachable and exposed. His hands moved up and down her body, desperate to touch every inch of her. And she panted against his touches, the way she remembered. She pushed any fear aside and forced herself to enjoy him, this side of the man she loved. The caring and soft touches of Hans, the way he would take his time with her and rediscover her body the only way he knew how.

He lifted her up and she squealed, wrapping her legs around his waist as he led them towards the bedroom, her lips leaving a trail of soft kisses on his neck. He threw her softly on the mattress and Elsa giggled. 

‘’Come here’’ She whispered, dragging him to feel his mouth on hers. Elsa worked on removing his jacket off and tie, tossing them aside. His mouth went back to hers, their tongues dancing and fighting against each other. There was need, there was fire. His hands moved to her back to remove the dress expertly like the many times he had done it in the past and he watched her with hunger. 

He threw the dress away and eyed her body. The lingerie was black and he played with it, teasing her breasts playfully. He squeezed and bit softly over the fabric, eliciting soft moans from her. She smiled; her hands moved to remove his shirt but he stopped her, pinning her hands on her sides, action that caused her to pull them away from his grip and sit up fast, away from him. He frowned. ‘’Don’t do that’’ 

‘’What?’’ 

‘’Don’t pin my hands’’ She warned him and he laughed, confused. 

‘’Whatever’’ He mumbled and leaned over to catch her mouth with his. She felt herself lose any desire and wanted to say no, but he was suddenly igniting everything again with his soft kisses and care. He touched her again, removed her bra and kissed every inch of her upper body. Her collarbone, her shoulders, her breasts, her stomach. 

He removed his clothing items so fast she almost missed it. There was a quick pace and she was having trouble catching up. He was desperate and needy in a different way. He removed her underwear fast, no foreplay. He had been so nice to her but something had  changed , there was this hunger that she couldn’t understand and it scared her. ‘’Hey’’ Elsa stopped him and he sighed. 

‘’What?!’’ He yelled, annoyed.

And suddenly she didn’t feel like doing anything else other than sleep. She frowned. ‘’I don’t want to’’ 

‘’You don’t want to?’’ 

‘’No, Hans’’ 

He scoffed at her, shocked. ‘’Well, I think you do’’ And he moved to her neck, kissing her again, expecting her to change her mind. But she wasn’t going to. She didn’t want him, nor his touches. In fact, she wanted him away from her.

‘’I said no, Hans!’’ She pushed him away and he ignored her, grabbing her face and kissing her lips. ‘’Stop!’’ She yelled again but he pinned her down by her shoulders. 

‘’I thought you wanted to fix our marriage’’ He said in a  threatening way, much different than the voice she was used to hear every day. ‘’This is how we fix it, Elsa’’ 

‘’What?’’ 

And while Elsa was still trying to process his words, he took the distraction and forced himself inside of her. She yelped in pain, tears falling down her cheek and he placed a hand over her mouth. ‘’This is how we fix it, Elsa’’ He whispered as his hips began to rock against hers. His own weight pinning her under him and he sighed. ‘’ _ This is how we fix it _ ’’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [YOU DON'T OWN ANYTHING TO YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE/PARTNER/ETC., ESPECIALLY SEX. OKAY? THEY HAVE TO RESPECT YOUR WISHES; YOU'RE ALLOWED TO CHANGE YOUR MIND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ACT OR ASK THEM TO STOP. YOU CAN AND MUST DEMAND THAT, IF YOU WANT TO. BECAUSE NO MEANS NO]
> 
> Okay, I needed to clarify that
> 
> I started typing some advices and stuff but then I was like nah, who am I to give advice as if I have any answers. I don't, guys. But I do believe - as a human more than anything- that reaching out and asking for help will always be better than bottling feelings up and going through stuff alone (don't be like Elsa in this story, please). And I know it's a luxury not everyone gets to have, especially people going through domestic/relationship abuse. 
> 
> But Kate, then why are you making Elsa go through all that? Well, for starters, I want Hans to be the shitty character I planned for him to be since the beginning. Someone has to be the villain, you know?. But also, I want at some point for Elsa to acknowledge her worth, reach out, get out of there, choose.  
> I wish everyone going through something similar would just leave those dangerous spaces/relationships, and that's wishful thinking I know, a little naïve if I dare. But there's no harm in wishing right? 
> 
> Oh well, this is long. 
> 
> Listen. It will get better for Elsa, she will find shelter. In who? We don't know (or maybe we do). 
> 
> A hint?  
> Enjoy the next Elsamaren chapter I posted, to make up for this Helsa bullshit. 
> 
> See ya.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is your reward chapter of the day! If you didn’t notice, I posted chapter 9 (It has a TW so beware. It's okay if you don't wanna read it)   
> Oh and surprisingly, I PROOFREAD THIS ONE!! YAYYYYY (it's the Elsamaren content, alright? lol) (Oh, but I also did it at 2am, does that count? I'll check again lol)
> 
> Anyway, ENJOY (really hehe I did while writing hehehehehehe)

She could tell people was getting suspicious. And she honestly couldn’t blame them. She was just a ghost of the person she was a month ago, living in a shell, hiding from the outside world. Life kept  happening ,  moving  forward without her being aware of. And while she was doing an excellent job at concealing, there wasn’t much she could keep hiding. 

Three weeks had passed since that night after the restaurant. She tried her hardest not to remember those events but they kept  occurring and she was tired. Hans was  crueler than ever; he had changed so much she was now in constant fear not only for herself but the baby she was carrying inside. If at some point she thought about telling him the news, now that was a big no. There was no way she could ever tell him about it.

Therapy had long been forgotten. They called a few times asking why they kept postponing the session and Elsa kept lying, saying things had come up; work, life. But they eventually stopped calling. That happened, people moved on, people would just stop trying and that was okay. It was okay for everyone to give up on her. She did. 

She sat in her office, the sky was a dark gray and rain was pouring hard against the window. Her eyes were glued on her phone screen. 

‘I’m working late’ Hans had texted her. 

‘Okay’ She replied and put the phone away, not waiting for an answer. 

She looked down at her hands and the purple that was poking through the thin layer of her sweater. She pulled it back and looked at her wrists that were swollen again. He promised years ago to never hurt her yet here they were. And she felt stupid for allowing him to abuse her like that. He was no one, he had nothin-

‘’Elsa?’’ She was too deep in thought she never heard the door opening. Maren stood in front of the  desk; her eyes glued on the blonde’s purple wrists. Elsa hid them away instantly. ‘’I have some papers for you to sign’’ 

Maren handed her the papers and she read them before signing them. ‘’Done’’ Elsa handed them back and locked eyes briefly with the brunette. 

‘’What are you doing tonight?’’ Maren asked her and Elsa frowned. ‘’I thought maybe we could do something, hang out or whatever’’ 

Elsa looked away, she wanted so badly to say yes to anything that would allow her to be away from Hans but the thought of him finding out was too much for her. ‘’I have plans’’ 

‘’You can’t cancel them?’’ The brunette kept pushing and Elsa sighed. 

‘’I can’t drink, remember?’’ She reminded the girl, who smiled. 

‘’We don’t have to go to McLaren’s. I was thinking about ordering some pizza and watching a movie, maybe we could invite Anna if that makes you feel more comfortable?’’ 

But Elsa wasn’t convinced at all. ‘’I don’t think so, Maren’’ 

‘’You don’t have to give me an answer right now, okay? Just let me know and I’ll go get you’’ And with that she felt. 

She remembered how easy it was to fall in love with Maren back then. It wasn’t just that she was funny and attentive, but she always seemed to know her even before she actually got to really know Elsa. Or what she was thinking. 

And today had just proven that while a part of her still resented the incredibly big unhealed wound Honeymaren Nattura had left in her heart, she just couldn’t blame her for the mess her life was in that moment. In fact, she realized she needed a friend like that, someone who despite everything, could be there for her. Yet the more she thought about a friendship with the girl she used to love, the more she confirmed she had gone mental. The first sign had been given Hans a second chance which had led to this whole mess. And the second was Runeard. 

She was weak, had a soft spot for people like her who sought redemption, validation and plain acceptance. As if her name didn’t already give her that. She was stupid among other things, for thinking Hans would provide those things for her when he could barely provide them for himself. At the end, he wanted the same but not from her. From Elsa, he wanted nothing more than dominance, power and subjection. And that was exactly what she was giving him, all out of fear and self-hatred. 

Anna had passed by the office too,  vocalizing her concerns and as usual, leaving without answers. And again, Elsa hated herself a little more for that. 

She arrived home around 5pm and changed her clothes. She made herself some warm tea and grabbed her phone, going through the multiple text messages. 

‘I’m staying out tonight’ Hans had texted her and she sighed relieved. 

‘’Guess it’s just me and you tonight, peanut’’ She whispered to herself, while stroking the small bump on her lower belly. She was around 13 weeks pregnant and while she still kept it a secret, she knew it will eventually get harder and harder to hide from everyone. Either way, she knew she would have to tell him eventually and she was not ready for that. 

She looked around the empty apartment and for once, she felt really alone. She loved this place, it was big and beautiful, but now it felt way too massive for only two people. Well, one grown human and a small peach size one. 

And she took the decision of taking Maren on her offer. Maybe she could drop by her house and if she wasn’t there, then she could just go to Anna’s. And with that in mind she packed a few things in her backpack and left the apartment. 

She drove down the empty and rainy streets, the darkening sky with thick clouds hovering. The familiar brick-wall building appeared through her field of vision and she sighed loudly. Frustrations off. She parked and stepped out, taking a few moments to let the rain soak her in. It was a feeling she loved and always made her feel better. The simplicity, the liberation, the sense of freedom. She could scream, yell from her insides and no one would care. The sky would absorb her cries.

She took the elevator to the 4 th floor and knocked on the 407-apartment door with the fear of a child. There was a magnetic force pulling her, driving her. Automatic mode, she had said at some point. Nothing she could fight against. It was her after all, the one that pulled her closer.

And she waited for what felt like an eternity. The cold cutting through the layers of clothing, impregnating on her skin, cooling and refreshing. Her hair dampened, flat against her head. Could she look more pathetic? The longer she waited, the bigger her hesitations raised. Why was she even there? What was she even thinking? All of a sudden, she found herself questioning that decision, as if it would change anything. The magnetic force prevented her from moving an inch, rooted to her spot she waited. An eternity? She would, if it meant seeing her one more time.

The door opened in a swift motion. 

Dark curls cascading down her shoulders.

Expecting caramel eyes. 

And freckles, so many freckles.

‘’Elsa?’’ 

‘’I’m sorry I didn’t call’’ 

‘’No, it’s okay. Come inside’’ Maren stepped to the side so Elsa could enter. The place was dark and the only light came from her room down the hall. But the smell made her dizzy, the essence of the woman. Vanilla in every corner, hints of coconut.  _ Home _ . ‘’I was on the phone, sorry for making you wait’’

‘’It’s okay. If you’re busy I can go-’’

‘’No, I was actually ordering a pizza. Well, two pizzas. I was hoping you would come’’ She smiled unconsciously, warmth spreading through her chest. The brunette stood there in all her glory. The curtains were open and while the moonlight was hidden behind the dark thick clouds, the lighting posts still provided enough light for her to see the outline of the woman. And she was gorgeous. ‘’Back at you’’

‘’What?’’ Maren smiled at her and Elsa blushed, closing her eyes beyond humiliated.

‘’Shit, Elsa!’’ The brunette exclaimed, while dragging the blonde inside the warm bedroom. It was exactly like she remembered from that morning; except this time no one was naked. Well, not yet anyway. ‘’You’re soaking wet! You better have a change of clothes in that backpack’’ 

A soft nod.

As she watched Maren go through every item inside. The blonde moved to the fireplace and sighed. ‘’Did you order a pepperoni pizza?’’ 

‘’ Of course, ’’ Maren laughed, shaking her head. ‘’Now, these clothes are soaked and these are dry’’ She handed Elsa her sweatpants and socks. On her hand was her shirt and sweater clearly wet. ‘’I’ll go put these in the drier and you put these on. I’ll hand you some of my shirts in the meantime’’ 

And she left, leaving Elsa to change. She put on the dry and warm clothes and removed her upper clothes, staying only in her bra but closer to the fire. 

She wasn’t shy about her body, not with her at least. How could she? When they had seen everything of each other by  now, knew every corner, every edge, every curve. The  constellations of freckles that adorned the brunette’s back. Kissed every inch of her skin. There was nothing to hide. 

‘’What’s that?’’ The velvety sound of her voice forced her to turn to meet her. The brunette was smirking at Elsa and the latter frowned confused. 

‘’What’s what?’’ 

‘’That’’ A single finger pointed at her. The blonde followed Maren’s gaze that landed on her very small bump. By nighttime it was more prominent and you could tell she was indeed pregnant.  A physical evidence of the life growing, of the body transforming.

‘’Oh, peanut’’ She smiled, a hand moving down instinctively to caress her bump softly and Maren did the same, not asking for permission although Elsa wouldn’t have said no had she asked. 

‘’Hello peanut, I’m Maren’’ And Elsa’s smile dropped. Not because there was something wrong about it, quite the opposite, it felt so right it was scary. She was the only person who knew about it, hence the first person other than Elsa who had spoken to the small baby. And the image of Maren kneeled in front of her talking to her baby was something we wished could never erase from her mind. She allowed her mind to fill with made-up scenarios of the perfect life she ached for, brown hair flowing around, giggles and toys scattered. ‘’Wow, how far long are you?’’ 

‘’Almost 14 weeks’’ 

‘’That’s like... a lot?’’ Maren asked while getting up.

Elsa laughed. ‘’I’m not even halfway through it’’ 

‘’Yikes. At least you look pretty’’ The brunette commented, making Elsa smile wider. A red tint covering her cheeks. She was handed some clothes, a shirt and hoodie. ‘’Remember that?’’

Tie dye shirt bought at the thrift store one sunny afternoon. A dollar. 50 cents each. A  t-shirt they used to share. For bed, for cuddling in the couch or cleaning the house. It was the first thing they bought together and it was stained with memories. Long summer days, long winter nights. Making love and making a living. 

She sighed sadly. ‘’I thought it was lost’’ And she held it closer. The smell fresh, branded with her name. It was a simple shirt, she knew that. Old and wasted. But it held so much, even more than her own heart. It was pure, the reflection of genuine love. Youth and recklessness. The cotton fabric touching her skin sent her back years into the past and turning around to meet her warm eyes didn’t help. 

The brunette stepped  forward; her eyes covered in  uncertainty yet every step felt confident. Once her hand touched the pale skin of her cheek, a shiver traveled down her body. Of course, succumb to the desire of having her touching her body was easy. There was an effortless pace, a familiar path she knew by memory and had her name written on. She leaned over, the need and hunger of tasting her again weakened her the longer she fought the feeling.  Giving in was the obvious choice, it always had been. It was easier than resisting the urge, controlling herself and asking questions. 

The  doorbell rang, echoing in the entire apartment. And they pulled away instantly. 

‘’It’s- it’s the pizza’’ With a shaky breath she explained. ‘’I’ll go...’’

The blonde gulped, swallowing the moment, the intensity, everything. ‘’Yeah, go’’ 

And she was left alone to breathe. Take everything in, calm her heart, the passion building inside. That’s how easy it was to fall.  _ The  _ _ pheromones _ , she  blamed .  _ The hormones _ , she also blamed. Anything but the obvious increasing need to be held and loved in the way only the brunette knew. 

They ate in silence, awkward yet somehow not really awkward. She felt young, a teenager sitting with her crush. A constant blush, hyperaware of her own movements. They chuckled, looking at each other. 

A movie was  suggested as they cuddled in  each other's arms. The fitted like puzzle pieces, the natural position, so casual and carefree. She allowed  herself that moment of peacefulness, rightness, love. A second movie and they moved to the bed, hidden under the covers, seeking warmth and company. She curled over the brunette’s chest, a hand caressing her blonde and loose hair. And when the brunette laughed, it resonated in her chest. Her body an  amplifier of the sounds. She was in heaven. 

How could she even think about regretting it? Regretting the company of someone who asked no questions, cared with no conditions and was there, present with no  commitments in between. Just her will, just a need, maybe just out of pure love. How could she deny how safe she felt in that moment? 

The sky had stopped its crying, the room was dark but warm. The only light came from the tv and she looked up to see her face lightened by it. Focused gaze, warm sight. Furrowed eyebrows in concentration and small smiles. Perfect and thick eyebrows, long lashes, rosy cheeks. Round nose and full lips. Could she want anything more than her? She cuddled in the crook of her  neck; the warmth was intoxicating. Overwhelming. Homey, even.

Fingers  drawing circles in her back. The arms of someone who cared for them. Did she wish it was the arms of someone else? Not really. Well, maybe a tiny part of her kept hoping Hans would change and turn into the man she had fallen in love with. But she couldn’t keep lying to herself, there was too much water under the bridge. They weren’t the same couple; their marriage wasn’t the same, fallen into a pit with no way out. Then why did she  keep gravitating towards  him?

Then morning came.

A single ray of sunshine peeked through the opened curtains and Elsa cursed. She opened her eyes slowly, moving her face away from the sun. Maren’s head was on Elsa’s chest, a shift had been made. _ So that I can hear your heartbeat, _ Maren had said back then, years ago. The blonde's arms were wrapped around the woman, shielding and protecting. A big spoon. But the most surprising and shocking new discovering was that Maren’s hand was now not across her waist but on  her  lower belly. 

‘’I’m protecting peanut’’ She mumbled and Elsa smiled. ‘’I know you’re awake, I forgot to close the curtains’’ 

‘’It’s okay. What better way to wake up than with a fucking ray of sunshine in your face’’ And Maren laughed, moving up to face Elsa. ‘’You’re still the small spoon’’ 

‘’Only with you. I  got to look  tough to the rest’’ And Elsa laughed. ‘’It’s 8am, want some breakfast?’’ 

‘’Only if you’re making banana pancakes’’ And Maren smiled, getting up from the bed and heading to the kitchen. 

She stretched in bed forcing herself to wake up fully. But laying there, in the middle on the bed under the many covers they had slept in, was more appealing than  whatever was outside waiting. 

A hum, A singing.  _ Maren _ . 

Maybe she was wrong. What was  outside was better. 

She turned around, grabbed her phone from the floor and scrolled through the notifications. There were no signs of Hans, which she was grateful for. Instead she had multiple texts from her sister who was persistent on her presence today for lunch. And she texted her back a yes, because while she couldn’t provide her all the answers Anna wanted, she could at least be present and there for her. 

She stepped out of the room when she smelled the pancakes and the baby agreed they needed to move asap. ‘’I knew the smell would get you here’’ 

And Elsa sat in front of the pancake tower Maren had built, her eyes glowing and mouth watering. ‘’I think I’m in love with this building’’ 

And the brunette laughed. ‘’Don’t be ridiculous and eat them before they get cold. There’s syrup and Peanut butter on the counter’’ And Elsa’s eyes sparkled at the mention of the paste. 

They shared a wonderful breakfast and went to bed afterwards, laying there for as long as they could. Hoping time would stop. The quietness of the place, the  steadiness of the breathing, the body pressed to hers. She took a moment to  appreciate it. And while there was a part of her that still hated herself for being so weak and running back to the arms of the brunette, after everything she had suffered, all the heartache and pain, she just couldn’t deny the warmth and love that emanated from them. How safe she felt. How cared for. If there was a  place she wished she could stay forever, was there, in those arms. 

‘’I have to go’’ Elsa spoke while playing with Maren’s hand. Her head was on the brunette’s chest and her tanned hand had found its way on top of peanut again. ‘’Anna wants me to have lunch with her’’ 

‘’And I have to go help Ryder move into his new apartment’’ Maren commented. Neither moved, too comfortable to care,  too painful to let go. ‘’Elsa?’’ 

‘’Mm?’’ 

‘’Does he hurt you?’’ She asked and she tensed. ‘’I saw the bruises in your arms and body’’ But Elsa remained quiet and that was all the confirmation Maren needed. ‘’If you need me to come get you, I will okay?’’ 

Yet the blonde didn’t reply. ‘’I should go’’ And she did, she got up and got changed. Packed her things and left the room. But before leaving, she turned around and smiled sadly at her. ‘’See you on Monday’’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit that was deep. I'm trying to add things to my writing style as I go. We all learn, I'm still a newbie and have LOT to learn from everyone here. 
> 
> Wait Kate, so Elsa’s favorite pizza is not margherita? Lmao as if Hans would get that right hahaha of course not duh. Whatever Maren says, it is. And if she says it’s pepperoni, IT’S PEPPERONI. 
> 
> And I know. Ugh Maren, grab that blondie and drag her to that cottage in the mountains she wants and just do your thing with your lips and I don’t know. I’m getting frustrated too. I’m like Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart. I’m a writer but also a reader, my two personalities collide and I’m frustrated too. I get you. 
> 
> TAKE A HINT HONEYMAREN!! ffs 
> 
> But everything has a purpose. You know how trust is easier to break than to build? How hard will Elsa make it for Maren? Elsa doesn’t strike me as a grudge-holder but still. A broken heart is hard to mend. Those are my genuine thoughts at midnight. Now I’m sad. 
> 
> I don’t know when the notes section turned into my own personal diary, I apologize lmao but yeah, lemme know how do you think we could get rid of Hans. Even if it involves murder, I don’t care. 
> 
> See ya soon. 
> 
> Thank you <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kate, proofreading at 2am and barely awake doesn't count as such.   
> But it does right?   
> This is my lame attempt at apologizing beforehand hahaha
> 
> Anywayyyyy enjoy

The weekly routine felt more than that. It wasn’t just the single routine, a tight and neat schedule. More like voluntary hangouts. Breakfasts turned into lunches and afternoons turned into nights. Mostly filled with the intensity that only she could provide. There was a tension, something obvious, palpable, reachable. Sexual tension some would call it. A carnal desire? Hunger? Thirst? Skin to skin contact that felt lifesaving? 

_ The pregnancy hormones _ , definitely.

While her husband had decided to spend more time traveling and working, she had found herself seeking the shelter in her arms. The healing mixture of hot tea, warm blankets, soft touches and the ghost of her lips on her bruised skin. And no questions asked, no judgement, no pushing. Just plain old good acceptance that whenever she’d be ready to share, she would. 

But why was spending time with her so mending? In the silence of the night, engulfed in the kindness of her heart, between half opened lids she spotted her sewing her wounds one by one. The dreams in which she woke up all fixed, turned into a harsh reality when the heaviness of her mistakes, suffering and longing came crashing down on her, like tons of brick  being thrown at her. 

Still she couldn’t deny how good it made her feel. Them. It wasn’t just her anymore. She was scared beyond reasoning, for everything and everyone. But she couldn’t lie to herself, there were still too many questions to be asked but the mere thought of what the answers could provide - more agony, more uncertainty, more heartache - was enough to scare her. It was better to live this way than to continue to feel lonely. 

For 17 weeks life had been  developing inside of her. Her tiny peanut. Growing strong and steady, small movement could be felt yet only by her. At first it was a small fluttering, nothing too shocking or alarming, but it had been increasing, getting stronger. She’d find herself grinning in the middle of a meeting or stopping in the middle of the hallway, a feeling she was glad couldn’t be shared yet. A gift, a connection, a never-ending bond. 

Regardless, she felt happier. 

That could also be attributed to the Maren treatment but she wouldn’t think much about it.

‘’C’mon! I bet some good money on this’’ The brunette complained from the middle of the living room. Her caramel eyes followed the blonde around the apartment, seeking for an answer.

Elsa stopped. ‘’You bet some good money on my child’s gender?’’ Realization downing on her. She turned around, running up to where the brunette was standing. A steady finger raised and placed on her chest, accusatory. ‘’Against whom if no one knows?’’ 

Three blinks. A brain formulating the correct answer. She chuckled. ‘’Against Ryder, Elsa’’ Maren rolled her eyes at the obvious answer. ‘’I bet it’ll be a girl. Am I right?’’ With raised eyebrows she leaned over, expectantly. She didn’t reply, not because she didn’t want to - although the thought of watching her suffer loudly crossed her mind, she shook it off – But because she honestly didn’t know. They had offered her the opportunity of finding out, through whatever method was available. But she kindly rejected them. ‘’By the way, I think it’s time to tell your family’’ 

Another subject the brunette made sure to approach subtly.  _ It’s always a family matter with you _ , she had said months ago. In reality, it was complicated. Her heart conflicted at the duality of the decision. Telling them would surely be a relief, the welcoming support she would receive from them. But it would also require to explain why Hans didn’t know, why she didn’t want him to know or Runeard for that matter. Why her life was suddenly a rollercoaster with no breaks, the evidence of the highs and lows visible throughout the weeks. 

Was she ready to face that? The unstoppable round of questioning? Her own thoughts in dispute. ‘’I don’t know, I don’t think I’m ready for that yet’’ 

But a warm hand on her own worked as encouragement. The needed boost to power the drained battery that was her life. She was that. Had become that inadvertently. A beacon of hope and light in the dark and thick mist. 

‘’What’s the worst that can happen, honestly? Anna would get extra excited, become overly protective and just start buying every baby item she sees’’ The brunette commented while moving around the kitchen, placing plates on the counter. 

A steamy pot with warm marinara. Freshly cooked pasta. Grated parmesan on the top. Basil leaves. Lunch felt more appetizing than ever, her stomach growling. They  sat; the habitual activity came natural to them. Their spots branded with their names. 

‘’Well, at least someone should start buying things’’ She mumbled while chewing a big mouthful of noodles. The simplicity of letting go of manners. She was hungry, the taste of the magnificent food forbade her from the regally so accustomed in her. If she could, she would jump into her plate and devour everything, swim in the deliciousness that the sauce was. Choking on a noddle would be nothing but a please.

The brunette got up, snapping her out of her own imaginary thoughts. Her hair flowed behind her as she ran to the bedroom,  disappearing through the door. There were noises of things being thrown to the floor, followed by a trail of curses. Bad words. But Maren returned with a big smile plastered on her face, faded dimples  appearing on her squishy cheeks. Eyes glowing in anticipation. A pink dotted bag in her  hand.

‘’I went out with Ryder the other day and spotted this. I tried hard not to buy it but you know, it called me’’ And she handed the bag to Elsa, her hand anxiously grabbing the handle. The blonde smiled confused but grateful nonetheless. It wasn’t anthrax, that she knew. She searched through the bag, her hand touching cotton. She pulled out a small dusty rose long sleeve romper with an embroidered peanut. It was the tiniest thing Elsa had seen and the thought of her baby wearing it brought tears to her eyes. ‘’There’s more’’ 

She pulled out tiny pale rose socks and a beanie, a matching set with the same distinctively peanut. Her eyes filled with tears, her heart filling with a sense of love and care. Her baby was important, loved and taken care of. There were fears and obvious wariness about the life she was building for that little one. How much she wanted to be enough, to be able to provide more than the economic stability but the emotional one, to grow around people that would be there unconditionally. Was that proof enough? She wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks with the sleeve of her sweater. ‘’You’re betting your life that it’s a girl’’ 

‘’I am’’ 

They finished their lunch with no rush, the conversation flowing like the wind in autumn. It was that easy. And she had to remind herself that whatever ideal she had built around her, in her mind, was far from the  reality she had chosen for herself. 

Still, they went to bed to cuddle. The domestic aspects of the unnamed and unlabeled relationship they had built made her feel safe and protected. They would spend most of the nights together and Maren would take care of her in a way she never had been. In a way Hans never had and while it made her sick to even attempt to compare them, she couldn’t help it. They provided her different things and meant different aspects of her life she was still having trouble accepting. He couldn't provide what she could. In that same line, she knew both had hurt her deeply and forgiveness was a hard concept she had trouble comprehending.

She laid her head on the fluffy and soft pillow, the fatigue increasing. Carrying a human was no easy task and never had been. It was hard work, often painful and draining. A warm hand kept rubbing circles around the skin of her belly, under the layers of clothing. Vanilla. ‘’Penny for your thoughts?’’ 

A smile, followed by a sense of relief. She turned her head to meet her, inches away from her. Noses barely touching. ‘’Just thinking about life and this tiny human growing inside of me’’ 

‘’Is she giving you trouble?’’ The inquiry was followed by a furrow and a movement. The brunette crawled down to be at level with her pelvic area. A deep red settled in the blonde’s cheek, her brain overworking itself with countless images and scenarios. ‘’Peanut, you better behave properly for mama here’’ Soft kisses were planted on her navel, moving up until she was face to face with the blonde. She smiled warmly. ‘’If she gives you more trouble you let me know so I can ground her’’ 

She couldn’t help but chuckle, rolling her eyes and swallowing down the thirst she had for her touch to never leave her. ‘’Ground her? She’s already stuck in my uterus’’ 

‘’Well, I could always start singing’’ 

‘’Please don’t’’ One arm flew across the brunette’s body, a futile attempt to stop her. A high note was reached and she had to pretend it was awful when in reality it was perfect, the singing of angels. Dying angels but still. Her voice was everything, meant too much. They giggled as she moved to rest her head on the crook of her neck and Maren wrapped her arms around her shoulders. They stayed like that for the shortest period of time, the silence was intoxicating with the affection it provided, the sense of safeness and refugee. 

But she had to let go.

As she drove down the familiar road adorned with tall trees, her thoughts kept gravitating towards how harder it was getting to say goodbye to Maren even if they saw each other at work every day. The level of intimacy they shared at her home was something she found herself craving more and more each time. Her eyes left the road for a second and landed on the pink gift bag. 

A simple action had made everything even worse. Her conflicted heart was tangled up with her own lack of decision. It wasn’t hard, the choice whatever, whenever, wherever you saw it was still obvious. But she was scared. Her record with big decisions was deficient and there were more lives in dispute. It wasn’t just her anymore. But what else could she do other than wallow in her own self-pity? Ask for help? Resort to an outsider’s help? Anna? 

The trail of thoughts accompanied her until she was in front of the big house. She smiled softly, her sister had a great life, a husband who loved her, kids who loved her. She was happy and Elsa would never wish for something else for her. 

Once opening the big wooden  door, she was greeted with Ava, their housekeeper. She motioned the blonde to go upstairs and  disappeared . The foyer was cleaned, impeccable. The hard work of the woman paying off. The stairs were also clean of toys, which was often the sight you would encounter. Yet something inside told her that the mess was hidden in the second floor. And she wasn’t wrong.

She caught a glimpse of her sister. The redhead was going crazy trying to get the twins to get dressed and she still had to get little Louis bathed and dressed. She was tempted to exit the house quietly and wait in the car for the mess to subside. Wasn’t she supposed to prepare herself for this life? Crazy toddler life? She asked the universe for her little one to be calmer. With a sigh she moved to the children’s bedroom, offering her sister’s help with Lou as she watched the silent thank you her sister gave her.

Louis was all Kristoff, from the blonde hair to the laid-back personality. He was still a baby  transitioning to toddler who would run down the stairs if bored but he was pretty chill most of the times. Unlike his older siblings who were a mess. The twins were all Anna. The redheads were troublemakers, could never stay calm and loved to make mischief around the house. It was payback for everything Anna had put everyone through and she knew it. That’s why she never really complained. 

She put the last shoe on Lou’s foot and helped him up. ‘’There, all set’’ 

And he ran away to play with his toys. His hair ruffled with the movement. Elsa kissed the boy’s head and left to help Anna. But the young woman didn’t need her help as she watched the twins all cleaned running down the stairs to the backyard. 

‘’I don’t think I was that bad’’ The redhead complained. Messy braid and messed-up clothes. But she was equally bad. Her brain was filled with fond memories of twin braids flowing in the wind, scattered toys, loud and uncontainable giggles. Restless nights, hyperactive behaviors. Running around. 

She shared a big smile at the warm thoughts. ‘’I think you were Anna’’ And the redhead rolled her eyes, moving over to her sister and motioning her to join her in the master bedroom. ‘’Where’s Kristoff, by the way?’’ 

‘’Booze duty with papa’’ 

The room resembled anything of Anna’s personality. It was neatly cleaned and organized. The  house maiden's job perfectly done. There were countless  photographs on a table. Family. Children. Happy times. Epitome of her life and deep wishes. Stuffed animals in a corner, a pair of small shoes in the opposite end. The only items out of place. An  astounding calmness emanating from every corner. The smell of freshness, mint and lavender. 

She removed her shoes, leaving them outside the door. Unmatching bright yellow and pink socks, in contrast with her black skinny jeans. She sat on top of the bed, the soft comforter and pillows. She had to force herself not to jump in there for a nap. 

A strong fluttering forced her to stop her movement. Warmth spreading through her chest like the first time. It never got old. A big smile grew in her face. ‘’Someone’s happy. Is it the booze? because I could use some’’ 

Despite the sudden need to laugh at the comment, she found herself focusing on the small baby’s movement that kept going. Bright blue eyes sparkled with happiness as she met her sister’s teal ones filled with confusion.  Honeymaren’s words echoed in her mind, the desperate and increasing need to share this good with the redhead, share fears, happiness, pain. Anything. 

One second it took to consider the idea. 

_ Oh, screw it.  _

‘’I’ve been a bad sister. No, a terrible sister and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me’’ Her dramatic  antics that despite her age, couldn’t get rid of. She was a dramatic person at heart, not in the bad sense of the world. She wasn’t mean nor an attention seeker. Not at all. Everything was felt on a deeper level.

The redhead’s freckled face turned into worry. The frown deepening. ‘’What did you do?’’ 

Her  shoeless feet carried her out the room in a quick and swift motion. The pink bag  shining brightly in a  corner of Louis’ room. Her stomach filled with knots, anxiety. Nervous was the words. How could she not? Sharing that information meant more than anyone would ever think. Regardless, it needed to be done. 

She returned to the room, to the same position she was before. Anna’s face remained the same mixed of emotions. 

_ A  _ _ big _ _ shaky breath.  _

‘’I just... there’s a reason why I haven’t told anyone and I’d like to keep it that way. Something between you and me’’ She handed her the pink bag with expectations higher than ever, her eyes growing in concern as she overlooked every slow movement of her sister. Her freckled hand inside, searching through and landing on the item, pulling it out. Widened eyes followed by a gasp and a quick move she couldn’t catch up in time until feeling her arms around her. And sobbing, loudly. ‘’Are you crying?’’ 

‘’Yes’’ She replied in a  high-pitched voice. ‘’It’s a girl?’’ 

‘’No, I mean Maren thinks it’s a girl but I don’t know’’ 

At the comment Anna pulled apart. ‘’Maren?’’ The blonde rolled her eyes, hiding the obvious embarrassment at the slip of her name.  _ Of course _ _ that  _ _ Maren _ _ would be involved, Anna. She’s the father. _ No. Thoughts out of her mind and back to the reality. ‘’How far long are you?’’ 

‘’17 weeks’’ 

In a slow motion the redhead raised her hand and smacked her arm. ‘’That’s a lot, Elsa! When were you planning on telling me? On your way to the hospital?’’ 

She was taken aback by the inquiry but still, smiled. Mischief growing in the back of her mind. Payback for all the jokes, all the crazy games and pranks. ‘’No! After the baby was born’’ And she earned another smack this time on the back of her head. ‘’Hey!’’ 

‘’Does Hans know?’’ It took a total of a  second for the mood to shift from happiness to worry. The questions though innocent, filled the blonde with remorse and pain. Unable to provide a verbal answer she shook her head. ‘’Is everything okay between you two?’’

‘’I guess’’ She shrugged. ‘’But today it’s not about us but about peanut’’ 

‘’Peanut?’’ Anna asked confused and Elsa pointed at her belly. ‘’You called you baby peanut? Why am I not surprised?’’ 

And they talked for the longest yet shortest period of time while Anna got changed into clean clothes. They talked about the baby, Anna’s obvious excitement, the birth of her three boys and many things. They talked and talked and talked like the old times. And for a small briefly second, she allowed herself the thought of normalcy the conversation gave her. 

Eventually they had to leave the chitchat for another moment because the house became louder as her parents arrived. Elsa took a second before walking down the stairs to put her mask on. She so desperately wished she could tell them about peanut and just be open about her fears and experiences the past few months, but there was so much she could lose by doing so, the mere thought drove her insane. 

‘’Wine?’’  Agnarr offered her the tempting glass of forbidden beverage while kissing her head affectionately. 

_ Yes, please _ . But she shook her head. ‘’I’m quitting alcohol for now, trying to stay healthy’’ 

‘’Healthy?’’ He asked, confused. ‘’You’re the healthiest person I know. But okay, whatever’’ And he moved to offer the glass to her mother. She sighed, relieved. 

She watched her family hanging out in the terrace and she smiled. No one asked her about Hans which she was grateful for. But watching them sharing and laughing made her feel extremely lonely. She felt a small hand on her knee and she looked down to meet her little nephew’s tired green eyes. He raised one arm asking to be held while rubbing an eye with the other. He was sucking on a pacifier and Elsa knew he wanted cuddles. He loved auntie Elsa’s cuddles. She held him in her arms and walked over to the couch, sitting there and snuggling him on her chest. 

‘’Song’’ He mumbled and she smiled, starting to hum his favorite song. His tiny hand went to caress her face and she smiled wider, holding him closer to her. 

The first and only time she and  Hans had spoken about starting a family was after his parents had mentioned it. They had been dating for two years, they were engaged and at a family gathering they asked them if they had plans of expanding the family. They looked at each other and smiled, not really knowing what to answer. 

When they got home that  night, they spoke about it. Elsa had been overwhelmed with work as usual, she wasn’t sure the moment was the best and he agreed. He was never too eager about the subject and that was it. They never spoke about it anymore. 

And for the longest time she felt okay with it. She would watch Anna struggle with raising his kids and she would be okay with her decision but other times she would watch them spend time together as a family and wonder if maybe she was in fact being selfish. 

But there was something inside of her that always prevented her from doing more than wishing. She thought she wasn’t enough, didn’t have what it took to be a good mother. While her financial status was the best and they could grant a kid the best life, she knew that wasn’t enough. She was just scared of what the responsibility meant; at the end she still had her  own baggage to deal with. 

She wasn’t ready and she thought she would never be ready. And she was okay with that, never questioned herself that decision and neither did Hans. But now that she was carrying a child, her own blood growing inside of her, she realized she wanted it. For so long she had lied to herself about it, hid behind her fears and lame excuses. But now that she was forced to face them, she felt happy about the decision of carrying the baby to term and watching it grow.

Even if that meant doing it alone. 

‘’Els?’’ Anna’s voice snapped her out her thoughts. She looked at her sister that was kneeling in front of her. Her sight moved to the rest of her  family; they were  standing a few steps behind looking at her. ‘’You zoned out’’

‘’Oh’’

She tried to move but Anna stopped her, motioning the sleeping toddler she was cradling. Lou had fallen asleep some time during her train of thoughts. Anna gently tried to lift him up but he stirred, moving closer to Elsa and holding onto the blonde’s sweater. ‘’That’s weird’’ 

‘’I’ll take him upstairs’’ 

‘’Are you sure?’’ Anna asked concerned. But Elsa still nodded, getting up slowly with the baby in her arms. 

As she was about to enter the house, the main door opened and  Runeard stepped inside. Elsa tensed at his presence and he smiled at her. The view of her carrying a child was enough for him and she squinted her eyes at the man, disgusted at least before turning to the stairs with Anna following closer. 

She laid the toddler on his crib and covered him with a blanket. 

‘’Lou was glued to you’’ The redhead commented as they walked down the stairs. ‘’Do you think it was because of peanut?’’ 

Elsa turned to Anna confused. ‘’Peanut? What?’’ 

‘’Yeah, they say babies can sense pregnancies. They get clingy and all’’ Anna commented off-handedly. 

‘’That goes to the list of things I didn’t know about’’ Elsa mentally noted and followed Anna to the backyard where everyone was having a good talk. Kristoff was in charge of the grill and he kindly accepted Agnarr’s suggestions which were terrible. The man was a pro when it came to business but cooking? A big no. 

Runeard was talking to  Iduna at the entrance. Elsa made sure to by-pass them quickly and moved to her father’s side, even if her lungs were burning with the smoke of the burnt meat. Agnarr’s fault, Kristoff had commented. 

She had to move away when she heard her phone ringing in her pocket. 

‘Where are you?’ Hans’ drunken voice filled her ears and she sighed. 

‘At Anna’s. She invited me over for dinner, my grandfather’s back’ And she heard him curse. ‘Hans?’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ 

‘I did’

‘No, you didn’t! We’ll talk when you get home’ And he hung up, leaving her shaken up. She just needed to survive, one night at a time. She repeated to herself like a mantra. 

‘’If I didn’t know you better, I would say you’re  avoiding me,  pumpkin ’’ 

_ Fucking great. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hello, I didn’t see you there.   
> Yes, the Elsamaren content... you’re welcome. I was legit writing that I thought we were done with the angsty angst but I don’t think so, like I’m not sure haha I think so tho, like at least the heavy angst with trigger warnings and all. We could all use the heads-up right? I dont even know where my story is at. I've been writing too much. Help.
> 
> But since I already said that this section was more of a personal diary, I want to share that I’ve been writing SO MUCH FLUFF I FEEL WEIRD hahaha it’s good, tho it makes me feel lonely *cries* you think this is like a spoiler but fluff can be anything really, FAMILY, RELATIONSHIP, SIBLINGS. ELSAMAREN, HELSA, KRISTANNA, AGDUNA (is that the name?) 
> 
> ANYWAY, I thought I should share that piece of information. I’m an idiot and highly impulsive. I still don't know what to do with Hans. I think I'm gonna have Maren stab him in the eye. Idk. 
> 
> yep.
> 
> I hope you’re okay, healthy and all. 
> 
> Thanks for the ssssssupppport. Wow, I am so annoying.   
> See ya soon.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel awful every time I have to say that I didn't proofread a chapter because that's like me being lazy.   
> But it's not... well, it is but not really.   
> Check my diary - I mean, notes for more lame explanations lol

She had decided she hated him. At some point in her life she had despise some of his attitudes, comments, his beliefs but now, she knew she hated him. Oh, and his voice.  _ Chills.  _ That was something she couldn’t even stand.

‘’I wasn’t trying to be subtle’’ Her tone harsher than ever, the reflection of her true and evident attitude towards him. He was the only person she would ever dare speak like that, because deep down she knew he would never physically hurt her. His ways of torture went beyond that. 

The men in her life could be categorized in two; douchebags and sweethearts. And right now, he was in the first category along with Hans. But as much she thought of it, there was no way she would voice it because while she hated the man, he still had so much power over her. 

‘’Where’s your husband, pumpkin?’’ She also tried hard not to cringe at the nickname. At first it was cute and it reminded her of her childhood with all the family trips to the mountains, good things, positive memories she held dearly in her heart. But now it had become something disgusting, tinted with cruelty.

‘’Couldn’t make it’’ She replied and made the motion of walking pass him to go back to her family but he grabbed her arm and stopped her. Said action made her flinch because under that  tough exterior she fought hard to keep, there was still a terrified woman and every violent action reminded her of how much hurt it could lead to. 

Runeard lit one of his cigars and motioned the young woman to follow him. And she did, because despite everything, she still feared him. ‘’I may have resigned my position in the board but I still hold the same power inside the company. I’m still  Runeard Arendelle after all and I know  _ everything _ that happens in my company’’ His voice was low and threatening. ‘’For instance, I know you missed your first day of work. I know about the alliance you finally managed to concrete with the law firm we’ve been after for years. And especially I know about Honeymaren  Nattura working in the company now’’ 

The way her name rolled out of his mouth made her sick. ‘’I have nothing to do with that’’ 

‘’Oh, I know. But trust me when I tell you that I _will_ know if the professional relationship becomes anything more, just remember our deal’’ 

She watched him leave, taking with him the authoritarian figure, often mistaken with narcissism and  arrogance she despised deeply each passing second. His words drilled into her brain, threatening, sending signals of fear and alarm. How stupid she felt for thinking Maren had the magical ability to fix the unfixable, of turning her life upside down. When all Elsa had been doing, was putting everyone at risk. Starting with herself. 

She really tried to have fun the rest of the night but she couldn’t. She excused herself early and went home where Hans was waiting. They argued and it ended up with the usual violent sexual act. And she cried herself to sleep, wondering if maybe she deserved all of that. After all she had been a shitty wife. She cheated on him and not only that, he did it with Maren, which she knew would become a huge issue if he ever found out. 

Going from one place to the other, trying to escape the mess that her life had become wasn’t doing the job she thought could. She didn’t feel safe anywhere, not even with Maren.  Of course she wanted to put her feelings first, to be able to leave Hans and  Runeard and move on with her life, but there was too much at risk she felt like drowning. Everything was becoming too  much; she was losing control.

The following weeks amidst the increasing and  uncontrollable harsh reality, the  bolnde set a safe distance between her and Maren. Everything was strictly professional and work related. She had turned down every proposal the brunette had offered and while it pained her, she knew it was the only thing she could do to protect her. The one thing she could control. The outcome not the expected but she needed to do it.

‘’Elsa?’’ Anna’s voice reached her and she turned away from the window. The redhead was standing by the door of the dark office  \- darkness provided by the gloomy weather. ‘’Are you okay?’’ 

She honestly didn’t know, couldn’t find it in herself the answers to the questions everyone continued to ask. Everything most certainly didn’t feel okay, that she knew. Everything was crumbling to pieces and she was at the center, watching it all crashing down on her. ‘’Yeah’’ Still, she lied. 

‘’Where were you this morning?’’ Anna asked her, entering the room and closing the door behind. ‘’I came by the office to drop you something and you weren’t here’’ 

‘’I had a doctor’s appointment’’ Elsa replied casually, still standing by the window pane. ‘’It’s officially a girl’’ 

She missed Anna’s shrieking and small dance party because she was too caught up in her own twirl of emotions. She was 20 weeks pregnant and every day she felt more and more alone. She had pushed away the only person who made her feel something other than awful. And she hated herself for it, for missing her that much. For allow her to even believe for a split of a second that a fairytale could happen. Happy endings weren’t real, they didn’t happen; especially for people like her.

She felt Anna’s hand on her shoulder and she looked up. ‘’ Penny for your thoughts?’’ 

‘’You don’t have a penny’’ Elsa stated quietly and Anna smiled. ‘’I’m overwhelmed, that’s all’’ 

‘’You still haven’t told Hans?’’ The redhead asked and she shook her head. ‘’Are you two still... sexually active?’’ She asked and Elsa sighed. 

‘’We are’’ 

‘’Then how on earth hasn’t he noticed?’’ 

There  were a lot of factors, the poor lighting, the alcohol abuse and also the fact he just didn’t care. He didn’t care about the sudden change in the sexual position, that even if for Elsa was  wearying, he still enjoyed. But none of those she would tell her. ‘’I guess he hasn’t been paying enough attention. He’s been traveling a lot and we barely see each other anymore’’ 

And while Anna didn’t sound fully convinced, she accepted the answer either way. ‘’Have you thought of a name?’’ 

But Elsa couldn’t tell her that she had. Because that meant she had been thinking about keeping the baby and a few days ago she realized maybe that wasn’t the best idea. Thoughts crept into her mind, filled with uncertainty and insecurity, and she was scared. Thoughts like the many options she had, that her doctor had so nicely explained. There wasn’t anything she wouldn’t do to make sure this baby had the life she knew couldn’t fully provide. And while she had the financial conditions to do so, she knew it wasn’t the only thing a baby needed to grow. It needed stability, a loving family and Elsa had already fucked that up with every decision she had made in her life. 

This baby deserved everything she couldn’t give her. And it was painful, so heartbreaking she couldn’t breathe if she allowed herself a second to think about it. So, she locked the thought in a box and placed it somewhere deep. 

‘’No’’ 

And then Anna started talking about baby names and color schemes for the nursery. And there was so much talking she had to bite her cheek to stop the tears from falling, the heartache too much of a burden to be shared. 

For the first time she thanked the universe when Anna had to leave, for she was allowed to breathe and get rid of the tears that she held in. She was sad, of course she was sad. But the refused to feel sorry for herself. It was the right thing to do and while she knew carrying the weight of that decision alone was too much, it was sadly the only way. 

The rest of the day she spent it dwelling on the past. There were so many things she could’ve done different so the story would’ve been different. She thought of Maren and her lovely caramel eyes and how much she missed spending time with her, cuddling with her and letting her forget about her problems for a little. 

And there she was, in all her grandeur. Her hair glimmering under the fluorescent lights of the office, her cheeks tinted with red, tired eyes and short smile. ‘’I have the files you requested yesterday’’ 

Elsa nodded at her. ‘’Thank you’’

But the brunette didn’t leave. Elsa watched her fidgeting with her fingers anxiously and waited patiently for her thoughts to clear and ask whatever she wanted. ‘’Did I do something wrong?’’ 

Her heart clenched in her chest. ‘’No, of course not’’ She was quick to reassure Maren about it. 

‘’You pushed me away and I keep trying to figure out why but I just, I don’t understand’’ 

And of all the reactions Elsa could have, she just smiled.  Honeymaren looked small, scared even. The fearless lawyer she had manage to know was nothing compared to the woman standing in front of her. And she felt bad for being the cause of her distress. ‘’I’m sorry. I’m swamped with work and I need some time’’ 

‘’Okay’’ The brunette replied warmly and turned around to leave. Elsa’s gaze followed her until she reached the door. ‘’I miss you’’ She muttered before exiting and the blonde was left with the same, exact feeling. A mirror of the brunette’s emotions. She indeed missed her too. 

That evening she went home with an awful feeling, something between peaceful and empty. Seeing Maren always made her feel better but the day overall hadn’t been the best and she was just exhausted. She clutched the ultrasound image tightly to her chest as she drove down the streets of the crowded city. 

She was determined today was going to be the day. Hans deserved to know even if he wanted to be a part of the journey or not. He deserved to know the decisions that needed to be made and she really needed to stop pretending everything was okay. She was growing tired and her health couldn’t be compromised, not anymore. Maybe they could start talking about other stuff in the process, returning to therapy or finally something Elsa had avoided thinking of but knew was the most crucial decision: divorce. 

Divorcing him would not only make her feel safe but could potentially save her life. But she was too scared and ashamed of doing it. She kept thinking of her family and how happy they were with their respective partners. Why couldn’t she have that? Didn’t she  deserve the love of someone? Anyone?

The thought brought tears to her eyes. There was one person who would love her no matter what, that type of unconditional love that no number of past mistakes could erase. That was peanut. But she was too terrified of messing up that child’s life too. And making  _ that _ mistake, she would never forgive herself for. 

Those thoughts followed her through the elevator ride onto the apartment. The place seemed empty at first but she knew it wasn’t. Hans’ shoes were on the entry and so was his laptop opened on the kitchen counter. The sound of the shower running alerted her he was in the bathroom and she forced herself not to peak into the privacy of his computer. She had never done it before and she hoped he hadn’t too. 

But as she walked pass it her eyes spotted something that caught her attention. The message section was opened and the multiple chat exchange made her sick. She scrolled through  it; her brows furrowed in concentration. 

There was a woman, someone who wasn’t her. There were photographs of said woman and so much shared between them that Elsa was angry. Every trip he had made was a disguise for the life he was hiding from her. And she was tempted to look for more information. How long had they been together? What else was he hiding from her? 

But the sound of the bathroom door opening startled her and she took a step back, sneaking into the elevator and pretending to be just arriving. 

‘’Hi’’ She greeted him, swallowing the lump in her throat. He was coming out of the hall, his hair dripping wet. He smiled. 

‘’Hello’’ He leaned over and caught her lips on his. ‘’What happened to those tight skirts you used to wear?’’ He mentioned while eyeing her. She smiled at him and walked over to the bedroom. ‘’Pasta for today?’’ 

‘’Okay’’ 

And she locked herself in the room, her hands shaking and chest tightening. Who was she to preach about loyalty in a relationship when she had been a cheater too? But the evidence and multiple text messages showed months of a relationship, not just a fling but something stable, something Elsa craved deeply. And she was furious at him for being such an asshole, for hurting her, for still wanting something from her even if he had something else. 

She was  embarrassed too and upset. She couldn’t tell him now, not when the whole picture wasn’t clear anymore. There was untold and hidden information, and whatever it took she needed to uncover. She owed it to herself and to the child she was carrying. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kate, it's this the beginning of the end? Well, maybeeee. I wrote this chapter weeks ago, when I had like no idea what to do with my life which is not that different from right now but it was hard to proofread, I wanted to change everything but I was like nah, let them mock me. We can all learn from this awfully written chapter.   
> Anyway, my birthday is next friday and I want - as a birthday present for myself and you - to post chapter 17 that day. Why? well, because it's like A HUGE THING FOR ME OKAY HAHAHA If this story was a tv show, that chapter would be like winter break or something. And I'm excited for what comes after, so excited you don't even knowwwww.   
> Wow, I'm giving away too much. Or not?   
> Shit. Anyway, back to the topic. That means that I have a week to post 5 chapters. You're very welcome haha  
> So stay tune lol haha how lame this self promo is?
> 
> Okay that's all folks.   
> Be safe and okay, thankssss!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know how hard it is to proofread while playing online ludo? I am losing btw but my hopes are still high lol 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter.   
> You're getting what you asked for. I guess haha

It was a sunny late morning, the sun illuminating her office, providing all the light she needed. But her focus wasn’t on anything else but the thick envelope on her desk. Her blue eyes glued to the brown  package; its edges wrinkled. She was distracted, the  lengths she had gone to  uncover the truth were too much, felt like too much. Even for her. Even if she felt like the deserved every piece of the information that was provided. 

A week had passed since the evening she caught the first glimpse of a lie that could potentially lead to so much. There was uncertainty and fear of that unknown, of the  repercussion it could have. But it was something she needed to do, she deserved to know. 

There was this unnerving need to dig beyond and she couldn’t do much with the limited knowledge she had about the subject. So, she hired a man to do the job, the dirty job she refused to do. And as everything she every did, the man exceled at. Within days he had come up with the information and now she held it in her hands. 

Her hands trembled and her heart pounding in her chest as the expectation grew. What if the truth was too much? Would she run away? or would she finally gather the courage to face him? The more she thought about it, the more questions raised in her brain and she was exhausted of them, of thinking and waiting. The thick brown envelope contained her future, every possible outcome for every scenario she had pictured in her mind. But she needed to face them, stop the nonsense and be a grown adult.

Pale hands reached out to grab it, dumping its contents on the desk. Pages after pages of information. There were screenshots of conversations, photographs, emails with flight confirmations, hotel rooms confirmations, credit card records and more. She was disgusted, sad and heartbroken, her eyes filling with tears as she continued to go through every single paper. Some of them were of 3 years ago when they were a seemingly happy couple. 

Every work trip, every hotel reservation, everything was there. The façade of a man who had caused her too much pain, sorrow and agony. In the midst of all the emotions, she found herself enraged. At him, for being a liar, for making her believe all this time that their marriage was something good. For making her take the blame for the failure of a marriage they had. Because at the end, it wasn’t really her fault alone. She couldn’t take the fault for his mistakes, not anymore. 

But she also felt stupid and ashamed, for being so naïve and trust him with more than her heart. For thinking that he could be the one to fix her and care for her in a way that she always dreamed to be held. He had been the daydream, the clear sky after the awful storm that her life had been but it all had been a blunt lie. And the realization hurt more than the act itself. 

She allowed herself a few seconds to calm down and wipe the tears from her cheeks. There was only one thing to be done and that was to face the problem and find a solution. She got up, grabbed the package and threw it inside her bag, grabbing her stuff and going out of her office. She quickly told her  assistant to clear her schedule as she checked Hans’ own in her phone. He was home, she knew that. 

But on the way to the elevator she faced another problem. Standing there, a little shocked but blissful  nonetheless , was Maren. Her sole presence provided a rest, a breath of  fresh air. Her hair was up in a bun, the softness of her neck exposed to the world and she felt desperate for her mouth to kiss that skin. But her thoughts were quickly replaced with her purpose, as their eyes met. 

‘’Are you okay?’’ She asked with furrowed eyebrows. Her eyes curious and tinted with the usual concern she had for the blonde. The latter nodded, unable to provide a verbal answer as she tapped on the button of the elevator, tapping her foot impatiently. ‘’Are you leaving?’’

Elsa cursed the elevator. ‘’Yes, I have an issue that needs to be taken care of’’ 

‘’But there’s a meeting in less than an hour about the foundation’’ And Elsa cursed at herself too for forgetting the damn meeting. ‘’Anna’s coming and your father will be there’’

‘’I know but I just... I’m sorry’’ She begun to explain but her argument – or lack of one – was interrupted by the elevator’s doors opening. She stepped inside, trying her hardest to  ignore the baffled face of the brunette. She’d deal with her family’s rage later, now she had other matters to attend. It was priority number one or else she felt her heart might explode from the concealing of emotions. 

She parked her car roughly in her spot, not caring about technicalities. She’d deal with whoever complained later. She jumped inside the  surprisingly fast elevator, the mirror walls showing the consequences of the past week. The lack of sleep, the overthinking and over-feeling. The doors opened in the last floor and she stepped out in a rush but slowed down as she entered the living room. Something felt different, off. 

There were two glasses on the counter, with half-drank wine. She kept walking, as slowly as possible. Clothing items were scattered on the floor, none belonging to her. A skirt, a blouse. Heels she didn’t recognize. His clothes were on the floor too, that she knew. And while a part of her knew exactly what it was, she needed to confirm it. Everything happened in slow motion. The more she stepped inside the apartment, the more like a stranger she felt in her own home. 

Noises coming from her bedroom forced her feet to carry her there. The hall looking long and narrow; dark. The door was slightly open and she peeked inside. A light brown-haired woman was moving on top of Hans, both panting. For a second, she thought she was dreaming, that she would wake up from the nightmare. 

Her blue orbs met with his green emerald ones. ‘’Shit’’ He stopped, pulling the woman from him and pushing her to the side, covering them up with the grey sheet of the bed. Her bed. The sheet she bought for them a few months ago. She felt disgusted. Her brain refusing to formulate any word, to feeling anything else than an overwhelming sadness. 

The woman hid behind him as he shielded her, protected her from the  imminent rage that could erupt from the blonde, something that never came. Instead, all she got was a short yet direct ‘’leave’’ that sounded foreign, in the voice of someone else that wasn’t her. 

She watched the woman grab something from the floor as Hans handed him his robe, that was discarded on the end of the big bed. Her long light brown hair flowed with her movement, as she ran past her, leaving a cold trail behind. 

‘’What are you doing here, Elsa?’’ He asked her while scratching his jaw and moving to get dress. Yet Elsa couldn’t mutter a word, her throat was closed off in unbearable pain. Her eyes filled with tears but none fell down her cheeks.  _ Not yet _ . There was anger, so much anger but also so much sadness, she wanted to disappear. 

Instead, she turned around to leave. The hall now felt shorter and it took her less than expected to reach the living room. His footsteps echoed in the open space until she felt his hand grabbing her arm painfully. ‘’At least let me explain’’ 

‘’Explain what?! That every time I’d leave the house, you’d bring her here? To my own home?’’ Her voice cracked as tears fell down her eyes. 

‘’No, listen to me. This is nothing, this meant nothing-’’

‘’Oh yeah? Then explain this to me’’ And she went to her discarded bag, searching for the envelope filled with everything. Every single explanation. She slammed it on the counted of the kitchen, the  sound echoing in the entire apartment. But she didn’t care, not when her adrenaline kept rushing through her body looking for release. 

Hans’ took it and opened it; his eyebrows furrowed while looking at the pages. She watched his eyes darkening with anger. Maybe Elsa had taken this too far. ‘’How long have you known about this?’’ 

‘’About the life you’ve been hiding from me?’’ 

He tried to reach out to her but she took a step back. ‘’Elsa-’’ 

‘’No. I want you to leave’’ 

Hans frowned in utter confusion. ‘’What?’’

‘’I want you to leave and I want the divorce, Hans’’ 

It felt empowering saying those words, the things she had thought of and had wanted to say for long. She thought of the baby she was carrying and prayed for her little peanut to be proud of her mama for stepping up for her herself even after all this time and heartache. 

But just like everything in Elsa’s life, this wouldn’t be an easy battle. Hans’ stood up and moved to his bag, retrieving something too. He also slammed the papers on the table, his eyes dark with something else, other than anger.

There were countless photographs of her and Maren together, from the last few weeks. Of Elsa entering Maren’s building, them chatting on the halls, touches that were more than friendly. ‘’You think I’m an idiot and I don’t know you’ve been screwing her this whole time?’’ His voice was threatening, borderline deranged. He laughed, shaking his head maniacally. ‘’You still belong to me, Elsa. Don’t make the mistake of thinking otherwise’’

She smiled sadly while holding a tight grip on one of the photographs. It was from one evening they spent together at the park. Her chest grew with warm emotions at the thought of the brunette smiling carefree in the picture. ‘’I don’t belong to you, Hans’’ 

‘’But you do, Elsa. Who will ever love you like I do?’’ He asked her, passing the back of his hand over her cheek. ‘’No one will, no one does. Especially that woman’’ 

Elsa moved away from his touch, dropping the picture on the table. ‘’You don’t love me, Hans’’ She retorted with teary eyes. ‘’You never did and never will, because you don’t hurt those you love’’ 

And she turned around, grabbed her purse and walked to the elevator while wiping away the tears. There was a heaviness in her chest, the feeling of despair and grief for everything she was starting to realize she needed to leave behind. It wasn’t about what was waiting for her, who was waiting for her but more about what she deserved and needed. Hans wasn’t that, he never was and the thought that her marriage meant nothing for him was destroying her slowly but surely.

‘’Are you leaving? Don’t you fucking dare leave me, Elsa!’’ He yelled, catching up to her and grabbing her arm, turning her around sharply and painfully. 

But Elsa pulled away from his grip. ‘’Don’t you fucking dare touching me again, I swear I’ll bring the whole cavalry to get your ass’’ 

And he let her go, stepping back with furrowed brows. She turned around again and entered the elevator, the only thing giving away the fact that there was something wrong were the bloodshot eyes and flushed cheeks. But she forced herself to remain calm despite the desperate need she had to crumble down to pieces. 

The elevator doors opened and she stepped into the parking lot, jumping inside her car and driving away. Her mind was blank, she felt numb and exhausted. There was something wrong, she knew that. But she needed a clear mind to think of her next steps. Where would she go? She had nowhere, wanted no one’s comfort. She decided to drive around while coming with a plan, while waiting for something, anything to happen. 

The first indicator that things were about to go down were the trembling hands. Followed by an almost unbearable pressure in her chest, her shallow breathing and the tears that somehow kept falling, even if she kept wiping them away. 

She had to park eventually, leaning over the steering wheel and crying her heart out. There was so much pain, so much sorrow she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t stop, couldn’t calm herself. The burning image of another woman in her bed kept reappearing, every damage Hans had done to her, every night she had cried to sleep. Everything kept coming back and she was overwhelmed with all the emotions she had pushed to the very back. 

Eventually she calmed herself enough to be able to drive away somewhere. She knew she wanted the comfort of people. She thought of Maren but couldn’t force herself to feel beyond the need of something else. Maren always meant happy things, Maren meant intimacy and the closest thing she had to a family right now. And she didn’t want that. She also meant pain, betrayal, grief. And staying away from those feelings was the healthiest decision she had come up with.

She also thought of Anna but that wasn’t something she needed either. She asked too many questions, she would look at her with her bright eyes and tell her that everything would be okay. Light up her heart with fake positivity, something she didn’t want. 

Elsa allowed her heart to lead the way, for the first time in ten years. Let the emotions be her guide. She found herself in front of the big Victorian style house, the one that held so many dear memories. She parked outside and made her way to the front, her eyes filling with more tears as she stood in the front door unable to knock. She was ashamed and scared, but mostly she was so, so sad the only thought that kept her driving was the warm hugs she would be able to get. She eventually knocked. Three times to be precise, and waited for a figure to open the door. 

In front of her was the warm image of her mother, with her dark brown hair in the usual bun and surprised grey eyes. The old woman frowned at her daughter but jumped straight to embrace her before she could even dare to ask anything. And Elsa received the hug like her life depended on it. She sobbed in her mother’s arms, the safest place she had ever been. 

‘’It’s okay Elsie, you’re okay’’ The soothing words worked to calm her down, the circular motion on her back too. And when she was able to move,  Iduna led her eldest inside the house. 

They sat in silence in the couch, cuddling in each other’s arms. Elsa didn’t feel like letting go of her position in the couch, even if it had been half an hour. Especially if Iduna kept caressing her forehead and face, planting kisses in her crown. The quietness was desperately needed and so welcomed by both women. 

Her mother’s hand kept stroking her flushed cheeks in a very loving way and Elsa closed her eyes, feeling at ease with the movement. There wasn’t much thinking, there was more accepting and feeling the moment. She loved her mother, loved every moment she got to share with her, especially if those were this intimate, for those were brief. 

There was a complicity between the two women that she didn’t have with Anna. Maybe it was the fact that Elsa was the eldest and everything had been a discovering with her or that a part of  Iduna kept trying to find a way to relate to the introverted young woman. Either way, they were always very close and understanding of each other’s ways of viewing the world. 

Elsa smiled softly at the small fluttering she felt in her lower abdomen, the sudden realization that she could have that same complicity with someone too. That despite everything that had happened with Hans, she still had someone who would never let her go. That whatever she had thought, whatever she had decided at some point about the adoption, was long gone. She was going to keep the baby, she needed to remind herself that whatever wrong they had done in the past could be reserved, yet not excused with the life that will be born. It was a new opportunity, a new beginning.

That her little girl will not be like her, will not grow up knowing what heartache is or what pain is. She will arrive to a world with people that will love her and want her. 

The blonde moved her hand and grabbed her mother’s, who squeezed in return. Elsa led  Iduna’s hand to her lower belly, placing it in front of her belly that was now more prominent. While there were no words being spoken, there was a sharp gasp and a soft stroke. She kissed her daughter’s head and leaned over to rest on top of it. 

Their silence was interrupted by the arrival of  Agnarr , who frowned confused at her wife one he spotted her daughter. Elsa wasn’t asleep but was resting her eyes, fatigue taking over her body. The man leaned over her and planted a kiss on her temple, forcing her to open her eyes. He saw the bloodshot eyes and frowned again. 

‘’What’s going on?’’ He asked, sitting on the small coffee table in front of Elsa’s position in the couch. ‘’You missed the meeting today, Anna was furious’’ 

Elsa sighed, regret shadowing her bright blue eyes. ‘’I’m sorry’’ She muttered, her voice strained and raspy. 

‘’Are you okay? Do we need to call someone? Take you somewhere?’’  Agnarr asked, the worry increasing in his tone. Elsa shook her head. ‘’Please Elsa’’ But Elsa turned her back to him, cuddling closer to her mother and facing the back of the couch. She heard Agnarr sigh softly, his hands reaching out to touch her shoulder. ‘’Hot tea with lemon and honey?’’ 

Elsa nodded softly, never turning around. She heard  Agnarr getting up and leaving, the silence settling in the room. ‘’Elsie?’’  Iduna’s voice filled the silence, irrupting the quietness that the blonde desperately craved. ‘’Does Hans’ know about the baby?’’ She shook her head, a few tears falling down cheeks onto her mother’s lap. ‘’Is it okay if we tell papa?’’ Elsa nodded, a little unsure. 

Once  Agnarr was back holding a tray with mugs filled with warm tea,  Iduna smiled, sharing the news with him. A bright smile spread on his face. He leaned over to kiss her daughter’s forehead, now that she had turned around to face him. She smiled too, their reaction mirroring her affections.  Of  course telling them made her happy, especially knowing how excited they were.

‘’I can’t believe it!’’ The man exclaimed after a few minutes of silence, the smile never leaving his face. Elsa had sat up and was sitting cross-legged on the couch. She was wearing a loose sweater but she forced herself to put her cup away and raise the clothing item, showing the small bump covered in a thin layer of fabric. ‘’Can I?’’ He asked and Elsa nodded. His warm hands caressing her belly in the most tender and soft possible way. He was careful, always had been but he made sure to be extra. 

‘’Peanut’’ Elsa spoke while looking down at her bump. She smiled unconsciously, the mere thought of her little one brought happiness to her life, her chest expanding with that brand-new excitement and warmth only her tiny baby could provide. 

‘’Peanut?’’  Iduna asked confused. 

‘’That’s what I call her’’ Elsa replied with a shrug, missing the soft gasps that left her parents’ mouth. 

‘’It’s a girl?’’  Agnarr asked first, looking away from her wife and locking eyes with her daughter, who looked confused. She had failed to acknowledge how important it would be the news of a baby girl in their parent’s life, the arrival of this blessing in the form of a girl and the tears both had in their eyes. 

Elsa nodded, smiling softly. ‘’It’s a girl, papa. And we can call her peanut’’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HANS WHO?  
> As I said, I still have 3 chapters to post before the 19th and they're not ready. WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS???!!?!?!? Nah, they'll be ready, let's not panic. Kate don't panic please.   
> So yeah, Hans sucks we know. But I kinda needed some Arendelle family fluff you know? Don't get me wrong, I still pretty much hate Agnarr and Iduna in the movies, the damage they did to my poor baby Elsa (and Anna, ofc) and the stupid decisions like dude ??? it's like asking me about grand pabbie... that bitch's the worseee it can't say anything straight with all those riddles and mixed words that killed Agnarr's only brain cell.   
> ANYWAY... I wanted to write them as loving parents, because they deserved loving parents you know. And I can write what I want lmao   
> The good things is we'll be getting more elsamaren and more family fluff, which is exactly what we deserve right. 
> 
> Yep, that's all for today.   
> I'll see you in a few days. Have a nice weekend, stay safe!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow, no real notes at the beginning.  
> That's new. 
> 
> Just enjoy.

She woke up the next morning to nothing but quietness. Aside for a few birds chirping outside and the sound of the wind brushing against the leaves. Rays of sun peeked through the open blinds of her childhood bedroom and she looked around, the calmness it emanated along with the memories was exhilarating. She felt safe, secured and warm. 

There was a soft knock on the door before it opened slowly. ‘’You’re awake’’ Her mother’s voice filled the room. Her hair was down in a loose braid, her attire simple but comfortable. She looked at her eldest with soft eyes, the caring gaze of a loving mother. ‘’How did you two sleep?’’ 

Elsa smiled, stretching her arms and scooching to the side, patting the bed as an invitation for her mother to sat next to her. Once she was seated, the blonde leaned over her lap. ‘’Good’’ 

‘’Are you hungry?’’ She asked and the blonde nodded. ‘’What would you like to eat?’’

Her mouth went to the side, trying to choose between all the cravings she had. ‘’Banana pancakes’’ 

‘’Let me guess, with peanut butter?’’  Iduna asked, moving her head so she could see her daughter’s expression. Elsa smiled, nodding sheepishly. ‘’Is that why you call her like that?’’ 

‘’That’s what she  gets for having me eating it at 2am’’ 

They had breakfast together, avoiding the conversation to go any  deeper than it should and Elsa was grateful for that.  Agnarr had given her the day off, with all the authority being a part of the board granted him which allowed her to spend the day in bed, cuddle with her mom and just not force herself to the reality she would inevitably have to face. 

Spending the night there hadn’t been her idea nor a suggestion from her parents, more like an order she just followed. After all, she had missed spending time with them alone. They held her, took care of her and pampered her with cuddles and lullabies just like when she was little. And it worked  miraculously . 

‘’How far long are you?’’ Her mom asked her from her position in her bed.  Iduna had asked Elsa for help making her bed but ended up cuddling there, missing the old times. 

‘’21 weeks’’ 

‘’Why didn’t you tell us?’’ The inquiry wasn’t accusatory nor filled with pain, more like out of genuine curiosity. 

Elsa sighed, turning to face her mom. ‘’I guess I wasn’t ready’’ The baby kicked hard, enough for Elsa to gasp at the unexpected movement, something that had never happened before. She sat up, touching her belly on the right side as another softer movement was felt. ‘’Put your hand here’’ 

Iduna did what she was asked, the expectation growing in both women, until peanut kicked again. ‘’Oh God’’ A hand went to cover her mouth as Elsa giggled with happiness. 

‘’She had never done that!’’ The blonde cheered, caressing her bump, feeling the movement subside. 

Iduna chuckled. ‘’It’ll only get worse, honey’’ And Elsa’s smile dropped, which only encouraged the older woman to laugh louder. ‘’She’s going to grow! the kicks will go straight to your ribs’’

They fell into a calm conversation, the pace never rushed.  Iduna told her everything she could about her experiences as a mother, the birth and cares a baby needed. Her fears and all the milestones of little Elsie. The conversation flowed so naturally it wasn’t a surprised when Agnarr arrived home for lunch and they were still talking. 

‘’What did I miss?’’  Agnarr asked, the second he stepped into the room. ‘’I missed something, right? You look like I did’’ 

Iduna smiled, dragging him down for a kiss. ‘’Only peanut’s kicking’’ 

‘’Really?’’ The man pouted, sitting defeated on the other side of the bed. ‘’Peanut, move for  grandpa, will you?’’ But there was no answer, other than a  suppressed laugh that couldn’t be suppressed anymore. Elsa laughed. 

‘’Honey’’  Iduna shook her head while grinning widely.  Agnarr sat up, glancing at her. 

‘’I am the carrier of information apparently. Anna says that she’s coming for dinner. She begs you to get a charger’’ Elsa nodded, smiling. ‘’There’s a lot of work but nothing out of the ordinary. I thought maybe you could take tomorrow off too and work from home, how does that sound?’’ 

Elsa nodded again. ‘’Yeah, I guess’’ 

‘’Great, because I already told  Honeymaren to pass by the house this evening and drop your laptop with a few paperwork that need your signature’’ The blonde nodded again, trying to hide the confusion inside and the obvious excitement she felt to see Maren again. ‘’And I went to your apartment and grabbed some of your stuff. I asked Anna to come with me and forced her not to ask any questions which she abided. I fear she might be saving them up for tonight, I must warn you’’ 

‘’Thank  you, papa ’’ She leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheek. ‘’You’re the best papa I have’’ 

Agnarr frowned. ‘’I’m your only papa’’ Elsa shrugged, smiling. ‘’So, you don’t have to elaborate if you don’t feel like but I have to ask. Did something  happen with Hans?’’ 

The question felt like a punch in the gut, the rooted truth hidden underneath the layers built above. A subject she had pushed deep and far away but that always, unceasingly kept swimming back to the surface, to whatever reality she kept building. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, though. Let alone her parent’s, whose  curiosity and genuine concern overthrew every coping mechanism. 

The silence lingered as her eyes refused to meet anything else but her own lap. The comforting action of avoiding and isolating herself in her own mind always worked to shield her against anything that may feel painful or dangerous. Something she used to do when she was little, too shy and terrified of facing other people, or standing in front of a big crowd. Or been lectured about something that she did wrong. 

But this time there was nothing pressuring her or endangering her other than her own thoughts and scaring  experiences, ones that have caused a great amount of damage. ‘’He cheated on me’’ She replied with a shaky voice, feeling smaller than the baby she was carrying. So small she wished for a  second, she could  disappear . 

‘’What?!’’ Was the answer she got, from the enraged man that was standing in front of her. She looked up to meet his shocked eyes filled with anger. ‘’He did what?!’’ 

‘’ Agnarr ’’  Iduna warned him, reaching to her daughter and wrapping her arms around her. ‘’Are you okay?’’ 

But she didn’t feel okay. It wasn’t just the cheating aspect that got her feeling awful but everything else. Hans had been so terrible to her and the fact that he was someone different to another person, that was the thing that made her feel the worse. That whatever she needed from him and wasn’t getting, that some other woman was. That while she was getting the awful and horrifying aspects of an abusive relationship, that woman was getting everything else. ‘’Yeah’’ 

Even if she was a very good liar, that one felt so unconvincing, not even she believed it. Her mother planted a kiss on her temple. ‘’Want to tell us what happened?’’ 

Elsa sighed. ‘’I wanted to tell him about peanut and I was going to but I came home and saw some things on his laptop that got me worried. I found out about it and went to face him. She was there with him’’ 

‘’You caught them together?’’  Agnarr asked in disbelief, everything felt too surreal to be true. But it was. It was painfully true, as she recalled. 

The blonde nodded. ‘’We argued and I left. I didn’t know where else to go, so I came here’’ 

Her mother leaned over to wrap her arms around her again. ‘’You can always come here, always’’ 

And while she knew sharing that was only the tip of a big iceberg, she felt better at not having to pretend that everything was okay. She was allowed to feel bad and not be judged by it, even if the reasons behind weren’t the same as everyone thought. 

Luckily, her parents left the subject, though she knew her father was enraged at the man. She feared he’d do something but a squeeze in her shoulder from her mother worked as a reassurance that she’d talk to him and make him come to his senses. 

The evening passed quickly and without much happening, she found herself looking out the window as the figure of the brunette came into view. Elsa heard a car parking and knew instantly it was her. Who else if not the woman she wanted to see? She waited in the calmness of her room, her heart beating hard in her chest at the expectation of the reunion. And when the door opened, she had to force herself not to jump into the arms of the brunette and kiss her relentlessly until succumbing to her wildest desires. 

‘’Hey’’ She awkwardly greeted, while stepping into the unfamiliar room. Elsa was sitting in the bed, a book opened but discarded closer. Maren looked around, soaking in every inch of young Elsa. She had never been there. Back when they were dating, she had heard countless stories about the place the blonde used to call her room, the place that held her dreams and hopes, that served as a protection against everything. It was her favorite place on earth and always hated the fact that she was never allowed to share it with her. 

‘’Hey’’ Elsa replied, smiling softly. ‘’You can sit anywhere. There’s a variety of … well, there’s a chair and the bed’’ 

Maren chuckled, stepping closer and sitting next to her. ‘’I brought your stuff’’ She raised her arm at the backpack that felt heavier. A sigh threatened to rip from her insides. ‘’So, this is the famous bedroom of Elsa Arendelle’’ 

‘’It is’’ Their eyes met, connected by something other than desire. She missed her presence, her company. She always had. A part of her continued to long for something that hadn’t belong to her for so long. The stupidity of the human race. 

‘’How’s peanut?’’ Maren’s gaze moved down to her navel. She leaned over, putting a warm hand over her bump. ‘’Hey little troublemaker’’ 

The blonde smiled. ‘’She’s great. We had peanut butter today so she’s been pretty active’’ Their eyes met again and this time, Elsa leaned forward, catching the brunette’s lips with hers. The kiss was soft and tender, the taste of coffee and mint. She was desperate to kiss every inch of her, to drink her in, to touch her and brand her in places only she could see. 

But she stopped herself before it was too late. The brunette rested her forehead against the blonde’s, her eyes closed. ‘’What happened yesterday?’’ 

‘’Nothing’’ She whispered back, not wanting to bother her with the complexity of her life. 

‘’Did he hurt you?’’ 

And the inquiry felt like a low blow. A painful snap back to reality.  Of course the first thing she’d ask about would be that. How could she now if she had seen the evidence, all the bruises and marks of abuse. ‘’He didn’t. We had a fight, that’s all’’ 

‘’A fight?’’ She kept pushing. This time, she moved away, looking at the blonde with furrowed brows. ‘’An argument?’’

‘’He was cheating on me, Maren. He had a life outside of our marriage for so long, I was...’’ She was unable to find the exact words to describe her feelings. ‘’We had an argument. He knew about us all the time, about me spending time at your place  and everything we did’’ 

She tried to explain everything the best  she could. How sick and disgusted she had felt when he showed her the allegedly  leverage he had on her. How guilty she felt for dragging her into the mess that being with her was, something that had led to more pain than anyone could’ve foreseen. And the shocked look on Maren’s face didn’t make her feel any better.  ‘’What?’’ The brunette asked in disbelief, her voice filled with consternation.

‘’He showed me pictures of us. Apparently had someone follow us. Well, not us but me’’ Elsa tried to elaborate, excused  Hans behavior but the more she dug into her brain for answers, the more stupid she felt. Of course she would never find anything to excuse such behavior, the lack of trust and the abuse.

‘’Did you tell that to your parents? Did you tell that to anyone?’’ The blonde shook her head, her gaze landing on a spot on the sweatpants she was wearing. ‘’Are you sure he didn’t hurt you?’’ And the question was filled with more concern than ever. 

Yes, he had hurt her in more ways she could wrap her head around. ‘’He tried but I didn’t let him’’ 

‘’Does he know about peanut?’’ Though she knew everything Maren asked wasn’t out of malice but genuine concern for the blonde, she couldn’t help but feel worse about the whole interrogatory. Digging up old wounds was always something she never felt comfortable doing, especially in front of her. Not because she was ashamed, well she was ashamed but not only because of that, but also because she was trying really hard to avoid thinking about it. 

The silent answer served as a confirmation for the brunette, the quiet of the room suffocating the two. But the question that followed, was the one the left her more upset. ‘’What do you want to do?’’ 

What did she want to do? What else there was to do? She had already left the apartment, implied she wanted to leave him and she was there, away but the next step felt unknown. What did she want? To leave Hans for good and start something with Maren? Wait for this storm to pass and then return to her life as if nothing? She felt trapped, that she knew. But was she going to do something about that? 

She sighed loudly, the revelations overwhelming her. ‘’I told him I wanted him to leave the apartment but I ended up leaving. What a joke’’ 

A gentle pat on her shoulder forced her to look up from her lap. She met the warmth eyes of the brunette. ‘’Hey, you did what you needed to do’’ 

‘’I also told him I wanted the divorce’’ She added in a quiet and small voice. 

‘’Do you?’’ The brunette asked, her voice filled with something, hope maybe. But all the blonde did was shrug in confusion.

‘’I don’t know. Should I?’’ Her voice was soft and distant, the image of a child asking for permission. She was terrified of making a decision, a big  decision and being the wrong one. She had done that before and the  consequences had been devastating. 

Maren smiled at her. ‘’I can’t force you to do anything Elsa, but I think you should apply for a divorce given the circumstances’’ 

Silence settled once again between the two. An increasing loss of control and crushing reality she was being forced to face. Not by anyone but by fate. It was always meant to be this way. ‘’I don’t know if I’m strong enough to go through that. I’m just... too scared’’ 

But in the midst of all the uncertainty and fear, of the daunting future that approached at a fast speed, was a light in the shape of a woman. With warm caramel eyes and a genuine smile. ‘’You won’t be alone, I’ll be there’’ 

‘’Promise?’’ 

_ ‘’Promise’’  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kate, be honest... was that a filler chapter? lmao yes hahaha I wrote it a long time ago and it was half written and I couldn't find it in myself to delete it. So I had to add more stuff haha but it leads to other stuff which is somehow helpful.  
> So, back to schedule.  
> I'm posting chapter 15 tomorrow monday 15 (ooooh 15 on 15 hahah lame) and chapter 16 on wednesday, so we can build the suspense for friday haha I'm the worse I know. But on the bright side, this week will go by so fast you won't even notice lol  
> So yep,  
> That's all for today. 
> 
> Have a great week  
> and stay safe!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions of Sexual Assault. 
> 
> Enjoy.

She had blocked every external noise for the sake of calming her increased panic, that kept building inside of her. Trembling hands, fastening heartbeat, cold sweat, tight throat. Among other symptoms she was all too familiar with. 

One minute turned into 10 in complete silence, avoiding the expectant pair of eyes. There was too much of everything; feelings, thoughts, hopes. Especially the latter which filled her with new levels of anxiety for a future she couldn’t really control. How could she? When everything had gone to shit that fast. 

After confessing the true nature of her strained relationship with Hans, she was  suggested – which felt more like coerced yet not in a malicious way at all – to file in for divorce. Something she had wished, wanted but dreaded since the very beginning. Out of fear? Probably. Of course, she didn't want anything linking them back together. But she was carrying a baby, their child, one that could easily be taken away from her. 

Monopolize her by him and his entire family. 

A big, overwhelming fear that crept into her brain every single night and wouldn’t leave despite all the reassurances.

Hans had refused to sign the petition, putting his own lawyers in contact with hers. Which led directly to the moment that was developing. 

She had given an overall insight about her reasonings behind the divorce filing. He had cheated on her, had a life outside of the marriage. But she had chosen to leave out every aspect of their abusive relationship, primarily for the sake of her own mind and the little dignity she had left. But as the waiting happened, the discussion between the party of lawyers on both sides of the soon-to-end marriage, she encountered another dilemma. Hans was being a stalker.

It had begun with mails. Escalated quickly to texting and phone calls, until that same morning when she spotted him outside her parents' house. Smirking at her, in the same old creepy way she remembered from those nights. Nightmares and terrors coming back. So, she had filed a restraining order backed up with security tapes and phone evidence. But she needed to do more, find more ways to protect herself and her family from the sociopath Hans had turned out to be. 

Her blue eyes looked up meet the concern eyes of her parents and Kai Chamberlain, their most loyal lawyer. Fearless and ruthless, a champion and respected in the field. No one dared to cross the man, he never  lost a case. But in order to guarantee such, honesty needed to be provided. And the blonde was having trouble doing so, her cheeks burning in embarrassment at the thought of what needed to be done, of what her parents were about to find out. 

Luckily, she wasn’t alone. Honeymaren was sitting next to her, offering the comfort the sought so desperately. 

“I don’t remember when things started changing or how…” she gulped down as the unpleasant memories flooded her mind. The gentle squeeze of the brunette encouraged her to continue. “At first he wouldn’t be harsh with his need. He would reach out to me and make me feel something, anything, despite my refusal. My mistake was giving in, allow him to manipulate me like that. But then things changed, one night he...’’ The lump in her throat acted as a barrier, forbidding her from speaking. The images burning bright in her mind, the touches, the pain, everything coming back. 

‘’It’s okay, take your time’’ she looked up to meet the warm eyes of Kai’s advisor, Gerda. Who happened to be not only his wife but also a very renowned psychologist, working in tough cases and acting as a comforting presence, when the intensity of the topics felt too much for their clients. The package they offered came with it. Deluxe. 

She took a shaky breath. ‘’We were both under the influence. He had picked me up from my sister’s house and we were home. Something happened while we were at it, something I said. It triggered something in him, and it resulted in a non- consensual intercourse’’ 

While she refused to label it as such, marital rape/abuse, she knew it was. ‘’Did it  happen while sober? Or only inebriated?’’ Gerda asked, her tone non- accusatory . Quite the opposite, it provided comfort,  reassurance . No judgement whatsoever. 

‘’Both. Sober and drunk’’ 

The old woman leaned over, meeting her blue eyes. ‘’I know it’s hard and you can speak up if you need and want to stop. But could you tell us the first time it happened sober?’’ 

She nodded softly. ‘’We went to have dinner. Came home and everything was fine, it developed in a natural way. We went that day to a therapist and I thought things were going great, better’’ She scoffed sadly. ‘’It was the first time after... you know. And he did something that didn’t feel right and I asked him to stop. But he refused, he said that if I wanted to fix our  marriage, I should allow that. He forced himself into me’’ 

While sharing the facts, making public knowledge  everything she had been hiding the past months, she had refused to meet her parents gaze. Out of shame, mostly. But something inside of her snapped, and she looked up to meet them. 

Indecipherable was an understatement.  Agnarr eyes burned with a mix of emotions, his cheeks a deep red. Not from embarrassment, that she knew. But there was something else, anger, sadness, disgust? She couldn’t tell. And her mother, with her eyes filled with unshed tears, looked heartbroken. 

‘’Could you tell us how many times happened?’’ 

Her sight returned to the woman. ‘’I don’t know. Too many, I guess’’ 

But she could recall each time, the crying to sleep, the pain cursing through her body. But counting each was even worse than acknowledging the damage it caused. All in the past but still pretty present. The more she tried to get rid of any trace of him, the harder it came back. 

The sunlight casting a shadow on every present person caught her attention, enough to take her mind away from whatever was happening in the allegedly meeting.  Of course  she wanted to pay attention and she was aware of the  importance of every single detail being spoken, but it felt too much. Opening her heart, digging up buried feelings, actions, events felt too much. And she was exhausted, her body aching for something comforting. 

Without much thought, the reunion came to an end, Kai and Gerda excusing  themselves with a pitiful look.  Agnarr offering to accompany them outside. And she was finally able to breathe. Heavy, freeing and pained. Releasing anything she could in one single exhale, in the agony that the silence provided. Avoiding any eye contact. 

‘’Excuse me’’ She got up with shaky legs, letting go of the brunette’s hand and making her way to the second floor, where the room she used to call hers was. In all its calmness and peacefulness, the evening sun reflecting in the walls, glowing and granting a hospitality she was all too familiar with. An exhaustion burning her body from the inside, claiming her and forcing her to dive into the softness of the bed, wrapping herself under the covers. 

But she was terrified beyond reasoning that not even a crazy number of blankets could protect her from. She feared for herself and the life she had forged. Though most importantly, she feared for her little girl and how this may affect her in a future. Raising a child in a broken home had never been her intention but the longer she allowed herself to think of that, the bigger her panic grew. Them taking her away would be heartbreaking, a low point she knew would never recover from.

Her spiraling thoughts became louder and louder, to the point she lost the grip on reality. Couldn’t  discern what was real or not, which thoughts made sense from the ones who didn’t. But in the midst of all the baffling and discouraging events, a warm hand lit up the path. 

A body pressed to her. 

Soft kisses. 

_ Maren.  _

‘’I’m here if you need me’’ She whispered closer to her ear. Her head had come to rest in the crook of her neck, wrapped her arms around Elsa as a protective figure. She provided all the things the blonde lacked. Shelter, safeness, affection, care. All she desperately sought in a partner, she provided with no conditions. 

The evening turned into a starry night and her company had to leave, the promise of a tomorrow still lingering in the air. She’d wait an eternity. 

But along with the crescent moon, questions had raised, insecurities, guilty. All she needed to recognize; she wasn’t the only person suffering in the household and she was given the time to deal with her own share of feelings, but couldn’t allow the self-pity to take over without acknowledging the suffering of her parents. 

Stepping quietly into the living room of the house was something she had mastered in her early childhood. Anna was always the loud one, following her around everywhere. Sneaking around was always the best choice and she was a pro at doing so. 

When entering the  room, she was greeted with a heartbreaking sight. Her parents were curled up in the couch, amidst the deafening silence. But together, like she always remembered. Their hands intertwined, his head resting on her chest, as her hand stroke his forehead. A gesture of love her mother made sure to share. Her hands had always been warm, strong and healing. The gesture along could turn a bad day into a good one. Take away nightmares and pain. 

She  cradled her bump affectionately as tears  wheeled up in her eyes. She deeply hoped for Peanut to know that level of connection, intimacy, love. ‘’Mom? Dad?’’ Her voice cracked as she wiped the tears from her eyes. 

Both turned around immediately, between scared and surprised.  Agnarr got up first, moving to embrace her daughter in the biggest hug he could. And shortly after,  Iduna joined them. It was soul-mending, magic working through her body, fixing as much as it could. For love was always the answer, that she knew. No words were spoken, even after they parted from the hug and led her to the couch, where they snuggled together like the old times. She did feel safe in the arms of her parents and couldn’t recall a moment where she didn’t. Even after everything, her independent nature and runaway theatricals, they were always there to catch her. 

‘’How are you feeling?’’ He spoke first, breaking the intense silence. The blonde, who was leaning over her mother’s chest sighed. 

‘’Better than before, I guess’’ The reply, though vast was enough. ‘’I’m sorry’’ 

Her mother’s hand came to rest on her forehead. ‘’For what?’’ 

‘’Everything you had to hear’’ Which was true. She was genuinely sorry they were dragged into the mess that her life had become, when all she had done the past months was to push everyone away from it. But she was grateful, nonetheless, that she wasn’t allowed to feel lonely anymore. 

‘’Well, I’m not. For once, I think we should be the ones apologizing for not being there for you’’ Her mother’s tone, though soft and gentle, was  concise and sharp. ‘’You’re not alone anymore, both of you’’ 

Though the fear never left, it felt numb underneath the layers of love they provided. The reassurance, the company, the affection and love, not only filled her with warmth but gave her  strength to face the tedious situation. 

Agnarr’s soft hand rested upon her eldest pregnant belly, the comfort the growing life granted was everything. He was a quiet man, often reserved and shy. And Elsa was a mirror of his father’s personality. Hard-driven, hard-worker, independent, prone to self-criticism and perfectionism. Both shy and stubborn. But sensitive and kindhearted. For that same reason, it wasn’t hard to find interests in common. They would often be found reading together or discussing a diversity of topics; playing chess or any board game that would require any level of concentration Anna refused to have. Still, the most passionate interest they shared was skiing. An odd hobby that made them incredibly happy. 

It was for that same reason that  Iduna tried the hardest to forge connections with her daughter that went beyond the physical and more about emotions and thoughts. The only thing they shared in common was the love for playing the piano, which Elsa quickly changed for math and geometry. But being present, open and non- judgmental towards her eldest – though it came  naturally – she made sure to be known. That was exactly what she was providing in that moment. 

The snuggles continued until dinner was served. Though Elsa’s appetite was reduced, she knew she needed to eat for Peanut’s sake. A whole meal after, everyone parted ways, her parents went to the office as she made her way to the kitchen to prepare some warm tea for the night. 

With the hot beverage in hand, she headed back to meet her parents. The office was a medium-size space her father  always used; there he hid all work-related contents. It was a fairly familiar room, though she avoided it at all costs. 

‘’I was thinking... could Maren stay the night?’’ She asked while leaning on the doorframe. Taking off the band-aid at once, with no countdown and no hesitations she thought was the best idea. Her parents looked up from the desk, meeting her gaze with surprise. 

‘’I thought you were going to sneak her in’’ Agnarr replied with a cheeky grin. 

‘’I’m not 16, I don’t sneak people in anymore’’ His grin fell immediately as she left, laughing. 

A short text was sent and the waiting begun. In the emptiness of her bedroom, near the back of the shelf was the first book she had bought, all covered in dust. She cleaned it and went through every page, smiling at the comment marks on the edges. A habit she hadn’t gotten rid of. And she read it, submerged into the pages and the story like the first time, time passing by without her knowledge. 

A soft knock forced her to look away from the book, as she laid flat on her back with her legs up in the wall. Maren entered carrying a small bag and looked around, until her eyes landed on the blonde. Her eyebrows perched together in confusion. ‘’Old habits die hard?’’ 

‘’Did my parents see you?’’ The blonde asked while sitting up right, her legs  swinging out of the tall bed. 

The brunette rolled her eyes, a blush setting on her cheeks. ‘’Who do you think let me in? Your father told me to behave and  keep it in my pants. He doesn’t want you getting pregnant’’ 

They laughed, the freeing kind of laugh. The one that makes your stomach and cheeks hurt. She jumped into the brunette’s arms once she sat on the bed, the coziness of her persona calling out for her. In reality, she had missed her. More than 10 years of missing and longing. 

In less than expected, they switched their outfits for pjs and got ready for bed, night routine and all. Under the covers of the surprisingly fitting bed, the blonde’s head resting on under her chin, the smell of home calming her senses, relaxing every inch of her body. Sublime. Their legs tangled up and arms resting in the other. In between, peanut. 

Everything felt perfect, like she always pictured it. She could close her eyes and go back over a decade, to confirm young Elsa used to dream of that. A family with the woman she loved, though despite the unconventional ways and lack of support they had, she knew love would reign. 

It was all the hope she needed, the bright image of a happy ending as she closed her eyes and allowed the realm of dreams to welcome her. 

But her placid dreams were interrupted by a vibration under her pillow. She looked up to meet the sight of a deep in sleep Maren, her breathing evened out as she clutched tightly onto Elsa’s shirt. The blonde did the best not to perturb her as she moved to pull her phone away, the lighting shining bright against the darkness of the night. 

3:17am

_ ‘I know about the restraining order but I’m asking you for a chance to explain myself. There are things you have to know. Allow me a chance to introduce them to you. Meet me at the coffee shop tomorrow at 12. The one where we met. _

_ -Hans’  _

She sighed. 

_ Can’t a girl catch a break? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kate, what are you doing?!  
> You'll see, you'll see. 
> 
> I don't have much to say. That's a first lmao  
> Anyway, see ya on wednesday!!
> 
> Have a good day!!


	16. Chapter 16

She was an expert at ignoring red flags. So, why should the occasion be any different? After receiving the text, she found it hard to fall asleep back again. Multiple questions kept arising in her brain, crazy scenarios about the roots of the proposal but he wouldn’t be asking her to meet in a public place if he was trying anything, right? 

She spent the entire night debating whether or not to show up, glancing every once in a while at the figure sleeping next to her. The peacefulness in which she did was enviable, her chest rising up and down in a steady motion, providing that constant and stability she craved deeply. So, why was she overworking herself and making every possible thing to ruin the goodness that she was receiving? Was she so desperate to prove Hans or anyone that she was independent and could deal with whatever problem alone? Or was she just determined to seek the answers to the many questions she had? 

There was a nagging feeling that kept lurking in the back of her mind. Aching, intense and tiring; a sense of instability. Was it fair to feel like whatever she and Maren were trying to build, the unlabeled relationship, the unnamed connection, was built on top of a feeble base? That could fall, crumble at any moment? Was it built on lies and hidden truths? Was that same apprehension that drove her to agree to meet with Hans? 

Morning rose as her thoughts and questions kept being unanswered. The knot tightening in her stomach. The body pressed to hers  stirred , planting soft kisses on her shoulders. 

‘’G’morning’’ The sweetness of her voice resonated in the quiet room. ‘’Did you even sleep?’’ She asked while moving to rest on her chest, her warm hand stroking her belly underneath her shirt. 

‘’Yeah’’ she lied. The softness of her touches was exhilarating. The blonde leaned over to capture the woman’s lips in a tender kiss, that quickly turned needy and desperate as her hormones took over her body. Frantically she tasted every inch of her mouth, moving to kiss the corners of her lips, jaw and earlobe, leaving a trail of wetness on her favorite spots. 

‘’Elsa’’ The brunette whispered her name in between the panting and gasping, a cry to the heavens above. A melody to whoever spared a second to listen, the way her name rolled with such an ease of her tongue, she same tongue she had felt long ago in her insides, loving, caring, pushing to the edge of the most exquisite feeling. ‘’Els’’ Her blue eyes looked up to meet hers, darkened now with lust and want. ‘’You father told me to keep it in my pants’’ 

She smiled. ‘’He didn’t say anything to me’’ 

The brunette’s hands pushed her closer, their mouth clashing into the same desperate kiss, now shorter and followed by small pecks. ‘’I know, but I don’t feel comfortable knowing they’re here’’ 

She remembered vividly the first months of dating, when they  could be found anywhere making out. Shamelessly, with no shyness  whatsoever . The freedom of youth and acceptance of feelings, the want and desire, lust and hunger. But with growing up came  responsibilities and caught in the act wasn’t  something neither looked forward to.

Maren rose from the bed, grabbing her clothes and entering the adjacent bathroom; what used to be the connection between hers and Anna’s room. Sometimes fun, mostly a great pain in the ass. Especially at night when Anna couldn’t sleep. 

Their routine went fairly the same as every morning. Maren got ready for work as Elsa - in all her self-proclaimed capability as  _ the _ boss – watched. She was still on leave, granted by her father, which came with its perks. Such as watching Maren. They had a quick breakfast as she watched her go, the scent of her present ghosting over the sheets. 

But the absence of Maren didn’t just  deepen the longing, but the desperation for the answers she was told could find. For all she knew it could be a trap, the perfect set up for whatever evil plan the twisted mind of Hans had come up with. Still, she couldn’t deny how tempting the bait was. 

She took a shower, allowing the water to wash away any doubt and second-guessing. Though it wasn’t as effective, it helped to prepare her for the meeting. She got changed into comfortable autumn clothes, the ones she loved that much. Oversized sweaters and leggings. And drove away, giving a short and concise explanation to her mother of her whereabouts. A blunt lie. 

Driving relaxed her, in a very weird way. It helped her clear her mind or maybe push everything else aside and focus on only one thing. That’s all she could afford between the road and the other  distractions such as cars and pedestrians. 

And then parked a block down the coffee shop she used to be so familiar with but hadn’t visit in years. 

She still remembered that hectic morning she met Hans. It was sunny, the morning of a colorful spring, as the flowers adorned every tree in sight and the birds chirped excitedly. She was in a rush, late for a meeting she didn’t want to attend, which wasn’t unusual. While in line she had tapped her foot impatiently, as the person in front took forever to order. But when she finally had ordered and was waiting for her drink, she crashed into him, his drink spilling into the white shirt he was wearing. The round of apologies wasn’t enough, he laughed it off and engaged in a conversation that she fell easily into. Fallen right into the trap. 

But now, the place felt cold, lacking the usual warmth it used to provide. It was crowded, like every day. The coffee was wonderful, to die for but quite expensive. Exactly what she could afford. She cradled her belly, protecting peanut in the only way she could. 

Inside, she spotted the redhead, sitting at the end near the small terrace they had. He looked calm, composed and somewhat like the man she used to know. But she knew how looks could be deceiving. She entered, ordering a tea as she mentioned the barista where she’d be.

Anxiety crawled over every inch of her body, a fear and terror. Of him? Not really. She was genuinely scared of what the meeting could be about, what it could lead to. She hadn’t officially told him about peanut, he had known all that from his lawyers, which had felt okay but now not really. She wasn’t sure about anything.

‘’Hey’’ She greeted  him; her hands hidden inside her sweater’s sleeves. He flinched, startled by the interruption of what it looked like deep thinking. His emerald eyes met hers, a genuine smile in his face. He got up, standing in front of her. 

‘’Hey. I thought you weren’t coming’’ His voice was the same, husky with that hint of  mystery she used to love. Now she knew hid so much. ‘’Take a seat, please’’ 

She looked at him as she sat down. He looked rested, cleaned and relaxed, his eyes showing every emotion like an open book, the same freckles adorning his cheeks and nose. The sideburns he used to have were turning into a beard, well-trimmed. ‘’What’s this about, Hans?’’ She asked immediately. There was a sense of normalcy in what they were doing, like the first few years of dating. The place had become their place, for casual hangouts and dates between work and family matters. 

‘’Jumping right into the topic’’ He commented with a smile so casual it felt foreign. Everything felt off about him, especially knowing how far this behavior was from the last time she actually saw him. The infuriating look, maniac laughing, the creepiness. 

‘’Well, there’s a restraining order.  Whose fault is that?’’ He raised his arms surrendering, at the snarky reply. She heard her name being called from the front and raised a hand, getting up and moving to retrieve her order. She could feel his eyes on her, the burning gaze, all the way from there to the table they were sharing. 

‘’You’re showing already’’ He stated, his eyes on her belly. With furrowed eyebrows he looked up at her. ‘’Was our life that bad you couldn’t even tell me about our baby?’’ 

And it felt like a bucket of cold water was thrown at her. The  audacity the man had to ask such thing. It pained her but mostly enraged her that despite everything, all she had gone  through with him in their marriage and outside of it, all the statements and reopen of wounds, he was still unaware of the damage he had done. He was sick, something was wrong with him if he couldn’t see that. 

Despite that, she took a deep breath and calmed herself down. ‘’I want the answers you bragged about. You have one minute to catch my attention or I’ll go’’ 

She saw something snap inside of him, as his eyes turned a shade darker. It was a scary thing to witness and the trauma she carried only reinforced her need to run that second. The regret she felt for being there alone. Maybe it had been a bad idea, after all. 

‘’I thought we could talk about us. I want us to be back together, that’s why I haven’t signed the  divorce papers’’ He commented  offhandedly , with such an ease it made her  uncomfortable . He didn’t shift once in his seat, the monotony of his voice and tone was scary. 

Still, she couldn’t help but scoff at the stupidity. ‘’I don’t think you’re seeing this clearly, Hans. I’m done with us, with the pain and suffering I got from you and our relationship. I want better, I think I deserve better’’ 

‘’But I’ll be better! We can go back to therapy and work on us’’ He continued, desperation beginning to grow in his voice. ‘’What about our baby? Shouldn’t you think of it too?’’ 

She frowned confused. ‘’I am’’ 

‘’No, you’re not! You’re being selfish and  stubborn; our baby deserves a family’’ His tone grew louder, yet not concerning. His cheeks were flushed, redden with anger and desperation. And there she knew that nothing Hans ever did or promised, would make her go back to the hell that being with him was. 

She smiled sadly, feeling sorry for him. ‘’She has a family, Hans. She’s surrounded by so much  love; you wouldn’t even believe it. I didn’t want nothing more from you than that but you still took it for granted. This conversation is over’’ 

Drinking the last of her tea, she rose to her feet and made her way out of the coffee shop. It had been  unproductive; the conversation hadn’t provided nothing more than the confirmation of things she already knew. But it helped her realize what she wanted and deserved. 

‘’Elsa!’’ She heard him yell her name as she was about to reach her car. Startled, she turned around. He was making his way to her, running faster. ‘’Please...’’ 

‘’Stop it, Hans. I don’t want anything else from you. Our lawyers will provide us the bridge betwee-’’

‘’Do you think she’ll ever be that person for you?’’ He cut her off, with a bitter comment. The sweet Hans that she had met years ago and the one she caught a small glimpse of inside the coffee shop, was long gone and replaced by the always terrifying and thirst for power one. 

She frowned, confused. ‘’What?’’ 

‘’Do you think she’ll be the family you need? The one our baby deserves?’’ He continued to push, now moving closer to her. She gulped, feeling his breath closer and the memories tangible. ‘’Do you even know why she left you all those years ago?’’ When Elsa didn’t  reply he continued. ‘’Why she never mentioned anything to you?  Runeard asked her to leave you alone, for the reputation he had that you were ruining with your lesbian shenanigans. She offered her money, threatened her and she took it, Elsa. She took everything and left without saying goodbye, after all those years together’’ 

Her eyes filled with tears as his words cut holes into her heart. ‘’You’re lying’’ She whispered, denial taking over her senses. 

‘’I am not. Why do you think your grandfather hates her so much? Or your entire family never had your back? You two were a disgrace to everyone. She ruined you, broke you and then left you to deal with all that shit alone. And when I came, you were nothing. I turned you into what you’re now, you’re nothing without me. And even if you keep denying it, I am nothing compare to the monster she is’’ The way the poisonous words spilled out of his mouth, the way he spoke of her name and Maren’s. She couldn’t take it. There was too much of everything it was suffocating. She raised her hand and slapped him hard, his hand instantly covering his cheek in a soothing motion. 

She waited for something to happen, a strike back, anything but all she got was a sick laugh. ‘’We’re over’’ She stated. 

‘’You belong to me, remember that. When she eventually does leave you and trust  me she will, you’ll come back to me and beg me to fix you again. You can’t hide from me, Elsa. Money is the perfect mean of persuasion. Why do you think I married you in the first place? Money and status, all you could provide. Oh, and that body, the one I reclaim as mine-’’ But she stopped listening to him as she entered her car, closing the door and locking it for safety reasons. Tears were falling freely down her cheeks, clearly shaken up by the awful words Hans had said. 

She drove away, the image of him in the rear-view mirror sending chills down her spine. She heard the faint sound of her phone ringing and waited for a red light to grab it and check it. There were a few text messages from Maren telling her she had the evening off, that she’d be home in case they wanted to spend the night together again. A single tear fell onto the screen. She felt helpless, so helpless she had to park the car and sob her hear out.

Her phone rang again, this time with an incoming call. 

_ Maren _ . 

‘Hey’ Her voice filled every inch of the car, with warmth and care. Everything she had become the past few months. Everything Elsa missed. There were so many questions and doubts she felt herself going crazy. ‘How about we have dinner tonight?’ 

‘We need to talk’ She tried her hardest to sound normal but her throat refused to properly work, her voice coming out shaky, thick with emotions. 

‘Are you okay? Did something  happen ?’ 

‘You owe me a conversation, it’s time we have it’ And she hung up as she choked in her own pain.  _ All over again.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO COMMENTS.
> 
> see ya on friday heheheheheh


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ve reached the awaited chapter 17.  
> I apologize in advance.  
> For the first time I suggest you read this chapter while listening to the lovely Lewis Capaldi’s Before You Go. That song not only served as background music while writing but as inspiration. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.

The contemplation of what had been her life drove her to the most brutal conceptions. Every single and seemingly small detail, every decision, every step she took was tainted with this uncertainty and insecurity. Her childhood washed away, turned into a puppet show and a single spotlight for her. What else was there to give? 

Love was not supposed to hurt. Never. It might have taken a while to truly accept and grasp that ideal, that belief. But after everything, all the heartache, painful nights, tear-stained sheets, irrational thoughts, quitting and running away, she had finally come to the conclusion - that tasted more like closure than anything – that love, in all its forms and shapes shouldn’t hurt. 

The familiarity of the brick-wall building felt nothing like before; warmth, comfort, peacefulness. Quite the opposite, it emanated the raging and fury of storms on winter. Lightning bolts and thunder, pouring rain; a desperate cry of the skies. Every step felt heavier, the thundering in her chest resonated in her eardrums, the single and unique sign of life. 

The stairs mocked her with every advance she gave. A lovely and heartbreaking metaphor. The closer she was from reaching that door, the furthest she felt from her. A healthy detachment that turned into a torment when the only thing she wanted was nothing but her comfort. But there was truth, there were conversations on hold and facts to be shared with her, all she deserved to know. Even if something – in the deepest of her soul – told her it would likely kill her. He couldn’t win, couldn’t be the cause of their despair. She needed to know the truth. 

_407._

_A soft knock._

_A door opening._

_Warm caramel eyes filled with worry._

She entered the apartment with the authority only the adrenaline pumping inside her body granted her. The cacophony in her mind driving her to the edge; too much of everything. Memories, sounds, touches. _Her_. Too much of her it was somewhat intoxicating. But she couldn’t give in to them, not without the answers she so desperately sought, even if the answers were as scary as she had pictured them. 

‘’Elsa’’ Her voice, the epitome of everything she was. It was soft, low and reached out to every fiber of her being, caressing her, holding her with a firmness and tenacity unknown. 

Blue oceanic eyes met the calmness of autumn; warm colors and pumpkin patches. The serenity of chill mornings and warm coffees. Her eyes were adorned with long thick lashes, blinking in expectation. And she wished so deeply and so desperately, to freeze this moment and save it for an eternity. The vulnerability of the woman’s stand, the openness and peacefulness of the ocean in the morning, before the chaos of the night. But the longer she held to the imaginary ideal, the harder it would be for her to let go. And today was about letting go. 

‘’10 years ago, you left. I think I deserve to know the truth’’ A simple statement, the curiosity of a blinded heart, a bleeding and wounded soul seeking for a cure for the misery that kept accumulating. 

_A sigh, so loud it hurt._

The brunette nodded, a pained look across her face. ‘’I always thought you were the one, you know? Even when I was sharing my bed with someone else, trying to fill the emptiness your absence left, I always undoubtably knew that. And it didn’t take long for me to figure that out. It wasn’t just your incredible presence. _God, you’re breathtaking._ The more I spent with you, learnt from you, the more I wanted to stick to your side for an eternity. It was consuming, tiring, exhausting. I was losing myself in you’’ 

_She sighed again._

‘’And the only thought that kept coming to my mind was how desperately blind I was. How useless I had become and I was terrified of not being enough for you, to protect you, to love you, to be what you needed. I lost myself in my own insecurities for a while too. But then Runeard showed up. He offered me money, which I declined. He threatened my family – Ryder – but I fought back. I couldn’t give him the satisfaction of breaking us apart. But I was scared, of him and us. He finally threatened me with the only thing that I was terrified of jeopardizing: you’’ 

‘’Small things started to happen, things you never noticed. You started talking about leaving, applying for job offers outside of town and never got a call back. It was him, always him. His image, his power was forcing us into a corner and I couldn’t let that happen. So, I took the decision of giving you up, knowing it would break me. But watching you struggle, watching him push you away from your own family, I couldn’t watch. I packed my things, making sure you’d be away. And I left’’ 

The memory was still fresh. Something that was reachable if she stretched her hand or if she tried enough. It was an open wound, bleeding to its death. She still remembered that cloudy day after a failed interview and a miserable shift at the bookstore, how she yearned for the loving care of her beloved. The utter despair and astonishment at the nearly empty apartment; feelings spiraling out of control. Days and nights of anguish, alcohol abuse, drug abuse and the desperation to flee and run away. How everything ended up with her hiding under the covers of the bed they used to share. Vanilla scent still lingering in the white sheets. Frustration, dry tears. No eating, no sleeping. The kickoff of a fallout she couldn’t prevent, whose impact can still be seen. 

Salty tears fell down her flushed cheeks. The cold, she told herself. ‘’You didn’t stay to fight for me’’ It came in a whisper, the yell of her insides that had been held for too long but that came with little energy. ‘’Why didn’t you fight for me?’’ 

‘’I couldn’t! It would’ve been more painful, Elsa. Your grandfather would’ve done anything to see you unhappy-’’ 

‘’I was happy. With you by my side, I was the happiest I’ve ever been’’ She couldn’t keep up anymore. ‘’You should've given me a choice, I wanted one’’ 

But the more the brunette tried to explain the depths of her decision, the pain and heartache it caused her, the more she pulled away. In her sweetest dreams, she often saw them together, living the life both pictured. No luxuries, no privileges. Just them in their lovely cottage in the mountains, together. 

‘’Don’t you think I wanted to?! But I couldn’t ruin your life, I couldn’t watch you be miserable’’ Yet every argument was a big slap in her face. 

‘’I loved you, that should’ve been enough. Our love should’ve been enough for you. I wish you had known me better’’ 

‘’No, you don’t get to play that card. Everything I did, I did out of love. I was deeply in love with you, I still am, Elsa’’ The desperation in her voice - as the grip she held on her arms tightened - was palpable. It was more than that, a shift into a reality she refused to acknowledge. 

‘’Do you even know what happened afterwards?’’ The blonde asked, digging into the depths of her feelings, the closed doors of those experiences. The brunette’s silence forced her to continue. ‘’I was lost. You broke me. Sometimes I still feel like I’m not fully recovered. I tried to numb the pain and the guilt, with drugs and alcohol, fill the emptiness your body left with other people. I lost myself as I watched everyone take a little piece from me, from my broken soul’’ 

The silence felt overwhelming, settling in between the two. ‘’You can’t blame me for how you dealt with your pain’’ In a small and shy voice, the words left her mouth. And it hurt as a physical wound. 

But she smiled, sadly. ‘’You’re right. I can’t blame you for that time that guy in the bathroom of a pub took something from me, the same way Hans did. I certainly don’t blame you for that time I woke up in a hospital bed because I had overdosed. I don’t blame you for anything, really. But I wish things had been different’’ 

‘’Elsa-’’ 

‘’It’s okay, you know? I do however blame you for not listening to your heart and mine. For keeping this from me, for making me believe our story could be repaired and rebuilt with hidden truths. You should’ve given me a chance, Maren. I wish you had’’ 

With shaky legs she exited the apartment. A sense of overwhelming longing, for the life she had imagined, the love she had lost and every decision she had turned down for the greater good. She was frazzled beyond repair but something had snapped inside far from the mere reaction, an awareness, a recognition of what she needed to do. 

The sky cried but she didn’t. The waterfall refused to fall, driven motivation as the set goal for whatever future she needed to place. It wasn’t about her anymore and she knew it. A little girl deserved better than what she could provide in a place like that. 

A seething scream from above as a retort, the escape planned in her mind. It had been easy all along, since the very first moment. But the thought as quickly as it settled in her mind, vanished. Out of fear? Out of sadness? Was the thought of leaving everything behind too surreal to even be considered? 

The colonial house appeared in her field of vision and she allowed herself a moment to let everything sink in. A crucial decision, a life changing decision with everything that entailed. But she craved it, so deeply it hurt, it blinded her from everything else. And she hoped, truly, genuinely hoped they would come to the same understanding she did. It was all she had left. Her freedom, her willingness to make a decision for the sake of her own mind. They should be able to grant her that despite the heartache it could provide. At the end, they were still very good at pretending. 

She threw some clothes inside a big gym bag. Memories she tried to retain, physical attachments to the life she kept trying to get rid of. A fresh start, she kept telling herself. Reassurance that the decision was the correct. 

She drove to a car dealer and switched to a brand new one. Less exuberant, more somber. Drove to the bank and asked to withdraw a big sum of money. Enough for them to survive a few months. She’ll have to find a job eventually. She also asked for another account to be made and money to be transferred, all as secretly as possible. 

And she left. Drove away with a loaded trunk filled with grief and emotions, a letter left at her parent’s house, the emptiness the decision made her feel and the coldness in which she had made it. Forced herself to believe it was right. Because at the end, it really was. A new beginning, for both. 

Under the pink clouded sky, she drove away. _Leaving everything behind._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. 
> 
> LMAO I’M KIDDING. This can’t be the end. There’s a lot coming, better things. Like, this cannot go any worse, let’s be honest. And the mid-season finale (that’s what I’ve chosen to call this lmao) has a somewhat open end, which leaves us with a few possible paths to follow. And I’ve chosen already. Oh, and I love it. So, so much.  
> My next update will come somewhere next week, hopefully. You know I tend to set a date, have a schedule and then throw that shit out the window. That’s who I am, can’t really help it. Oops.  
> So yeah, wow. This is the most chill notes I’ve ever written. This is what adulthood must feel like lmao. 
> 
> Anyway. That’s it for today, folks.  
> See ya soon!! 
> 
> Have a great weekend and stay safe. I’ll have one birthday – and legal – mojito for you!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me
> 
> ...
> 
> ...  
> 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.

**3 months later.**

The cold weather hit her hard. A turmoil of feelings that didn’t seemed to settle nor they intended. Tall buildings, crowded streets, the pace of the people. Nothing she truly missed but somehow felt comforting. Anything would be comforting given her situation. 

But she was craving something else. Something she had given up not so long ago and that had somehow learned to live without. The longing quietening with time. Still, she made her way down the jammed sidewalk, her arms coming to rest around her midsection, careful not to crash into anyone. Avoiding any collateral damage. _Hasn’t that been her solely purpose the past 11 years?_ The non-confrontational woman seeking no confrontation whatsoever. 

The familiar building came to view and so the many mixed emotions. Tears welled up in her eyes, all she had been holding the past week. She thought she knew fear, hopelessness, desperation. How ridiculous she felt now, thinking of her life and the pain she thought was heartbreaking. Nothing would ever compare to what she was feeling. 

She stood outside the automatic doors, fixing the dark grey beanie that hid her short, blond hair. There were things she needed to let go, the image of perfection among them. She wasn’t a child anymore but still felt like one. Everything was new, everything felt foreign. _And she just wanted a fucking hug._

Before anyone could ask what she needed or what she was doing there, she jumped into the first available elevator. The usual path leading to her past life. She wrapped her military green jacket around herself, feeling the awkwardness of standing out from the formality the rest wore. After all, she was still wearing yesterday’s clothes, black skinny jeans, black boots, a grey hoodie and her jacket. 

The lump in her throat felt heavier and harder to control the higher the numbers appeared. Anxiety spiking, the highest levels she had ever felt. There was panic, terror and nightmares. Even if the sleeping schedule was reduced to a couple of hours a day. They forced her to take a nap, she needed to take a nap. Healthy measures. 

Once the elevator doors opened, she was welcomed into the familiarity the 53rd floor gave her. It was hectic, just like she remembered. New faces, old faces, lots of faces. No one spared a second glance at her. 

_Grateful, she was grateful_. 

With trembling legs, she headed down the hall, her heart beating hard in her chest. The big wooden door sent a flash of warm memories, heartfelt and deep. She could hear faded voices from the inside, none she could identify. But she couldn’t back up, if she did, she feared all the courage she had managed to gather, would vanish. 

_Two hesitant knocks._

_Footsteps followed after._

The massive door opened and she felt like a child again. _Small_. 

In front of her was the only man she had genuinely loved and the one who had loved her back with no hesitations. Same auburn hair, a little longer. Same green eyes, a little tired. The surprise was evident as he pulled her into his arms without questions and she returned the embrace with the force she had been holding and saving. All the walls crashed down, waves of concealed feelings washing away. She sobbed in the arms of the only man who had never disappointed her, even if she had many times. 

But they had to pull apart, the need to remain in the arms of her father was deeper but so was the comfort she needed from everyone else. His soft hands caressed her face, wiping her tears away in a futile attempt to stop them. But she kept sobbing, even on her own. There was so much she wanted to share, needed to share. 

He dismissed the people inside and led her to the office, closing the door behind. How many times had she been there? Not enough. 

She sat on the couch, leaning on her father’s shoulder when he joined her. ‘’It’s okay, papa is here’’ He spoke with the softest voice she had ever heard. And she continued to sob until her head throbbed and her eyes kept closing with exhaustion. 

‘’I’m sorry’’ She managed to say with a shaky voice. He shook her head quickly, nothing to apologize. Except there was so much to apologize for. Leaving them behind, running away, hiding far from them. Never reaching out. But still, a part of her knew he understood in a deeper level why she did what she did. ‘’Can we go see mama?’’ The only request she had was to share the news to them together. Saying them twice would only make it harder and painful. 

Agnarr nodded, helping her up and leading her out the room. They took the elevator to the 12th floor and she prayed for Anna to be there. Praying, funny thing. She wasn’t a religious person but spent the past week praying as if the world was ending. Because in a way it was. It could. It would feel like it. 

The all familiar smell of biscuits hit her in the face and she wanted to smile, she genuinely wanted but her body refused to acknowledge anything other than her current feelings. Her mind was somewhere else, far apart in another room. 

He opened the door, making sure they weren’t busy and entered. She stood outside, a little unsure and afraid. _‘’_ _Iduna_ _, Anna. There’s someone who needs to talk to us and I’d_ _appreciate_ _if we would give her the chance to do so before asking questions’’_ She heard her father’s commanding voice. 

Their eyes met, a soft but steady nod of reassurance. He grabbed her hand with the same softness she remembered. And she entered the office hiding behind him, using him as a shield of protection from the facing of feelings. She watched the two women ran to her, engulfing her in the warmest hug she had ever received and she felt like melting there. A few tears escaped her eyes but she forced herself not to cry her heart out, not yet anyway. 

She apologized again, what else there was to do? That had always been the first step, but it was quickly dismissed with a kiss on her forehead from her mother and a squeeze in her forearm from Anna. They complied and didn’t ask anything, allowing her the freedom to go over her explanations. 

But her throat felt tighter, the images burning in her mind. ‘’It’s Maisie’’ 

‘’Maisie?’’ Anna asked confused. 

‘’I named her Maisie. Mais. She was born a week ago and there were complications’’ She had to stop, her voice breaking as she feared she would break down at any second. 

‘’What complications?’’ 

‘’Heart complications. She’s in the NICU, had to be transferred here for better treatment and I’m... so scared... and alone’’ It finally happened, the breaking down, crumbling down, the dam holding every fear, feeling, pain, shattering to pieces. They told her she would be okay; the surgery had gone well and she just needed to pull through recovery now. But she felt lonely, completely alone in a waiting room that did nothing but increase her sense of loss. 

So, she sought for the only comfort she needed. And it paid off once she felt them wrapped around her, each of them feeling their own way, reaching out to her in their own way. 

‘’You’re not alone, we’re here’’ Her mother whispered in her ear while planting kisses in her shoulder. Their presence was more than enough for her, always had been. She knew that leaving would never be a regret, running away from the pain that _that_ life was, would never be a regret. But her family, though small was powerful and always enough. 

‘’I’m sorry for leaving’’ She sobbed, leaning on her father’s chest. The steady heartbeat that kept her grounded. 

‘’There’s nothing to apologize for, we promise you that’’ Anna added, wiping her sister’s face with her thumbs. ‘’Is she alright?’’ 

She nodded. ‘’She needed surgery. I can’t see her yet but they said it went well’’ 

A fighter that little one had been. Gone through so much, dealt with so much and still kept the good fights, hands up to resist anything that came to her. With her blonde locks and blue eyes, calmness and peacefulness. She yelled once, when entering the wild world, making an imprint, telling everyone she had arrived. She latched fast, clutched onto her mother, holding for dear life. A failing heart was nothing, it kept beating despite the odds. 

Reminiscing about that night was the light in her dark tunnel, keeping the path lightened. There had been pain, labor had been tough in the solitude she had chosen. But there were nurses there, holding her hand and being the support she needed. It took 5 hours, a short labor they said. An easy birth. Everything felt easy with her. Except this agony and constant fear that she will be taken away from her. 

They ended up driving together to the hospital. And waited for hours in the colorful waiting room that was empty. She tried to apologize again but nothing would come out. Instead, she signed them up as regular visitors. Grandparents and aunt. Important people that could be informed of anything, should that be required. 

Minutes later a nurse appeared calling for her and she apologized, leaving them to go check on her little girl. There was a patterned floor, colorful walls. She was asked to put on a pink gown and to wash her hands and put on a mask. It was highly risky, especially after a surgery. But at the end of the room she could spot a tiny sign with Maisie Arendelle written over. 

She was asleep but breathing slowly and steadily. A tear escaped her eye as she glanced at her little fighter. There were protocols to be followed. She couldn’t hold her yet, maybe tomorrow. But just seeing her and making sure she was okay was enough. 

Before the doctor would arrive to inform her of the complete process of the surgery and everything that had happened, she asked for them to fetch her mother. An emotional support that could act as a second pair of ears. And she arrived just in time, pink gown and all. The team of surgeons explained that they had to fix her pulmonary valve but that everything went smoothly as it was predicted. That she should make a full recovery and expected to be discharged within the next few days if everything went according to plan. 

And she felt relieved. A terror had run up and down her body, day and night that for whatever reason she had made up in her mind, the world was punishing her with this. But that was nonsense and she knew it. To try to justify unjustifiable things with made up thoughts. Nonetheless she was grateful, her chest bursting with pride for that tiny human. 

‘’She looks just like you’’ Her mother’s voice grounded her and she looked up to meet her grey eyes filled with tears. She was a grandmother; she had been a grandmother long before Maisie arrived but the thought of her being it for her child, was beyond anything she had ever thought of. 

She was allowed to stay the night with Iduna but the rest couldn’t see her until the next day, which sounded better. They could hold her and truly see the beauty that the little girl was. Her big and curious eyes, the fades dimples that would pop out with the multiple smiles she would share. The real nature of a little girl who despite all the chances was still there. 

The parent’s room they gave them was empty and clean. It was rather small but better than the waiting room she had been sleeping the past few days. She had refused to stay a floor above, too far from Mais. Regardless, sleeping wasn’t something she did. Her doctor allowed her to have one cup of caffeine a week and she had forced herself to like the taste of decaf coffee, the one that now was blended into her body like blood, pumping and keeping her warm. Some nurses were worried, would force her to take naps, threatening her with refusing visitations and only then she would comply. That’s her level of stubbornness. Brand-new mommy with her character already built. 

A single bed was placed in a corner, a lamp and a nightstand. There was a chair and nothing else. What else should they need? Anyone need? The somber look helped her relax, her body aching with exhaustion. She took off her beanie, jacket and boot and placed them on top of her backpack, the one that she had previously dropped to the floor and pushed to a corner. And then, threw herself to the bed, curling up against the wall. 

For a second, she forgot about the other presence. Until the bed sunk, a hand came to rest in her back. A single kiss placed in her head. 

‘’I like your hair now’’ She whispered. The voice that mended wounds and healed souls, the one she had needed so desperately the past few months. 

‘’I donated it’’ It was the first thing she did when she settled in her new apartment. Getting rid of things that weighted, whether physical or emotional had been a first step among the many she had taken. She still held the memory closer to her heart. The sunny morning while anxiously waiting for the nicest girl to cut it. How she had cried and sobbed for hours in the comfort of her home. The relief, the freedom, the revolt. She turned around to face her mother, who was lying next to her in bed. Cuddling closer, the scent of everything familiar filled her senses. ‘’I’m sorry for leaving’’ 

‘’Are you?’’ 

There was the hint of a smirk, the honesty and revelation. The brutality of whatever she could say would be okay. ‘’No’’ 

It was hard, to let go of the past, the life she had worked hard to build. But along the way she figured out the true meaning of things. What she needed, what she deserved. Her worth, her power. A therapy session with the right person had ignited a path of self-discovery and acceptance that felt so foreign yet alleviating. The weight of the world was shared, the wounds exposed as she worked hard each day to mend them, heal them, learn from them. The woman that left months ago wasn’t the same that was lying there, that sought help, support, company from them in this excruciating time. 

_She had changed._

_Her life had changed._

‘’Are you leaving again?’’ The inquiry though filled with curiosity and pain, resembled nothing but fear. Of what? of letting go again? of the emptiness it left? 

_Was she ready to return?_

Even if she wasn’t, she had learned that it was not the time to be selfish. Maisie deserved to be surrounded by love. 

‘’I don’t know’’ But there was uncertainty, many factors in display. Her divorce with Hans wasn’t concluded, their lawyers fighting over money. She didn’t care about that. Money was dispensable, unnecessary. She had learned that too. How much you can do with so little. Of course, affording a life was a top priority but luxuries? She had gotten rid of them. As long as she had food, a roof, a job and the love of her family, everything would be okay. 

She woke up hours later, startled by her own nightmares. Ones that had returned with her anxiety. She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t rest. She took a quick shower, changed her clothes and returned to the same room. But her body screamed for caffeine, the necessary boost before making her way to her daughter. Her mom slept peacefully and she left quietly, making sure to leave a note. 

Wandering down the halls of the hospital was not an easy task, especially early in the morning. The sun was breaking through the clouds of the dawn. The vending machine in the NICU floor sported a broken sign that forced her to curse. 

‘’There’s a coffee shop down the block. We order from there when this old machine stops working. It’s the best one, in my humble opinion’’ A sweet nurse commented while passing by. After a heartfelt thank you she made her way out the hospital. Passing through a long hallway that resembled a bridge, leading to the elevator. 

The coldness of the morning hit her straight in the face. Her grey beanie was placed on top of her head, her jacket closed and hands hidden in the pockets. Anything to warm her up. A few people walking down the street, some jogging, other’s in a rush. The usual city vibe she didn’t missed. Despite that, the sidewalk was nearly empty. 

With a quick pace she walked down the street. The smell of freshly brewed coffee was the first sign that she was closer. Bushes decorating the sidewalk, high trees and wooden benches. There was a park right across the store. 

The warmth of the place engulfed her, a big warm hug. There was a rustic vibe, almost country-like. A glass exhibiting pastries that got her mouthwatering. Chocolate cakes. Red velvet. Anything you could imagine to satisfy any demand. She lined up, ordered an Americano and waited for her name to be called. 

Once they handed her the beverage, she took a seat by the window. Despite the coldness, the day threatened to be sunny and filled with warmth. Inside her jacket, in a hidden pocket was a small journal. A little rusty, pages stained with coffee. _Mostly decaf_. 

Starting a journal had been her therapist’s idea. The word vomiting, pouring of feelings was immensely helpful especially in situations she had zero control over. It helped her manage certain aspects, organize her thoughts and feelings, and keep track of them. Her handwriting though fast, was sloppy, her heart aching with each word being scribbled. 

‘’ _The usual, please_ ’’ Often when writing she tended to lose her focus on everything else, her surroundings and exteriors. A risky situation if alone. So, when the low and velvety voice reached her ears, a shiver ran up her spine. 

_The familiarity._

_Resonating through her memories, relentlessly._

_Infuriating._

_A pause._

Her blue eyes looked up. Brown hair braided, pulled to the side. Black scarf, long jacket. The formality she loved yet hated. _Please don’t turn around, please don’t turn around._ But she wanted to be recognized. Deeply, desperately. Though hurt, profoundly wounded by actions and words. There had been apologies, shared experiences, need to reconnect. All she had left behind, ripped away from her chest with no anesthesia. But she was ready to forgive. Therapy would do that to you, with honesty and willingness. 

Their eyes met. Oceanic blue against intense caramel eyes, adorned with the same vulnerability than before. Openness, honesty, transparency. All she could read with an ease uncanny. Her eyes scanning her face, roaming through her body, looking for something, any sign that told her it was her imagination. The same trick that had been played before, in the lonely nights when she craved her touch. 

Tongue passing through her lower lip. A moment of consideration. Flushed cheeks, one glance at the barista who handed her order. Coffee in hand she approached her, confident steps. 

_Do it_. 

In return she rose. Commanding legs, commanding heart. Journal discarded somewhere in the table along the lukewarm americano. Feet turned into inches. She could smell the vanilla scent with hints of coconut, feel the ghost of her touches on her skin. She had fallen in the trap, gave into the temptation. That’s how bad she had it for her. Despite everything, she’d give anything for the longing to stop. 

With the same roughness that waves crashed into the rocks on the coast, their bodies did. Not as painful. Not painful at all. Their mouths connected, lips touching, fitting perfectly with the other. A soft, slow, tender kiss. Yet hungry, desperate, thirsty for the other. Letting go of what had been held for so long. 

_And it was all the confirmation she needed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few clarifications: (Yeah, you got me into the whole number thingy lol) 
> 
> 1\. Why Maisie? Well, because I like that name. I think it’s cute. Also, it starts with M just like... MAREN. Yes. Exactly. Will we get to see Elsa explaining that? Maybe. I kinda spoiled that so now I'm not that sure lol.  
> 2\. Will Maisie be okay? Yeah, a 100%. Her NICU stay was only for continuity purposes. She’ll be fine. Everyone will be fine. Except Hans when I break his nose hehe. No but seriously. I’m sort of done with all the extreme angst, we can rest and catch a break. IT’S ALL ABOUT FLUFF NOWWW.  
> 3\. I’ve been working on something else hehehehe and I’m really excited to share it with the world. Is it a prequel? Yes. Okay, I don’t know how to keep a secret alright? It’s a happy prequel of just young love. Who doesn’t want that? But let me finish this first before jumping into that. I tend to lose interest in stuff, that's my inner Gemini. Oops.   
> 4\. Oh, and before I forget... I am not - by any means - a healthcare professional. All my knowledge has been granted by Grey's Anatomy and the 13 years I've been watching that show. Nonstop. I owe them my life. Yep. That's where I got my Physician Degree.
> 
> Anywayyyyy, that’s all for today! 
> 
> See ya soon.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ask, I deliver.

For the shortest amount of time the world stopped, vanished into thin air. Like summer mornings in the cabin, after finals week. With the sun raising slowly, sunlight reflecting in the glowing skin of post-sex peak. Bodies intertwined, connected beyond the physical. Tanned skin against pale, swirling under the covers that shielded them from the outside world. 

_The getaway_ _card_ _._

_It was that simple._

Warm hand pushing her face closer, deepening the kiss with the same hunger than before. Tongues brushing, parted lips, lack of control and dominance. Letting go was hard, like ripping stitches. Their foreheads touching, leaning against each other seeking that lost comfort. _It had been too long._

The world came back, returned to its rushed tempo. 

‘’I’m not letting you go again’’ Her soft words traveled to her ears, settling in the depths of her brain and heart. Their hands met in a tight grip as the blonde pulled her to the side, the empty booth accommodating the two. And she leaned over for another breathtaking, groundbreaking, world-stopping kiss. 

Could her life fall in order now? Grant her every wish? A family, a lover, stability? 

Inevitably they had to pulled away but remained closer to each other, inches apart, noses brushing with tender. Her tanned and warm hand went to grab a strand of her short hair, tucking it behind her ear under the beanie. ‘’I love this’’ 

The blonde closed her eyes, letting the voice sink into every crack of her soul. ‘’Easier to manage’’ 

‘’I bet’’ A smirk settled on her face. The freckles hidden under a thin layer of foundation, the natural face she had come to see in the mornings was masked under the façade of the successful lawyer. She had to bit her lip to suppress the proud grin. 

A comfortable silence sat between them, disrupted every few seconds by an annoying customer with a high pitch voice demanding an order. But she couldn’t be bothered to care, not when she had the most beautiful woman in front. Her phone vibrated in her pocket, snapping her out of the fairytale daydream. 

_Shit._

Iduna had woken up to an empty bed, the note discarded on the floor or who knew where. Regardless, her heart tightened in her chest. Dark thoughts running through the old woman’s mind. She was quick to assure everything was okay and that she’d be back soon. 

‘’Can I find you somewhere else?’’ The brunette asked, sensing the change. She had to leave. A conflicted heart between the conversations she wanted to have, the touches she needed and the goodbye she hated. But Maisie was probably wondering about her mother’s whereabouts, insisting on seeing her. Babbling until tiring the poor nurses. 

‘’I’m staying at the hospital. There’s someone I’d like to introduce you to, if you want, of course. I’ll text you’’ And she got up, placed her journal in the safety of her pocket and moved away. The scene all too familiar, a distress in her heart. This time though, she turned around and kissed her deeply. 

_Not a goodbye._

The walk back to the hospital turned into a sprint. Due to her increasingly lack of self-control - which she totally blamed the brunette for, with her caramel eyes, strawberry taste-like lips and overall perfection - she had neglected her role as a mother. Though it would have been more about waiting than anything else. Regardless, her place was near her child. 

Her therapist went over the love subject with caution yet straightforwardness. A strange mix that felt refreshing and necessary. Leaving aside the multiple sessions that focused on the main topic - love shouldn’t hurt – the rest was about self-discovery. She was allowed to love, anyone and anything. With no restrictions, whatsoever. And there were certain levels of love, all equally important, of course. She just needed the time to love freely, chaotically, passionately. The controlling, planning and organizing of feelings was left for later. The first step was that. 

But now, could she allow herself to love someone despite all the reservations? 

Loving Maren had never been an issue of the past. It was always dormant but present nonetheless. Small fractions of her life dedicated to the nourish of it, with the intent of perpetuate its latent presence. Steady, confident. How could she allow herself to love someone again if she never stopped loving them in the first place? 

Other sessions were about letting herself be loved. The fear and everlasting impact of trust breaking, limits crossing, shattered intimacy. _Abuse_. The distrust was bigger than she pictured. In everyone she spotted a flaw. An escaping plan was made every time she dared stepping into unfamiliar territory. It was how her brain worked, after all the suffering. It was a natural reaction, nothing to be ashamed of. But the goal wasn’t to improve and let everything in the past, but learn to live among those fears and feelings. Navigate through life knowing how to manage her own reaction to them. She couldn’t prevent nor modify the response in the others. Only in herself. 

It was hard, putting herself out there. The first few months, between hiding herself in the small apartment and refusing to face reality, to the only single drop of hope. _Hope_ was her name, funny thing. An old lady living in the adjacent apartment. Single, alone, owner of a few cats. She had been her savior, pillar. Forced her to get the help she needed, to rise from the ground and to do the right thing. 

She smiled sadly before entering the hospital. Between all the thinking she didn’t notice until she was standing outside the entrance. The sky was still the bright shade of blue, a few white clouds hovering but nothing threatening. _Like life_ , Hope had said. 

A quick text was sent to her mother, letting her know that she’d be in the NICU. The reply was short and brief, the woman was waiting for Agnarr to join them. Excitement grew in her body, from seeing her little girl, from her dad meeting her. And Maren. Seeing her had been a perfect addition to the strike of good news. 

Pink robe on and washed hands. She entered the place, spotting the sweet nurse with tired eyes. ‘’How’s she?’’ 

Lying there, wide-eyed and arms stretched was little Maisie Anne. Her curly hair was curlier than ever, messed up with the covers and movement. An active baby, that she knew. How else could she explain the constant rib kicking? 

‘’Mais did great last night. Everything’s going according to plan, even better dare I say. It was suggested last night to put some clothes, a onesie for warmth. Nothing too fancy. We thought we’d wait for you’’ 

Blue eyes sparkled with excitement. From the moment she was born, a series of check-ups had been performed. The chance of dressing her baby ripped away from her. But now it was returned, with no warnings. Yet it was extremely welcomed. 

Her pale hands searched through the bag with expertise. She had packed all the essentials, clothing, diapers, bibs, everything she had read online. At the bottom laid the dusty rose long sleeve onesie, the one with the peanut embroidered. A wave of memories flooded every inch of her. The privilege of Mais to wear such an important piece of clothing. 

‘’Hello Peanut’’ Her big eyes searched for her, the source of the voice she knew by memory and instinct. Her small hand wrapped around her finger. ‘’How about we get dressed?’’ 

Diaper changed, body cleaned, clothes on. The smell of her baby made everything better. She held her, their eyes meeting. An unspoken connection of love, security, nourishment. Everything. It meant everything to the blonde, to be able to hold her little girl without fear, without restrictions. And if she was given a choice, she wouldn’t change a thing. Every pain, every agony she had to go through, had paid off with the life of little peanut. 

She sat in the rocking chair to feed her baby, the connection deepening. Watching her latch was still astonishing, the natural way of giving life from her own. They stood like that for a while, the baby often drifting off to sleep but waking when the nipple was even attempted to be taken away. She giggled. Babies were funny. Maisie was funny. So funny she had made her mom suffer the first week of life. So, so funny. 

Regardless of her complaints that were brief, Elsa pulled the baby away and placed her on her shoulder to help get rid of the air. The motion came naturally, all the YouTube videos, online classes and advices paying off. A small burp followed shortly after and she moved to see her. A milk-covered small smile. ‘’How rude, that was premium milk’’ 

Outside the room were her parents watching the scene unfold. The blonde unaware of being watched, continued her business until her eyes caught the teary eyes of her parents. With little Maisie in her arms wide awake, she moved to the glass window. ‘’Hi papa! Hi nana!’’ The chubby arm of the newborn was raised, waving at them. Both girls watched the Arendelle's prep themselves before entering. 

And that fast the little girl was taken from her arms. Agnarr couldn’t contain himself and rushed to hold her granddaughter with careful movements. He was a pro, mastered the whole newborns thing. His olive eyes watering at the sight of the small girl, who showed no complaints and remained calm despite the emotionality that surrounded her. 

‘’She looks just like you’’ He whispered; his voice shaky with the complexity of the unshed tears. The acknowledgement of new life, growing unforgiving, with such a strength it was wondrous. She chose to believe the thoughts that kept lurking in the back of her mind would turn out to be the correct. Moving away, running from her life had been beneficial, healing, done wonders for her. But it was time for another responsibility to take place. 

And watching her parents interact with her daughter in the most innate way, with an irrevocable compassion, love beyond comprehension; all that had given her the confirmation she couldn’t keep Maisie away from them. It was selfish. Ruthless even. Non-deserving to the always present, always caring parents. She needed to move back. 

The morning passed by quickly. Her parents had to leave for a meeting but the promise of coming back, though verbal, wasn’t that necessary. She knew deep down not even miles could separate them. At the end, it was the two of them, joined briefly by the staff of doctors doing a check-up. All pointing to an excellent recovery and a prompt discharge from the hospital. 

Early afternoon was hectic. Between the movement of visitors of different babies, constant check-up and the fuzziness of the restricted nap, Elsa felt like joining the rest of the newborns in their crying. But a miracle happened and not an hour later they all calmed down. 

Maisie was an angel. No wonder she was the nurses’ favorite. Between her chill, laid-back personality and little trouble she gave, everyone adored being around her. She would smile the most, her eyes open wide with curiosity. But in her mother’s arms she could peacefully stay, take naps, drink milk until drunk and poop. 

And she allowed a minute to truly appreciate what her child was. Because whether she wanted to accept it or not, the girl was half Hans though it was debatable. The only two things resembling him were the light dust of freckles on her cheeks and nose, and a small birthmark on her foot. The rest, she proudly knew was hers. From the freshly new curly hair - platinum blonde, of course – the bright blue eyes and long lashes. The fair skin and long fingers. She pictured the young girl playing the piano, skilled like her nana. 

She passed a soft finger over Mais’ eyebrow, eliciting a loud sigh from her. The blonde smiled, her chest expanding with love and overwhelming peace. It had been a bumpy road but totally worth it. ‘’I love you’’ She whispered while kissing her forehead, something she knew shouldn’t do but couldn’t really help doing. 

Since peanut was due for a nap, she put the sleeping baby in the comfy crib, as she eyed the clock placed in the faraway wall of the room. It was almost 3pm. Earlier she had texted Maren to meet her at the entrance at that time, for the awaited conversation and eventual meeting with Maisie. Something that kept her excited the following hours. With a smile plastered on her face she informed the nurse she’d be outside for a short time, in case they needed something. 

She stepped out of the hospital onto the small park outside, filled with trees and empty benches. The sun shining brightly above her, though the breeze was cold. She hid her hands inside the sleeves of her sweater and walked over, spotting the brunette sitting on a bench under a tree. The blonde smiled. Her hair was in the same braid to the side but she had ditched the formal clothes for something else. Jeans and a sweatshirt. Casual, like always. She looked calm, serene despite the anxiety that Elsa knew hid inside. 

The first time she spoke about the brunette in therapy she did it out of spite and anger, she was still deeply hurt by everything that had happened. It was at the beginning, still unable to process the events that had led her to take the decision to leave her life behind and start fresh somewhere new. But the more they worked through her issues, the more she understood her resentment was misdirected. Of course, she had hurt her with actions that now knew were unjustified but to live in the past and dwell on it, wasn’t healthy. 

Maren had explained her reasons, had made it clear why she thought whatever she did was okay. And it made sense, if one paid close attention. Elsa’s feelings and emotions were valid too, the way she reacted to the information provided was valid too and no one could take that from her. But to be able to forgive Maren had been a big step, one she had so proudly taken. 

And after forgiving, had come the awful realization that she was still in love with her. And she missed her. Missed her touches, her voice, her kisses, her caring presence. Everything about her. Because at the end, she was the only constant thing in her life. She knew Elsa like no one did, not even Hans. But it pained her to keep longing for someone who was not around anymore. 

But now that she was there, sitting on that bench waiting for her, she knew the only thing that she would pray for, would be to be held in those arms again. 

Their eyes met and she smiled widely, getting up and wrapping her arms around the blonde. ‘’Hey’’ 

‘’Hey’’ She shyly replied, sitting down and moving closer. They turned to face each other, a little awkward after the impulsive meet-up they had earlier that day. The silence settled between them but it was short, interrupted by the soft sound of moaning as their lips crashed into the other in a deep and passionate kiss. She had missed her so much, had dreamt of the moment she got to taste her again. Prayed that she would wait for her, to have her touching her like she knew. Maren turned her into an avid prayerful. 

They parted, pulling away to breathe. ‘’How are you?’’ The brunette asked, out of breath. 

‘’Better now’’ 

They shared a genuine smile, their eyes meeting and never leaving. She felt like a teenager falling in love for the first time. ‘’You ditched the beanie. I love your hair, did I say that?’’ 

The blonde chuckled, her cheeks burning red. ‘’You did’’ 

‘’So... ‘’ Silence settled between the two again, but Maren didn’t let it linger for too long. ‘’Back to the true purpose of our meeting. I meant what I said earlier, Elsa. I’m not letting you go again’’ The confidence in which she spoke felt new, like a rehearsed speech she had been practicing for too long. It came with such an ease, natural and with sentiment. She really meant it. ‘’I’m sorry for what happened that day, I shouldn’t have let you go. And for everything that happened 10 years ago, you were right I was-’’ 

‘’No’’ But Elsa stopped her. Not because she didn’t want to hear her, quite the opposite, she loved to hear Maren ramble. But the conversation was heading to a place she didn’t want it to go. Regretting the things that were said, things that were done, never led to anything other than a constant anguish about the past. Which couldn’t be changed. ‘’I left and healed a lot. I learned a lot too Maren. About myself and life, in general. What I want, want I need. What happened in the past, happened. I can’t do anything to change it, let alone dwell on it for too long. I can’t allow myself to fall into that same pattern again’’ She grabbed the warm hands of the brunette, locking eyes with her in the softest yet most direct way. ‘’I love you’’ 

The silence that followed would’ve been painful, heartbreaking for her past self. But she had learned that since she couldn’t control the reaction in the others, she could control herself. And she did, by sharing her feelings and knowing that whatever happened, she felt at peace with the decision of loving freely, with no restrictions. 

A smile slowly grew on her face, her caramel eyes glimmering with hope and happiness. ‘’I love you too, Elsa. For so long I have and forever I will’’ The reply was brief but concise, _perfect_. They shared another kiss, the need to touch each other in any possible form kept growing as she pushed the brunette closer, deepening the kiss. 

‘’There’s someone I want you to meet’’ The blonde said after pulling away. She got up, stretching her hand to the brunette, who took it with a big smile. 

They stepped into the hospital in silence but not the awkward one. She felt content walking side by side with the woman that held her heart. The one that was now bouncing in happiness at the development of events that transpired. It had been tough to come to the conclusion of what she wanted and to reach out to that. But seeing her again for the first time, had been the confirmation that she was the love of her life, the one she was meant to spend the rest of her life with. And she was going to make it work. _Whatever it took_. 

After signing up, they entered a small room where another nurse explained the brunette the procedure whilst she got ready. ‘’I’ll be inside, at the very end. You’ll see me’’ And Elsa entered. She knew everything that needed to be done by memory, so she did it faster. With her robe on and washed hands she headed to her child, that was awake and sucking on her hand. ‘’Hungry already, uh?’’ 

Maisie’s eyes looked everywhere for her mother, until they met. Elsa grabbed her and placed her in her arms with the same care she had before and the little girl smiled in contentment, her dimples popping on each cheek. She smiled, the overwhelming love still feeling like a brand-new experience. It was unbelievable how much her heart could grow with feelings for this tiny human. 

The blonde’s eyes looked up from Mais’ to meet Maren, who was entering the room with hesitation but with a big smile. ‘’Elsa?’’ 

‘’Maren, this is Maisie Anne’’ And she turned to show her the infant she was cradling in her arms, the little girl who looked up with curious eyes and a small patch of curly hair that looked untamable but cute, nonetheless. 

‘’Hello Maisie, I’m Maren’’ She leaned over, closer to the baby. Maisie with her big blue eyes turned to follow the familiar voice and smiled. ‘’She knows me’’ 

‘’Of course she does. I bet she’ll smile again if you start singing’’ And Maren did so, sang the familiar melody she used to sing whenever Elsa was around. As if on cue, Maisie smiled again. Which not only made the brunette incredibly happy, but also the blonde. ‘’If you do that again the baby will start crying and by baby, I mean me’’ Maren rolled her eyes and shook her head, returning her sight to peanut who started to fuzz in the arms of her mother. 

Elsa sat down in the rocking chair as she settled the baby closer to her and uncovered her breast to feed little Mais, who immediately latched. 

‘’Do you even feed her? Look at her! She’s super hungry’’ Maren commented while taking a seat in the adjacent chair. She had seen Elsa’s body before, with eyes that were more than friendly but this time, she couldn’t help but feel a warmth spreading through her, seeing her feed the child she had been carrying inside. 

‘’This milk is excellent, that’s why she loves it so much’’ She gently passed one finger over the side of her face, the silky and smooth skin, the paleness that only enhanced the freckles. The baby was perfect. 

She could spend the rest of her life admiring what her child was, especially in the company of the brunette. But once the baby drifted off to sleep after being burped and changed, they were again alone. The only company was the infant Maren cradled in her arms, the soft snores and steady breathing. Something felt quite right, her chest expanding with love as she leaned to the side and over Maren’s shoulder, inhaling the calmness of the family she had wanted from the beginning. 

_It felt so right._

_It had been that easy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kate, were you listening to a One Direction playlist while writing this? Um yes.  
> Are you okay with all the fluff you’ve been writing? I don’t know, I guess? it makes me feel a little lonely. I want a Maren... yep.  
> Well, I don’t really know much about babies in general. But since this is a fictional story, I’ve taken the liberty of doing whatever I want haha dang it.  
> Anyway, I’m feeling a little blue. Yeah, I know. It’s the rainy weather and the quarantine that’s got me like this. I thought maybe it was my angsty writing but no! It wasn’t that. And I tried to write happier things but it’s not helping. So maybe I’ll take a break? I’m a having a crisis, that’s the thing. And a writer’s block, I'm stuck writing a few chapters. So yeah, things are not going well on this side of the screen. But they will. WOW THAT WAS LAME. 
> 
> Anyway. Just sharing that as a precaution, in case the upcoming chapters are shitty lol let’s hope they’re not. 
> 
> That’s all for this week, I guess. Well, maybe I'll post some one-shots I have saved in case things get bad lol 
> 
> See ya.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little flangst doesn't hurt anybody, right?

The was a knot tightening in the pit of her stomach. A bitter taste in her mouth, every sense in high alert.  _ Things had been too good _ . The ocean sporting an unusual calmness and she felt stupid for allowing her a second of  vulnerability to lower her arms, her defenses. 

But wasn’t that the sole purpose of coming back? To be able to feel again? Then why every single emotion creeping up her body was genuine fear and disgust? Why she felt alone in a battle that was never meant to be fought with the brutality she knew would eventually lead to? 

She allowed herself five seconds of regret for the decisions she had done. The second-guessing, the maybes, the doubting. Because at the end, coming back may have not been the best idea. But who was she kidding? Facing the problem and finding a solution at the expense of her own feelings was always meant to happen. She was ready for it, mentally  prepared for the vile confrontation. 

What she never expected was to see him again, carrying a threat too powerful it forced her to recoil. Retreat to the confines of her solitude and reclaim the comfort of a soul that wasn’t there. 

A nurse had come to tell her someone was demanding to enter, claiming that its child was in here. That someone was Hans Westergaard. And in between the shock and numbness, she left her peanut to confront the man. With a pounding heart and her sole presence, she stepped out of the quiet and always peaceful NICU. Outside she encountered the sight of two guards and three nurses stopping him, blocking him from going rogue and entering, endangering not only the staff but also every sick infant that peacefully slept inside.

He stood with his arms crossed, the posture of an angered man. Smug and cocky, a  faraway cry from the man she used to know. He sported a full beard and longer hair. His eyes the same intense green as before, that widened once spotting the blonde. 

‘’Elsa?’’ He called out to her with a frown, stepping away from everyone and making his way closer to her. Instead of taking a step back, she speeded up, forcing him to stop and meet her in the middle. The last thing she wanted was to bring him closer to the entrance of the sacred place that was her daughter’s temporary home.

‘’What are you doing here?’’ She asked, spitting venom from her mouth. His shocked face morphed into the same angered one from before, the superior feeling  vanished when she didn’t  shrink away  from his stand. 

The guards moved to the entrance and stood there, one on each side. Elsa nodded at them as a thank you, which only enraged the redhead even more. ‘’My child’s in here, don’t you think I deserve to see it?!’’ 

‘’Do I need to remind you of the restraining order against you?’’ Her voice was confident and steady, as she looked at him with no emotions  whatsoever . He scoffed at her but before he could say anything, she continued. ‘’I’ll be happy to ask the guards there to give the police a call’’ 

And while she wasn’t a violent person per se, she was done with his behavior. She was in control now and she would do anything to protect her baby, especially from him. She watched him bite his tongue and nod. ‘’It’s my child too, you know?’’ 

‘’Oh yeah? Do you even know if it’s a boy or a girl? The name? Were you at the labor? Or do you even know why it’s in here?’’ Her tone was threatening, borderline humiliating and the reddening of his cheeks confirmed it. 

He scoffed again. ‘’ Of course I don’t. You made sure to keep me away from it. As for why it’s in here, I don’t know but I’m not surprised, you had to screw this child too just like everything else, right?’’ 

She tried to remember the self-control techniques her therapist had told her but in that moment all she saw was red. Her palm landed on his cheek, in a slap that echoed loudly in the entire place and brought everyone’s attention to them. He recoiled in pain but jumped to grab her face and pushed her against the wall. ‘’Do that again, I dare you’’ But before he could try anything else, the guards were on him, escorting him out of the building while a few nurses comforted the shaken-up blonde. 

Her cheeks and jaw were reddened with faint nail scratches and the back of her head hurt like hell. Luckily, it was only a bump. She had quickly asked the guards for the security footage as her family was called. Despite everything, she was rather calm. A little numb, dared she say. But scared, nonetheless. How could she not? Even if years of therapy – which she had yet to accomplish – and the promise of healing through time, there was still the roots of the trauma imprinted in her. She was scared of him and it wasn’t until that happened that she feared she would never be able to let go of that paralyzing and terrifying feeling. 

They still forced her to get admitted and tests to be done, just as a precaution. Even if she knew that nothing was wrong. In the solitude of the small room in the ER she found herself sobbing quietly. Stripped down from the comfort of her clothes, the scent of familiarity which sent her into panicking. She hated him but forced herself not to let him get to her, he didn’t have the power, not anymore. 

‘’Elsie?’’ Her mother’s soft voice cut through the thickness of her thoughts and she turned around, meeting the sight of her parents, worry written on their faces. ‘’What happened?’’ She asked as soon as they hugged each other. 

She inhaled the scent of lavender that calmed her senses with such an ease it was surprising. ‘’Hans showed up’’ 

And she tried to explain as best as she could everything that happened, though it wasn’t much. Except she had been assaulted again, by the same man who still carried that air of superiority against her, with his violent acts and bitter words. But what else could she do? She couldn’t run away  anymore; she was tired of hiding and living in fear. 

After explaining everything, Agnarr left to speak to the lawyers and Elsa felt relieved knowing someone was taking care of everything. A few minutes later came a doctor who inform them that the tests came clean and she could leave. And she did. Left and went directly to Maisie, to hold her and never let her go. 

The agony of being apart from her was heartbreaking, even if her mother assured her Anna was with her and that nothing was going to happen now that they knew about Hans. Private security had been hired and posted outside. But still, she felt like that wasn’t enough. The only place she’d ever be secure would be in her arms, the arms of the only person who would give her life to protect her.

‘’How are you?’’ Anna asked as Elsa stepped inside the room. The redhead was standing by the crib, watching over the little girl who was peacefully sleeping, unaware of everything that had happened outside less than an hour ago. 

She moved to sit in the rocking chair, closing her eyes and sighing loudly. ‘’Better now’’ A warm hand stroking her bruised neck softly forced her to open her eyes, and she was met with Anna’s worried gaze. 

‘’He hurt you again’’ Her voice was so small, it felt foreign in the usual chirpy young woman. 

‘’Anna-’’ 

‘’No, let me talk’’ With a raised hand she asked and Elsa complied, nodding. ‘’When you left, I didn’t know what to do or how to really feel. I wanted to feel happy for you but I couldn’t. All I could think was of how terrible we had been to you. The signs had been obvious and we ignored them. I should’ve been there for you the same way you have been there for me, for all my life. I won’t allow you to push me away again and you’re not alone anymore’’ Tears fell down her freckled cheeks as the blonde smiled sadly, moving to hug her little sister. 

She never really took a moment to acknowledge the damage she was doing to everyone else by leaving. She couldn’t. If she had done that, taken even a small fraction of a second to really think the decision through, she never would’ve left. But she was glad that despite everything, they were able to receive her with open arms. Even if the separation was shorter than intended, for she never though it would end in the situation it had. 

‘’I’m sorry’’ The blonde apologized as she kissed her sister’s cheek, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. ‘’I won’t shut you out again, I promise’’ 

The redhead smiled. ‘’Now sit down, I bet your head hurts like hell’’ She placed one hand in the blonde’s arm, forcing her to sit down in the chair again which elicited a laugh from her older sister.

‘’Hey! No cursing in front of Maisie Anne’’ 

Anna stood frozen next to the blonde; her eyes wide open in shock as tears pooled in her teal eyes. Elsa frowned confused, thinking that something was wrong or had happened. In the fraction a second,  thousands of thoughts ran through her mind, only to be shut down by a small question. ‘’Anne?’’ 

But she ended up sighing loudly, relieved by the innocent inquiry. ‘’ Of course she’d carry her aunt’s name. Duh’’ The redhead leaned over her shoulder, sighing louder as a small sob escaped her lips. ‘’If you keep  crying, I won’t be able to relax’’ 

She closed her eyes, squeezing her sister’s hand for support as she took in the events of the day. She wasn’t entirely surprised of Hans arrival, yet the way he had come and shook her life again with the same roughness and carelessness, was still burning brightly in her mind. Luckily, she was easily distracted by her child that demanded her attention, to be held and nourish. And by Anna, who took her mind off things by sharing her own stories, making her giggle. 

But deep within her, she was still shaken up and wanted to scream. Her chest constricted with something heavy, her  repressed feelings and boiled up rage. But what else could she do other than held her daughter and vow protection above anything else? In the solitude that the corner of the room provided, long after her sister had left, she sobbed while holding her child. 

‘’I’m sorry, Maisie’’ And the infant looked up to meet her mother’s teary eyes, a little confused but overall unaffected by the outburst. Though she started to fuzz once her mother couldn’t find it in herself to calm down, but she still held her tightly, kissing her head. ‘’I promise you it’ll get better’’ 

She cradled her closer to her chest, calming the baby once she was able to hear her mother’s heartbeat. In that position Peanut fell asleep, as the blonde continued to shed held-up tears that didn’t seem to end even if she wanted to. A dam had broken, a wave of emotion that couldn’t be stopped.

A sweet nurse had approached her, shaking her shoulder softly. ‘’Do you want me to put the baby back on the crib?’’ But she had shaken her head, holding  Mais closer. Everyone was aware of what had happened and shared some sort of silent pact with the single mother, empathizing with her as much as they could. 

Though she had her eyes closed, she could still hear the murmurs around her and was aware of another person entering the room and a nurse explaining briefly what had happened. Once the  footsteps grew closer, she was able to smell the person’s perfume and she knew instantly it was the woman she wanted to see, craved deeply to see. 

A single hand caressing her face, the comfort was enough as she leaned closer to the warmth. ‘’Els?’’ She opened her eyes slowly. ‘’May I?’’ She pointed at the sleeping baby and the blonde nodded, as Maren took the baby and rocked her for a while before placing her back on the crib. 

Her eyelids felt heavy and her head was foggy, the effects of the painkillers they had given her and all the crying. She was tired, exhausted and wanted to cuddle in a bed. Her bed. With her baby and Maren, away from the world. But it wasn’t possible because every time she even attempted to dream about a future, reality came crashing down on her. 

‘’Snowflake’’ The brunette called out to her and she looked up to meet the always comforting warm caramel eyes she loved to see. It was magic, she knew that. Something mystical happening, for she couldn’t get enough of those. ‘’Want to talk about it?’’ 

Deep inside something told her not to open up the same wounds again but she had learned that closing herself up was painful and only leading to more pain. Her therapist was speaking in her brain, her voice sharing encouraging words about word-vomiting and openness. She smiled sadly. ‘’Hans showed up’’ 

The lack of reaction from the brunette told her she already knew about it. ‘’What did he say?’’ 

Elsa broke eye contact, looking away. The words ringing in, echoing in her mind. She couldn’t help but let his words sink in, the blame and guilt growing. ‘’He wasn’t surprised my child was here, that I screw up everything’’ 

This statement, however, elicited a reaction from Maren. She tightened her grip on the chair, exhaling loudly. ‘’Elsa, look at me’’ But the blonde couldn’t meet her gaze, she was ashamed and terrified of his words being true. Her biggest fear of messing her daughter’s life felt too real. She grabbed her jaw carefully with her hand and forced her to meet her eyes. ‘’Look at me. That’s not true’’ 

‘’How do you know?’’ The blonde asked in a soft and small voice. 

‘’For a lot of reasons. First, it’s Hans. Nothing he says it's true and you should know better than to believe that piece of shit. Second, I’ve seen you with her and I know you, Elsa. Your heart is pure and your love for that small girl is so big and genuine, it’s contagious. I will never believe a word he says, especially when it comes to a baby girl he hasn’t even met’’ 

Elsa smiled softly at her words, her eyes searching for any lie in her eyes. But she was faced with the same sincerity and  compassion than before. Her eyes glimmering with honesty and loyalty. ‘’I’m scared, Maren’’ She replied, a single tear escaping her eye. 

‘’I know you are. But you’re not alone, you have me and your family. We’re here for you and Maisie. Hans will never come closer to you; I promise you that’’ The brunette kissed her forehead. ‘’I love you, Els. And I’m not leaving, remember that’’ 

The blonde got up, moving to sit over Maren’s lap as she brunette held her closer. She wanted that physical comfort, needed it. Everything and anything Maren would  provide, she would gladly take. ‘’I love you too’’ 

_ And it felt right. So damn right.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back after my self-seclusion to the bahamas. Nah, I've taken some time to write and I'm proud to say I'm one chapter away from finishing this hehe I'm excited tho, so excited not even my throat soreness and headache will stop me from enjoying this.   
> Anyway, I know this chapter isn't that good you don't have to lie to me. But I did my best while having 0 ideas. You know, filler chapters. But things will get juicy.... well, I wouldn't say that's the word but you know. Well, you don't actually know but whatever. 
> 
> I'll try to update soon. When? I don't know, honestly. This week tho *wink wink*  
> So yep, have a good day.   
> See ya!
> 
> Oh! apparently I don’t know my English very well, so I apologize for that lol. Did I proofread this? Just now, briefly. I wouldn't say I did, tho. Sorry!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I proofread this before falling asleep on my keyboard earlier this evening. I'm not sure.  
> I still apologize in advance. Will have to read and clean the mess after.

She thought all formalities had been left behind. Like a switch she had turned off of the life she had in the past to the one she had in the present, the one she was enjoying thoroughly – though brief. But she had been naïve to think it was easy to let go. 

For a small second, she allowed herself the opportunity to drift away and daydream. She closed her eyes and imagined she was again on that road trip through the country, that hot summer 12 years ago. With the sun on her back, tan lines of bikini stripes and the perfect soundtrack of an unforgettable season. 

The old stingray corvette, a red convertible like the flames of the bonfire. Like the desire and passion to break free of the norm, of the acceptance she sought from herself. Like the love she felt for the brunette that drove them down the desertic streets of the interstate. 

_ Golden hour.  _ The yellow glow outlining her body. Cheeks burning from the salty waves as the coast came to view. The wind ruffling her hair. Everything fell into place and she wanted to stop time and soak every inch of the moment. The unforgettable taste of summer.  _ Their summer. _

A small kick in her leg brought her back to reality, the grey reality she faced. The meeting with the same lawyers, for the same reasons, with the same outcomes. Nothing had changed since she left. Except her uterus was slowly going back to normal and her wasn’t carrying the weight of two humans. 

The somber reunion was taken place in a small room in the hospital, per request of  Agnarr Arendelle with the authority and power his name and status had. Across the room was him and Iduna, sitting next to Kai and Gerda Chamberlain, and two other people she didn’t know, couldn’t recognize. And next to Elsa was Honeymaren, the same girl driving the corvette with her hair flowing in the wind with the sun in her face and all those summer memories in their hearts. 

‘’Elsa?’’ She was again brought back to reality, her mind continued to drift away, refusing to focus on anything but the wonderful memories. She had no room for pain today. ‘’Are you paying attention?’’ 

The gentle voice of her mother reached out to her and she nodded, hiding the blush as best as she could. She wasn’t listening, not really. How could she? When her mind kept going back to the past and even further into the imaginary  future she had planned for them. It was better than the option of living in the present, which continued to be incredibly painful. 

‘’This is important Elsa. The security footage you requested from the hospital was a great addition to everything we have against Hans. I’m sure we can come to an agreement with the money’’  Agnarr spoke loudly with the same confidence he did when speaking as a CEO or Board Member. He wasn’t acting as a father but as a businessman, refusing to be stepped over. 

‘’How much is he asking?’’ Maren asked, her voice shy and soft. The blonde smiled, her eyes lighting up while looking at her. She felt  possessed by something else other than love, an enchantment perhaps. 

Kai searched through a few papers, until landing on one.  _ Jackpot _ . ‘’70% of Elsa’s assets’’ 

She remembered the night they spoke about a prenup and the possibility of getting one, how crushed he was that her family had even suggested something like that when they knew he had money too. They came to the agreement that they’d eventually get a postnup, after discussing the dynamics of the marriage. But it never came, the perfect moment never showed and only now she regretted the decision of not pushing the topic onto the table. 

But she’d give everything, all the money she had, every asset if it meant to have him out of her life. She’d change her life upside down to have the tranquility of a decent life. ‘’Give it to him’’ 

The  sincerity of the statement only generated a series of reactions, mostly negative. It was like letting him win, the pride of the Arendelle’s meant more than what he asked for. The Westergaard were nothing, had nothing in comparison with them and the fact that Elsa was even attempting to agree with him drove them even crazier. 

‘’Please, let’s calm down. Elsa, I don’t think that’s the wisest decision.  Of course there’s going to be some flexibility but give him 70%? That’s crazy talk. The highest we can offer is a 10% which is already a lot. You worth a lot’’ Kai explained with the calmness that represented him. A serene aura that soothed the room. 

But she still couldn’t find it in herself to care. ‘’Okay'' 

‘’What else are the terms he’s asking?’’  Iduna asked, leaning over the table in concentration. She knew there was a lot in stake besides the financial technicalities that she didn’t care much about. But hadn’t been present in most of the meetings, all due to her impulse decision of running away. No one reproached her for said choice but she knew it would turn against them at some point. Still, no matter how much bad things kept happening as a  consequence of leaving, she couldn’t find it in herself to regret it. Not really. It meant too much for her. 

One of Kai’s assistants handed him a notepad, which elicited a nod. ‘’Aside from the money, he’s requesting full custody of the child’’ 

That she knew.  Of course she knew. It wouldn’t be Hans if he hadn’t  asked for the custody of a child he didn’t even knew. And despite everything, she’d do anything to prevent that from happening. Even if it meant running away again, against the law. Because Hans being in charge of her little girl was not going to happen. 

‘’What assets does he want? We already share a bank account and some savings. Does he want the apartment?’’ The blonde asked, trying to change the subject that pained her too much. She was also incredibly curious about the nature of the request. He indeed had money of his own, not as much as she did which had always been an issue. Men and their ego. But still, he could afford the luxurious life he had, not for anything he had that double life. Her bitter thoughts kept creeping over and she fought the urge of throwing up. 

‘’He wants half of your ownership of ArenCorp, besides of the apartment and the cabin in Aspen of course’’ At the answer provided by Kai, Agnarr scoffed. 

She already owned a 25% of the entire corporation along with  Runeard , leaving aside the incomes she had as an individual with her own investments in outside companies. What he was asking was beyond reasoning and no sane lawyer would even attempt to try to win the case with such a weak base. But there was one, one sole lawyer who was shady and often questionable for the way he led his cases. Duke Weselton. 

The blonde had met him once at a conference. His small height but sharp gaze and lack of filter made her uncomfortable, the way her name rolled out of his tongue and how accusatory his words felt, she demanded right away to cut ties with them. It was for the same reason she wasn’t that surprised to find out he was the attorney chosen by Hans. She shook her head, clearing her mind from any thought, trying hard to focus back on the meeting. Her businesswomen façade failing her miserably. 

‘’Has anyone spoken to  Runeard ? I bet Hans trying to take advantage of the company won’t sit good with him’’  Iduna spoke, reaching out to Kai and  Agnarr . 

At the mention of the man Elsa tensed. It was a natural response, he still frightened her. And the thought that he was unaware of the whole situation terrified her more than the situation itself. His threatening words were still fresh, the fear of losing Maren too present and growing increasingly as she heard them  discussing the possibility of reaching out to him to let him know. 

Her breathing hitched, hands trembling in anticipation. But even before she could even allow her mind to spiral down into an inevitable panic attack, she felt a hand reaching out to her and squeeze gently. Her breathing closer to her ear, sending chills down her neck. ‘’Everything okay?’’ She turned to meet her worried eyes. 

‘’Not really’’ And though the whole being vulnerable and open about her feelings was new and not quite suitable, it did feel better than the alternative of shutting herself up and concealing her emotions, letting them build up until drowning in them. 

A small smile caught up in her lips at the sight of the brunette concerned eyes. And the sudden need to bolt out of the place and escape the two together with Maisie kept growing, increasingly with the force of a storm ready to destroy everything in order to accomplish its final mission. But was that what she really intended to do? Cause more pain to those that have lent a hand? 

The meeting was over before she knew it, though she prayed it was quicker. Being away from Maisie also caused her a great deal of anxiety. Separation anxiety, her therapist had commented over the phone hours prior. Though she physically couldn’t attend the sessions, the blonde made sure to reach out every time she needed the help and to not miss any facetime session. Technology had been a great help in times of great emotion distress.

Walking hand in hand with Maren down the halls of the hospital was relieving. Even comforting. The familiarity of the only thing that could and would make her rethink every possible decision or thought. It wasn’t just about Maisie or her anymore. Maren was in it too, that had made it clear. 

‘’Was she good?’’ Elsa asked once she stepped inside the NICU. Anna was sitting in the rocking chair cradling a sleeping peanut while Kristoff stood next to her. 

‘’I thought Lou was a chill baby but little  Mais just blew my mind’’ The blond commented, leaning over to kiss Anna’s head.

After the goodbyes were in order and the long round of thank yous from Elsa to the  Bjorgman’s , the three girls were left alone. 

It was a quiet evening, a little colder for their taste but nothing they could really feel inside the warm room. Elsa stood by the window, looking out as the dark clouds moved, covering the few rays of sun. The weather was so unpredictable she was convinced seasons didn’t exist in the always awake city.

But despite everything, there was a feeling of dread in her chest she couldn’t get rid of. Not even with the calmness of holding her little girl. Through the  reflection of the window she watched Maren approaching slowly. She stood next to her, closer but allowing the blonde the space she always craved and needed. At the end, she still knew her that well. 

‘’What’s going through that pretty head of yours?’’ Her voice was soft and warm, wrapping her up in a blanket of affection that forced her to smile. Their eyes met and she leaned over to kiss her briefly. But instead of pushing for an answer that Maren knew Elsa would eventually share, she just stood there. The comforting presence she’d always been. And that was enough. Maren had always been enough, despite everything. 

And though she was ready to share the roots of her concerns, they were interrupted by the doctors who came to give them an update on little peanut’s condition and hospital stay. Something she couldn’t really complain about, especially when it was only good news. Maisie was ready to go home tomorrow morning, with the proper care they were sure Elsa would provide. The little girl was a though warrior and all the tests had come clear, the recovery a success. It was just time to be showered in cuddles and love. 

But in between all the happy thoughts and excitement of finally having her baby all to herself, she couldn’t help but question her lack of planification and organization. Where would they stay? She could easily go back to the tiny apartment she had rented in the small town, a day away from the city. The apartment she called home for a few months and that almost resembled one. With the small kitchen and one bedroom. Cozy and safe.

Still, that wasn’t what they needed; what Maisie needed. She couldn’t keep running away fearing the worse or hiding from whatever possible pain life could bring. That was inevitable. Life was about pain but also about happiness, good moments and company. If she didn’t allow herself the vulnerability of the openness of her heart, she would never come to face those moments. And she needed them, needed to appreciate those small happy moments, not taking them for granted. 

They were left alone again, which felt relieving. A  burden growing as she started to plan out the next few steps carefully. She could ask Anna to take them in while she searched for something more stable. A temporary solution that somehow didn’t feel the right. 

Softs arms wrapped around her waist snapped her out of her overthinking. Her beautiful face leaning over her shoulder, the scent of vanilla lingering and calming her.  _ Miraculously _ . With their bodies pressed to the other she sought that familiarity she always craved, always had her wanting more. A warm kiss to her cheek; her breathing on her neck, sending chills down her body. ‘’Stay with me’’ 

_ It wasn’t a question, more like a plea. Filled with sincerity and devotion, with uncertainty and vulnerability. That. And yes, it felt right. She had always belonged to her anyway.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to change my writing station, from my room to the living room because I kept falling asleep. This is what fatigue looks like guys lol I'm not just being overly lazy, which I had been before haha this is me being sick. But luckily for us, now it's just about proofreading and adding a few details to the 90% finished chapters.   
> The story is finished, done, terminada.   
> And next chapter is one of my favorites hehe you'll see why.  
> The filler chapters are over.   
> We're in the endgame now!! (Wow, I reopened my unhealed Avenger's wound. I'll go cry in a corner brb)   
> Anyway, have a great sunday.   
> See ya next week!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: NSFW content ahead. 
> 
> ...
> 
> ...
> 
> You know it. *wink wink*

The day had started off earlier than expected. Maisie was discharged and ready to go home in the morning, around 10 am.  _ Home _ . A weird word for a place that held the closest thing she would call a family but that she was yet to make it seem like one. The last time she had set foot in that place had been for a goodbye and now it was welcoming them for what she deeply she hoped was forever. 

Anna – who had volunteered as the official baby buyer – had come the night before to get everything ready, the second bedroom turned into a temporary nursery with a small bassinet and clothing items safely stored. The same place Maisie slept, door wide open and baby monitors on, swaddled in her favorite blanket as rain kept pouring outside. The evening growing eternal with the grey clouds moving over the city. 

Elsa sat in the couch; eyelids closed and heavy with exhaustion. Her senses enhanced as she heard Maren’s movement around the apartment. It wasn’t just that, she could smell her perfume as she passed by her side. There was something comforting about her presence, something she couldn’t quite describe in words. Mainly because she was too tired to really think, her energy gone away as her child sucked every bit of it. 

‘’Here’’ The couch sank; a body pressed to her as she opened one eye. Maren was leaning over, holding a plate with dark chocolate cake in one hand and a fork with a small portion of it in the other. ‘’You should eat something’’ She suggested, genuine concern written on her face. 

She looked so innocent, sitting there with her shorts and sweatshirt, her hair loose in those long wavy strands. Tanned skin glimmering under the lighting of the living room and the fireplace, looking soft and clean. And Elsa just wanted her. No piece of cake, no matter if it was her favorite type. She was her favorite type and she wanted her now. 

_ Wow, the hormones were driving her insane.  _

The blonde opened her mouth, allowing to be fed. With the fork caught in between her lips she tasted the richness of the chocolate, removing the utensil and licking the remaining frosting from it. All while watching the brunette, a game she wanted to win so badly but was willing to lose. ‘’Mm, that was good’’ She moaned after chewing, placing the fork back on the plate as Maren kept looking at her with a blank expression that said more than she wanted to. 

In a second the plate was on the small coffee table and Maren’s lips on her, kissing Elsa for dear life. The blonde let out another soft moan as Maren bit her lower lip gently, parting her mouth and granting her tongue the access she so desperately sought. It was an intense battle of dominance yet Elsa allowed herself to submit, she wanted her badly and she’d do whatever to get it.

Her hands went to touch every inch of the brunette, tangling up in her long tresses and pulling softly, eliciting soft moans and sighs. She knew her, knew what she wanted and how she wanted it. How could she not? After so long, after everything they had gone through.  Of course she knew her. But now, she wanted to rediscover her again. Taste every inch of that skin that she knew, tasted so sweet. 

Maren’s mouth trailed kisses down her jaw, making its way to her neck, marking the spots she loved. While her pale hands reached under her sweatshirt to touch as much as skin as she could. ‘’Maren’’ She whispered her name, hearing the blessing moan that came from the depths of the brunette at hearing her name being called with such an intensity and openness. 

The brunette pulled away from Elsa’s neck, the absence making the latter frown. ‘’Do you want to stop?’’ 

‘’Hell no’’ And their mouths were connected again. ‘’But I want your sweatshirt off’’ At the demand the brunette chuckled, moving away from the blonde’s grasp and sitting in the couch again. She looked like a mess; her dark hair chaotically tangled up and her cheeks flushed from the passion. Sight that only  ignited her need.

_ She wanted her now.  _

‘’C’mon’’ Maren spoke, getting up and stretching her arm for Elsa who looked confused. ‘’The couch? We have a perfect bed waiting for us. And we’re taking the monitor’’ The brunette added while grabbing the technological device as she pulled the blonde and dragged her to the bedroom, not closing the door behind. 

Elsa was slowly led to the big  bedroom; one she already knew and was familiar with. The memories flooding her senses, all those times she had to  suppress the need to kiss her and have her to herself out of fear. How things had evolved and developed since then. She had her now, she was there now kissing her relentlessly as she was pushed to the bed softly. The blonde watched Maren take off the oversize sweater, going back to kiss her.

Her knees were on each side of her hips, straddling her and she lowered herself, grinding her hips against hers. The actions sent a shocking vibration up her frame, her body screaming for something else. Hands caressed her entire body as Maren’s mouth kissed her neck, moving down to her exposed collarbone, her hands gripping over the hem of the sweater. Their eyes met, her caramel ones requesting for permission and she nodded as the item was pulled out of the way and thrown somewhere she couldn’t see. Luckily for her, she wasn’t wearing anything other than her bra underneath. ‘’This simplifies things’’ 

‘’Anything to make your life easier’’ Elsa whispered, making Maren smile. 

But the brunette stood there, quietly looking at her without moving. Drinking in every inch of the blonde and for a second, she felt overly conscious of her state. She had been a mother a few weeks ago; her body was still the same, her skin hadn’t suffered any noticeable damage but she couldn’t help the need to cover herself up. But before she could do so, Maren leaned over to kiss her again. This time softer than before. ‘’Maren?’’ 

The brunette stopped, pulled apart from her but still inches from her lips. ‘’I’m going to kiss away every mark of abuse branded on your skin. Erase them and paint on the canvas that is your skin, with nothing but love, Elsa’’ Her pale hands reached behind her neck, pulling her down for a deep kiss that spoke more than words. It was filled with love and want, loyalty and passion. Every big and growing feeling for the brunette. 

The same pale hands traveled down her back with expertise, reaching the hem of the cotton shirt and pulling it up, discarding it to the side. Her tanned skin glowed with want and need, her mouth trailing kisses down her chest, sucking deeply in sensitive parts, drawing blood to the surface. Branding her like she was always supposed to be branded with. Not with bruises and pain, but with pleasure and love. 

Maren’s hands moved to her back, reaching out to unclasp her bra but Elsa stopped her. ‘’No, leave it’’ All the uncertainties she hadn’t felt came crashing down. 

‘’What?’’ 

Her cheeks turned red in  embarrassment and she sat up, looking away. ‘’I’m breastfeeding Maren, what were you expecting?’’ 

There was silence, so quiet it was deafening. She gulped, ashamed. ‘’Hey, look at me’’ The brunette’s hand reached out to her, grabbing her jaw and forcing her to lock eyes with those warm caramel eyes she loved. Full of unconditional love, like always. What else was she expecting? ‘’I want everything of you. If only, the fact you’re nourishing another human makes your hotter’’ 

At the comment Elsa smiled. ‘’Are you sure?’’ 

‘’I don’t really  know, I’ve never done it before. But I want you, Elsa. Hell! I love you and I want this, with you. Now or whenever you’re ready. What I don’t want is for you to feel insecure about it’’ She caressed her face, removing a few strands of hair and tucking them behind her ear. ‘’May I?’’ She asked, her hands resting on her shoulders. 

Elsa nodded a little unsure but fully aware that there was nothing to be afraid of with Maren there. The brunette pushed her back to the mattress as her hands reached out her back, unclasping the item and pulling it away. The brand-new experience making her nervous. ‘’You’re perfect, snowflake’’ Maren whispered before her mouth reached down to kiss her lips, her hands caressing her ribs and side of her breasts. 

Her kisses moved down, licking the sweet surface of her skin. Passing by her breasts to her navel as she teased her hips, biting slightly before sucking. Elsa moaned softly at the touches, the feeling of her tongue sliding on every inch of her skin. With her teeth, Maren grabbed the waistband of Elsa’s shorts teasingly, looking up to meet her gaze. The blonde desperate for the aching brushes of her body against her sensitive lower skin, her needy core that was dripping from the negligence of care and touch. ‘’Maren’’ Her voice came from within, in a futile attempt to seek the attention she wanted. 

The brunette looked up; her pupils dilated with lust as she smirked. Warm hands gripping the waistband and pulling down, the freeing sensation eliciting a choked gasp. She hadn’t just pulled the clothing item but also her underwear, which left her naked under her figure. The kissing moved further, now teasing the slit of her womanhood, her thighs and going back up to her hips. A grunt leaving Elsa’s mouth but dying down as the brunette went back down again, her hands opening her up as she arched for her touch. ‘’Maren’’ She whispered, trying to catch her attention but the brunette wouldn’t listen under the thumping of her own heartbeat. ‘’Maren’’ she tried again and the brunette looked up.

‘’Elsa?’’

‘’It’s too soon for everything to be inside’’ She whispered a little out of breath. Maren frowned, confused. ‘’Just make sure to stimulate from the outside, nothing can go inside yet. Doctor’s orders’’ 

Maren smiled. ‘’Just here?’’ She caressed the sensitive nub, eliciting a moan from the blonde who threw herself back to the mattress. 

‘’Fuck, yes’’ 

The words only worked as encouragement, as the brunette continued to rub circles on the sweet spot, moving up to kiss her lips. Her moans being drowned by her mouth, as they tasted each other again. Her pale hand gripping down the covers and the other roaming up and down the brunette’s body. She wanted her too, to have a little of what she was having. 

Her lower stomach kept tightening and intensity building up, as Maren pulled away from her, moving down her navel and planting kissing on her way. She was panting and gasping, her body desperately finding that release, that only intensified when the brunette’s mouth pressed against her bud, a gasp escaping her mouth. ‘’Honey’’

Yet the only thing the woman did was increase her pace, taking Elsa to the edge of that release as a deep moan escaped the confines of her slim frame, her body shaking with the intensity as she saw white, panting loudly. Maren guided her through her orgasm, kissing her way up to meet her mouth again. ‘’I love you’’ She whispered. 

‘’I love you too’’ The blonde replied, panting. She turned look at the brunette who was lying next to her. ‘’So much’’ And started planting kisses on her mouth and jaw, sucking on the spots she already knew where her favorites and drove her crazy. The pulse point on her neck, below her collarbone, above her breasts. It wasn’t new territory but she was so glad to be touching her again. 

With the same expertise she used to have, she removed her bra. Leaning over her, her mouth going over her nipples, sucking softly and licking, all while watching Maren gasping and panting at the touch. The trailed wet kisses down her torso, biting and sucking, licking and blowing air, the memory still fresh from every moment they got to spend together in bed, every moment of making love. 

She knew the brunette was more than ready from doing her, and without much work she removed her clothing items, kissing her way down and licking her slit. She heard her moan which elicited a moan from her, as she sucked and bit slightly on her nub. With her tongue she teased her entry, one, two, three times. ‘’Please, Elsa’’ 

‘’What do you want?’’ The blonde asked while her thumb kept circling her bud. ‘’Tell me’’ 

The brunette looked down. ‘’You. Inside, snowflake’’ The nickname made her smile as she inserted two fingers inside, slow. So slow it was torture. ‘’Faster’’ And the blonde complied, increasing her pace as her tongue went back to her bud. ‘’Fuck’’ 

The scene was all too familiar, bringing many memories hidden and locked away. Memories of winter nights locked in her bedroom trying to warm each other out, trying to discover everything about the other. The sound of her moans and her name being called out filled her chest with love, the act of making someone feel so good under her touch, providing that. 

Maren arched her body, granting more access for her fingers to fully reach that bundle of nerves and it wasn’t long until Elsa was able to feel her walls tightening around her, the body of the brunette shaking as she moaned her name from the depths of her soul.

She kissed her way up, much like she had done earlier and they shared a deep yet tender kiss. Her arms wrapping around the brunette’s neck as they rolled on the bed, giggling like teenagers. ‘’I could get used to this’’ Maren spoke in between their cuddling and kissing. Their naked bodies pressed against each other; legs intertwined. ‘’You in my bed... naked’’ 

‘’With the post-coital glow’’ Elsa added smiling and kissing her again. Through the baby monitor a small fuzzy baby caught their attention, followed by a soft cry. 

Maren laughed. ‘’And a baby in the  apartment ’’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who allowed the Grey-Aro/Ace girl with only straight relationships to write this lesbian smut-ish content??!!
> 
> It's easier to post the already written stories than force myself to go through my to do list. So, here I am.   
> First ever attempt at writing something like this, though I have read plenty hehe I won't fool ya. This is new territory that makes me awfully comfortable, maybe I'll start exploring it more. We shall see haha dang it. 
> 
> And yes, I was listening to the fifty shades playlist because while the movies are not quite excellent, the music is. C'mon, Sia? Ellie? The Weeknd? DA QUEEN B? Exactly. And I needed to get in the mood while being quarantined. It is what it is.
> 
> That's all my friends, see ya soon. 
> 
> (Oh, I still need to review this but not today. Let's do it tomorrow, I enjoy typos too much. Call me procrastiKate. Wow, that was lame)


	23. Chapter 23

It was dark, saved for the small nightlight that illuminated the small bassinet next to her side of the bed where her little peanut slept, soft snores leaving her small mouth as indicator of a peaceful slumber. The one she was yet to accomplish though she knew her body was desperate for the rest, exhaustion reaching down to her very core. But there were many thoughts invading her mind, forbidding her the break. 

Among them was the  increasingly need of watching over her child every second of the day, the assurance and protection she had under the care of professional healthcare workers would never compare to what she could offer and the thought only increased her anxiety. But what else could she do other than spend the nights watching over her? When the possibility of drifting off to sleep and not hear her little girl ask for help felt too real? She knew those terrifying thoughts and fears weren’t isolated and particular of her anxious persona but more of a  first-time mother, something everyone went through. That still didn’t help. 

A warm hand passed by her waist, under her cotton long sleeve shirt. Seeking that warmth, that comfort. ‘’I can hear you over-thinking’’ She mumbled while pressing her body closer to her back, her head coming to rest on the crook of her neck, kissing her tenderly over the junction of her jaw and neck. 

‘’Not tired’’ She replied softly, her eyes still fixed on the sleeping infant. 

The brunette smiled as she kept planting kisses on her neck, sucking softly on her pulse point which elicited a soft sigh from the blonde. The latter rolled to her back as Maren climbed on top of her, straddling her by the hips while kissing her passionately. Yet Elsa couldn’t think of anything but her exhausted and agonizingly unresponsive body. A sob escaped from the depths of her throat, unforgiving and the brunette stopped, pulling apart. ‘’I’m sorry’’ 

The words only encouraged the tears to fall as she sobbed louder. Maren looked bewildered – and a little scared – as she stroked the blonde’s face. ‘’It’s okay, snowflake’’ 

‘’I’m sorry, it’s just... I’m so damn tired’’ And highly ashamed at her dramatic antics that couldn’t really be prevented due to her hormones. She caught a glimpse of the brunette smiling at her, kissing her softly and moving to sit on the mattress, pulling the blonde in a tight hug, closer to her chest. 

‘’There’s nothing to be sorry for. If you’re so tired, then why don’t you sleep?’’ She asked while rubbing circles on her back but the blonde shook her head fast. 

‘’I can’t. I need to keep an eye on Mais’’ She really couldn’t fall asleep, though her eyelids felt heavy and burned with every blink. 

Maren sighed. ‘’How about I keep an eye on her for a few minutes while you sleep. I’m sure she’ll be okay. Besides, we’re both here right next to her in case she needs us’’ She reassured her while holding her tightly in her arms, the comfort provided was enough for Elsa to succumb to the very needed rest that had been desperately reaching out to her but getting no answer back. And in seconds she was asleep.

It was morning when she woke up, not feeling particularly rested but better than before. The sky was still raging as rain kept pouring down, dark clouds hovering. She felt a little disoriented as she sought the brunette’s presence next to her but found emptiness. The sheets cold with her absence. To her left the bassinet was empty as well and she sighed, her heart beating fast as she felt alone. The two girls she wanted to have were gone. 

Though the weather outside was cold, inside was warm. She padded softly to the living room wearing her shorts and shirt, as yesterday events with Maren still had her body feeling sore. That was the real Maren treatment she always wanted. 

She could smell the coffee, her  mouthwatering at the forbidden beverage. Her eyes scanned the place, landing on the woman by the window, looking out as she held a  wide-awake Maisie. Her hair was loose, cascading down her back. A tight shirt and some sweatpants had Elsa feeling aroused, roaming down the brunette’s body as she held her daughter. The hottest sight she had seen. If it wasn’t for the child, she would have her right there. 

‘’Morning’’ Elsa greeted as she approached them, hugging the woman from behind, her chin resting above her shoulder. The little girl looked up in search of her mother’s voice as she continued to suck on her hand. ‘’How long have you been up?’’ 

‘’Not long, we thought you could use the rest. There was milk in the fridge so she’s been fed already’’ The brunette commented with a grin, leaning to the side to give a small peck on Elsa’s lips. ‘’Did you sleep well?’’ 

The blonde smiled, pulling away and moving to the kitchen, turning the kettle on. ‘’I don’t think I’ll ever get my sleep back but I do feel better. Thanks to you’’ 

‘’No problem’’ The brunette replied while pacing around the room rocking Maisie. Elsa beamed at the sight, her chest growing with warmth. She wanted this life, forever. With that woman by her side they could face anything together. 

She allowed herself to dream about the future. A house with a big yard, the sun gleaming in the sky. The grass green and freshly cut. Big trees and lots of flowers adorning the fence; toys scattered all over the place, bikes under the treehouse by the swings and slides. Their kids running aroun- 

_ What? Kids? As in multiple? More than one? _ She swallowed, shaking her head and forcing herself back to reality. Her cheeks red as she held a tight grip around her warm mug of lukewarm tea. She never thought of having a family with Maren that involved more children than Maisie. Or any children at all. Back when they were young, they talked about a future together but never specified what, never spoke about marriage or children. It was something that felt too foreign and far away, they had other goals. Living together, traveling and just enjoying each other’s company. Life had a funny way of turning around. 

Her phone buzzed by the coffee table and Maren handed it to her, as she spoke softly to Maisie. The ID showed the face of her father. 

‘Hello?’ She answered, her eyes still glued on Maren who kept rocking the infant. ‘Dad?’ 

‘Elsie! How are you? How’s Maisie?’ He asked right away, his voice distant. He was probably driving. 

She frowned. ‘Good, we’re good. Where are you?’ He never called while driving. In fact, he rarely called. It wasn’t something he liked to do. He either showed up at your place, sent a text or an email. But calling while driving? That was a definitely no. The I-stick-to-the-laws  Agnarr would never. 

‘Driving back home. Had an emergency meeting at the office. Nothing bad. But hey, your grandfather’s arriving tomorrow! How about you join us for dinner?’ The comment – though innocent – caused Elsa’s heart to stop, her face blank and turning pale. The last thing she wanted was to see the man, let alone spend a whole dinner with him. And the thought of introducing him her child was out of limits. 

‘No, we can’t make it. I can’t take Maisie out and I don’t feel like leaving her alone’ She replied, hoping her excuse was enough for him. 

And it was as he sighed,  disappointed . ‘You’re right. We’ll miss you! I’ll pass by later with your mother to see you girls, she’s been complaining about how much she misses you. And I do too’ 

‘Okay, we’ll be right here’ 

She ended the call feeling sick, her stomach tightening as she sprinted to the bathroom to throw up the breakfast she had just eaten. She felt disgusted by Runeard, even if his presence was nothing but memories and ghosts of the past. Her hair was pulled back as Maren leaned behind, rubbing circles in her back. ‘’It’s okay, you’re okay’’ 

‘’I’m sorry’’ She replied while leaning back. ‘’Where’s Maisie?’’ 

At the inquiry Maren gasped, looking  frantically around followed by a chuckle. ‘’ DockATot in the bed, right outside. I can see her from here’’ 

The blonde nodded, getting up and moving to the sink, brushing her teeth and washing her face. The coolness of the water calming her. She walked out, stepping into the bedroom where Maren laid with Maisie. She threw herself softly next to them as the child searched for her mother. ‘’How can someone so tiny be hungry all the time?’’ 

She took the infant, cradling her and attaching her to her breast as she looked up to meet the concern eyes of the brunette. ‘’What happened?’’ 

The blonde sighed. ‘’ Runeard’s coming tomorrow’’ 

‘’Is that it?’’ Maren asked a little puzzled. ‘’Are you afraid because of us or...?’’ 

She sighed again. ‘’Well yes but that’s not all. I planned on telling you that day but... I don’t really know how to say it’’ 

She mentioned in therapy the reasons behind Maren’s decision of leaving her a decade ago. How  Runeard had affected their lives and what his presence had done to them. But she never really got the chance to go over the situation that happened that  Monday morning in his office months ago, the threatening words and harsh truths. She was too ashamed of it, of the family she had and the life she got. And she had been angry at everyone for not really noticing the type of man he was. Angry at her parents for not realizing of it, for allowing him to damage her by ending her relationship with Maren. But all those feelings were again repressed and now she didn’t know what to do with them. 

The gentle squeeze she got from the woman she loved – the one that not only provided the security and comfort she wanted but the love and company she needed – worked as encouragement for her to seek the words within her to find the explanations and reach out to her. It was the only way she had to work through this issue and not let it consume her like the many times she had allowed it in the past. She had changed, that she knew. 

‘’Remember that first night we slept together after seeing each other for the first time in a decade?’’ the brunette nodded. Elsa continued. ‘’I was at the bar because I had argued with Hans over this issue about some exchange of personal information between him and  Runeard , private information about my investments in outside companies. Well, the day after that we had a birthday celebration for him, very private and familiar. But he arrived with his powerful friends and everything went downhill when he announced I was the new CEO without consulting me first.’’

Maren was frowning, confused. ‘’What did Hans had to do with that?’’ 

‘’I found out he wasn’t sharing my personal information but his, because he knew before me about  Runeard’s plan of making me CEO. I got that all wrong and they had their own deal that I really had nothing to do, which I’m grateful for. But I was so angry at him for not giving a heads up about it, for putting his own granddaughter in the spotlight. I quit my job that night, after losing my temper’’ Elsa added, shrugging casually. Reminiscing about those months wasn’t something she wanted to do but needed to and knowing that she had Maren’s support made her feel better. 

‘’You did what?!’’ She was shocked but also incredibly amused. ‘’I wish I would’ve seen that’’ 

The blonde rolled her eyes, smiling softly at her. ‘’Anyway, he basically forced a meeting the following Monday to talk about it and I went there. It went really bad, worse than I could’ve expected’’ She gulped at the fresh memory. ‘’He hinted a few times what he had done ‘’for me’’ by getting rid of things that had been inadequate for me, such as being with a woman.  _ You _ . He said bad things and I just couldn’t take his verbal abuse any longer. I handed him my resignation, my mind was set and I felt at peace with the decision. But he threatened me, using Anna. He asked me things in exchange for Anna’s overall safety’’

‘’What?’’ The brunette asked softly, her eyes moving to the now sleeping infant in Elsa’s arms. ‘’What things?’’ 

Elsa smiled softly, her eyes filling with tears. ‘’I had to deny the conversation, which was the easiest thing to do. Accept the position as CEO and bear a child. Those were the terms’’ Her eyes went to her little girl that slept peacefully, her pale finger stroking softly her rosy cheek. ‘’I didn’t know I was pregnant then’’ 

The silence in the room lingered for a few minutes as Elsa refused to meet Maren’s gaze, her eyes focused on peanut. It felt dizzying, the sudden lack of air and need to step out the room. But the rain kept pouring  relentlessly and she couldn’t keep running away. ‘’Look at me’’ 

And she did. She met those wonderful eyes that held her soul and heart, that contained every single drop of hope of a future and a present she needed and wanted. The love and warmth, the wisdom and growth of a feeling she couldn’t explain but could definitely feel. ‘’I am’’ 

‘’I’m not leaving again, no matter who or what happens. I’m here for the long run, for eternity. So, let’s not worry about that for a second’’ Her words reached out for her, putting her mind to rest on that specific topic she always feared. ‘’I’m grateful you decided to tell me about that and I’m sorry you had been  carrying that burden alone. I’m so mad I could-’’ She bit her lower lip  frustrated; her right hand grasping the sheet. ‘’Let’s calm down. Your grandfather sucks, Elsa. But that’s not something we didn’t know. The question now is what do you want to  do? Tell your parents about it or just wait and see what happens?’’ 

Thought the options didn’t seem tempting, she still needed to make a choice. Telling her parents would be the right thing to do but no one could foresee the reaction they would have, what effects it could have to the case they were trying to build against Hans. It could pretty well backfire. ‘’We should wait. I want to wait for now. I know  Runeard sucks but he can help us win against Hans and that’s all I care for now. Maisie and you. After we win, after I get my child back, we leave Honey. We take our things and we leave this damn city’’ 

_ The brunette smiled, leaning closer and kissing her deeply. She would be happy anywhere, as long as she had her small family by her side. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hello, it's been so long.   
> No, I didn't forget about this.   
> Yes, I'm back on schedule and will be posting again this week. When? Maybe friday? totally depends of my mood lol  
> It's been a crazy week. Fuck covid. 
> 
> Anywayyyyyyyy, we are legit reaching the end and I'm a little empty. But this girl is working on more things and will be posting other stuff *insert eyes emoji* hehehehe   
> And yes, Runeard is back. It'll get a little chaotic, maybe a little angsty but all good. 
> 
> Yep, that's all.   
> I hope you're staying healthy and safe.   
> Have a great week!


	24. Chapter 24

Throughout her life she had done a few things that would fall under the category of ‘rebellious child’ which wasn’t particularly true. She was the image of a perfect kid. Grew up with the heavy burden of reaching up to the expectation – not only set by her parents but by everyone surrounding her. Especially her grandfather.

For a small fraction of her life she had wanted to become that perfect child, wanted to be that obedient, peaceful, quiet and smart girl he expected her to be. The praises she would get from him, from everyone, she realized weren’t that nice and deserving. She wanted to be more, wanted to be herself, wanted to not fit the mold for once and just let go of that poster child image they forced her into. 

That was the motivation that got her to take the decision of getting her first piercing at the age of 15. Belly button with a small butterfly dangling. Not the best decision she made but it surely felt great when that summer at the beach house she got to show off her acquisition and watch everyone faint from the shock. It didn’t last long as she was forced to take it off. She didn’t complain much though, as it got quickly infected and had to take antibiotics. 

Still, the freeing sensation of doing whatever she wanted to do felt nice but was never attempted again in the public eye. Everything else went unnoticed by her family. Her first boyfriend at 16 her first time with him while underage and clearly unqualified for such a responsibility – according to them, of course. Or her first sneak outs from the house to high school parties, or sneak in boyfriends and more than friends. Every experience felt refreshing, hidden under their very noses. 

But the thing she got to enjoy the most, the one that felt utterly terrifying and exciting, that caught her off-guard and was unable to stop was the falling in love with Honeymaren Nattura. _A girl._ Someone who she wanted to have as a friend but ended up being more than that even if she deeply wanted to deny it. But she couldn’t deny her feelings for her. The brunette who had claimed her heart with such a strength it was mind-blowing. 

The same terrifying feeling was the one that drove her to come out to her family in a futile attempt to share her excitement and feel accepted. But one that backfired as the doors closed on her face and the discussion led her to get in her car and drive out of the city, back to college. It was frightening but she had the only support she needed and that was Maren’s. She felt accepted in the arms of her small family, with Ryder and Yelena. 

She always felt that small resentment towards her parents for not showing public support towards her eldest, the always perfect daughter who never complained about anything and always did as told. It felt like a stab wound with the knife still on, one that prevented her from fully bleeding to death but still caused her enough pain. She wanted that  acknowledgment from her folks, the ones that had protected her and provided her the care in the past but for a reason she couldn’t quite understand had refused to provide it publicly. 

That same grudge accompanied her throughout the development of the relationship with the brunette, while it grew stronger and stronger, it got them closer and turned her into the only family she needed. At the end, it drove her away from her parents. Something that deeply pained her and still struggled with. She loved them, couldn’t deny that. But that burning feeling in the back of her mind kept bothering her, kept igniting the longer she tried to ignore it. 

Why couldn’t they protect her against  Runeard ? Were they afraid of him too? Maybe they were just genuinely ashamed of her and the relationship she had with  Honeymaren . Though that thought felt a little stupid, they never once complained about it. Never once said anything, treated her poorly or even looked at her the wrong way. 

She couldn’t help but drown in the cascade of never-ending thoughts as she watched her parents playing with her daughter. Her quiet persona blending in with the background as the shadows of her past pulled her back, dragging her to unwanted places. Still, she couldn’t help the wondering. 

‘’Elsie?’’ Her mother called her out and she turned to  meet her soft gaze, the same one she remembered. ‘’You’re awfully quiet’’ 

‘’I’m just tired, that’s all’’ She lied, though in the very far end of the room she could sense the burning gaze of the woman that could read her like an open book. The one she wouldn’t dare to meet.

The visit was short, mostly to share about the dinner with  Runeard that had taken place the night before. How things had gone after sharing the news about Elsa’s situation with Hans and the unexpected arrival of Maisie. Where did the old man stood regarding that, the suggestions he had made and what was the next step. Which was unsurprisingly a meeting. Set for the following Monday. 

Her parents left and they were alone again in the comfort of their home, in the arms of the woman she loved.

She felt a little overwhelmed with all the overthinking she had done. Her therapy session was schedule for tomorrow evening and she still felt a little anxious about waiting for it. The feeling of losing control sending her into panic mode which was quickly soothed by the charm and magical words and warmth of the brunette. 

They were curled up in the couch, the sky getting darker and the room illuminated by the fireplace. ‘’Are you sure you’re okay?’’ 

The blonde sighed, a small smile growing. ‘’Now that I’m alone with you I am’’ She moved to face the brunette, her legs parting to  straddle the woman underneath her. Pale hands resting on top of her shoulders as they kissed passionately and desperately. Elsa rocked her hips against the brunette’s, eliciting a soft sigh, as her tanned hands roamed the length of her back, coming to rest in her rear. But the foreplay was quickly interrupted by her overwhelming need to cry. 

The same scene played a few nights ago was happening and on top of the turmoil of feelings, she was adding guilt to them. Why? for not being able to provide to Maren. ‘’Els?’’ 

‘’I don’t know what’s wrong with me’’ The blonde  sobbed on Maren’s  shoulder; her arms wrapped around the figure that always granted her that needed calmness. ‘’I’m so overwhelmed and I swear I want to do this’’ 

The brunette chuckled, a little surprised by the sudden outburst. ‘’We don’t have to do anything, Elsa. I’m okay with just having you here with me, I swear. I can wait, don’t worry about me. But I need to know why are you feeling so overwhelmed. And don’t tell me it’s because of this, I know something’s wrong. I know you’’ 

Elsa pulled away, still sitting on top of Maren. ‘’It’s  everything, I guess.  Runeard’s return that keeps me irritated. Hans’ with his demands and the sudden sensation that things are about to explode in my face’’ 

A twisted feeling that kept her restless, despite the stable presence of the woman. It felt like the grasp she held on everything kept slipping despite her efforts of keeping it tight. A hunch that kept her alert, on the edge. It was silly, she knew it probably was yet couldn’t force herself to ignore it. 

‘’You’ve gone through a lot, Elsa. It’s okay to feel like this, suspicious of the calm before the storm. But don’t let it consume you or stop you from enjoying the rest. Whatever happen will happen, whether you want it or not. And if it does, we will face it together’’ A rogue strand of hair was tucked behind her ear, a tender action that alleviated her tension. 

A knock on the door snapped them out of their conversation. They shared a confused look before Maren sat straight, Elsa getting up. ‘’Are we expecting someone?’’ 

‘’No one can enter the building without the passcode. It’s probably just a neighbor’’ She retorted, still frowning. The blonde nodded, making her way to the main door. Though inside wasn’t cold, outside it was and opening up the door always felt like a painful change of temperature. Maren softly moved to the master bedroom to close the door, preventing the coldness to seep and reach the small infant that peacefully slept. ‘’Hey, put this on’’ The brunette stopped her as she threw her an old sweatshirt. 

When she opened the door, the last person she expected to see was her grandfather standing tall, waiting calmly. His posture the same as always, rigid and stiff.  _ Powerful _ . He nodded at her as she sucked in a breath, her heart clenching in her chest. ‘’What are you doing here?’’ 

‘’Is that how you greet your grandpa, pumpkin?’’ His voice still held the same intensity as before. Resonating through the entire apartment as the blonde sensed Maren moving to the bedroom. Shielding the one thing they cared the most. 

‘’Don’t answer my question with another’’ The reply though harsh felt nothing compared to the bitter words she wanted to spill to him. 

He smiled, wickedly. The same smile she had noticed Hans shared, a trait in common for two sociopaths who wanted nothing but for people to submit to them. ‘’I was a little shocked about the news I was told last night. News I should’ve known before. You had a daughter, you’re getting a divorce and now, you’re living with  _ her _ ’’ That her had a name and if he thought for a second he would come into her home and spit venom, speak ill of the woman she loved, then he was damn wrong.

‘’You still haven’t answered my question’’ Her tone remained neutral, despite the rage expanding through her body. 

‘’You’re not going to let me inside? Are you going to have your grandpa explain this new offer he has for you in the coldness of the hallway?’’ She considered her options carefully as she glanced to her side, searching the comfort of her lover. Maren nodded, not moving from her position by the main door. ‘’I know she’s there, no need to hide Miss Nattura’’ 

Elsa moved to the side, letting him in. ‘’I’m not hiding, just making sure you know you’re invading our home’’ The brunette sounded awfully calm, the façade of the successful lawyer coming out to play.

‘’Are you guarding something? Or someone?’’ He asked with a smirk on his face. But his threatening posture and gesture didn’t scare her, quite the opposite, only encouraged her stand. 

Runeard took a seat on the couch as Elsa sat in front, her gaze never leaving him. She wasn’t good at reading people, that had been stated before. She was overly confident in their attitudes and intentions or just plainly doubtful of them. No  in-between . And with him, it was no different. ‘’Lay your cards, please’’ 

‘’As you wish, Miss Arendelle’’ He commented while taking a cigar from his pocket. ‘’Is it okay if I...?’’ 

The blonde’s face fell. ‘’There’s a newborn in this apartment, of course you can’t’’ 

He raised his hands, defeated. ‘’Elsa, we both want the same. For Hans to stop meddling in our business. Yours is rather personal, mine is more than that. We had other issues that are more private, nothing you should know about. Regardless, we want him out. My offer is to unite against him. I’ll help you, use my contacts, my power, everything I can to make sure he stays out of your life for good and out of your child’s too’’ 

Though the offer seemed tempting, she couldn’t help but feel there was something he wanted in return. Something she knew was bigger. He wasn’t one to do charity just for the sake of it, that she knew. She eyed the brunette, seeking that confirmation. ‘’What do you want in return?’’ 

‘’Once you win full custody, I want you gone. You take your investments, some money, your child, your...  _ her _ and leave. I don’t care where but away. Forever’’ She gulped, her heart tightening in her chest. She might have suggested to leave before, to take her small family away and just leave for good but she didn’t mean to leave everything behind. She made a promise not  to leave her sister, never again. She just couldn’t do that to her, couldn’t put her through that suffering again. And her parents, she couldn’t leave them now. Especially knowing how important Maisie was to them. It was too much, a decision that felt too big for her. 

She shook her head slightly, biting the inside of her mouth forcing herself not to cry. ‘’You don’t think my parents are going to ask questions about this? The sudden disappearance of their daughter?’’ 

‘’I’ll take care of that’’ He replied right away. ‘’Everything’s been planned out, you don’t have to worry about a thing’’ But she was worried and mostly, she was scared. 

Her eyes filled with tears as she frowned,  frightened . ‘’Why do want this?’’ 

He looked away, not able to look at her anymore. ‘’I’ve given you every possibility to become the woman you were supposed to be. Great education, money,  connections . You had a great husband for god’s sake! But you always manage to screw everything up, right? I can’t have you  tainting the family name anymore’’ 

‘’Don’t talk to her like that’’ Maren rushed to stop his harsh words. 

‘’This is your fault! You should’ve stayed away from her!’’ He raised his voice as he got up from the couch. Yet Elsa couldn’t focus on anything else but the awful realization of what she needed to do. The painful decisions she needed to do. 

The main door was slammed shut as  Honeymaren panted from the frustration. The small cries of Maisie echoed in the quiet apartment yet the blonde was unable to hear outside of the turmoil of feelings that kept spiraling in her mind. Maren rushed to hold the baby, rock her back to sleep as Elsa kept thinking of how much she wanted to turn back time. 

_ Maybe coming back had been a terrible idea. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo   
> I'm in such a good mood I thought... Why don't I update hehe and here I am.   
> Yep, there's a small angsty storm coming but it won't be thaaaat bad. I won't break elsamaren apart, so don't panic.   
> No more spoilers for y'all, gotta kept the suspense lol 
> 
> That's all, see ya soon.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Brief ''scene'' including physical violence.

If there was the smallest of hope for the weather to improve, that had slowly decreased sometime that week. The storm was coming full speed, bringing coldness, rain and gushes of wind. Powerful enough to shake the ground. A very rare event but not entirely unfamiliar for the always calm  metropolis . It felt like a strange similarity between the reality she was facing, the way it had unfolded in a chaotic way. How the fear and hunches turned to be accurate. The calm before the storm had been extremely good and no one had foreseen the devastating effects if would have for her. 

The morning was dark, heavy with the affairs that she needed to take care of. Dread creepy up her body and settling deep in her chest, the same body that had been unresponsive the past few days. She had been terrified of doing anything or feeling much but couldn’t find it in herself to stop. 

‘’Elsa, you need to get ready’’ The bed sunk, a body pressed in her back shaking her shoulder as she hid under the covers. The protection she had from the outer world that kept dragging her to the inevitable reality. But the scent of the woman she loved blended deep in the sheets of their bed, feeding her of that solace she always sought in her. ‘’Please?’’ 

She threw the covers back with a grunt as she drank the image of the brunette that was standing by the side of the bed, the dim light of the outside illuminating the outlines of her figure. She was breathtakingly gorgeous in the formality the attire provided. High waisted black pants with a white blouse that fit her perfectly as she braided her hair to the side. The blonde crawled up to her and pulled her to the bed as she yelped. ‘’Let’s stay in bed’’ 

‘’Your childish antics are concerning me, Elsa’’ The brunette frowned while eyeing the blonde who was kneeling in bed still wearing her pajamas. ‘’Go take a shower, you know today’s an important day’’ 

Elsa pouted. ‘’You’re no fun’’ 

After taking the shortest shower, drying her hair and straightening it, she moved to the bedroom where Maren had laid the outfit for Elsa to wear. She smiled at the gesture, though small meant a lot. Something less to worry about. A  black sweater tucked in plaid wool mini skirt completed with black tights and black heeled pumps. A casual look yet effective, though not so much for breastfeeding. She applied some makeup and exited the bedroom to find the brunette holding Maisie and moving around the room while feeding her. Their eyes met and a smile grew on her face. ‘’I’m rethinking the whole stay in bed thing’’ 

‘’Too late, I already put  these damn tights ’’ Elsa replied while moving to caress the infant’s head. ‘’I’m nervous’’ 

‘’About?’’ The brunette asked while putting the bottle on the kitchen counter and placing the baby on her shoulder, patting her back softly. 

Elsa pouted. ‘’Leaving her’’ The words were followed by a small burp as the brunette moved her around. Maisie smiled, milk coating the muslin square with the liquid. ‘’Nice, Mais’’ 

There was a knock on the door and the blonde moved to open it. Ryder was standing there, carrying a few bags and smiling widely. ‘’ Aren !’’ He engulfed her in the warmest hug, the bags placed on the floor. ‘’Still looking as beautiful as ever’’ 

‘’Ry, you’re still the same dork as always’’ He looked the same Ryder that would bake at midnight just for the sake of it. The one who would listen to their rants or force them to participate in his projects. His blue eyes  shining brightly at the sight of her sister cradling the small baby. 

‘’Such a gentleman as always, Ryder’’ The voice of a woman forced Elsa to turn around with a big smile. Yelena, the woman who – with no hesitations nor  restrictions – welcomed her into their family, was standing by the  entrance . ‘’Look at you’’ 

This time it was the blonde who jumped to hug the old woman, feeling the warmth spreading through her body as everything felt right in that moment. Though she knew Yelena wasn’t a very soft-spoken and easy with words, she had been a great support the  entirety of their  relationship back then. A parental figure, someone she could turn to if she needed to. ‘’I’m sorry for making you come all the-’’

The woman raised her hand, shushing the blonde. ‘’You didn’t make me. I came willingly. Look at that tiny thing there’’ Her harsh tone turned softer as she moved to see Maisie, who was wide awake and smiling.  Of course she would be smiling at the attention.  _ That stinker. _ Yelena quickly took the baby away from Maren’s arms and sat on the couch, cooing at the child. 

They shared an amused look but shrugged, nonetheless. ‘’Okay, Ryder. The schedules are on the fridge, the rest on the counter. Emergency numbers, anything you need. There’s the number of the head of security there too, in case something happens’’ Elsa started, while going through her mental list of things. ‘’There’s security posted outside too, the codes for them are written there too. If they don’t tell you that, don’t open that door. Fuck’’ 

Ryder patted her arm. ‘’It’s going to be okay,  Aren . I’ll protect the baby with my life if it comes to that. Though if I were them, I’d be more worried about messing with that old woman than myself’’ He pointed at Yelena who was still rocking Maisie. 

‘’Yeah, I know. I’m freaking out. But, call me. If you call me, I’ll answer right away and fly to get here’’ She added while approaching her daughter. She kneeled in front of Yelena, kissing Maisie’s head. ‘’Mama will be back soon’’ 

‘’Go woman! She’ll be asleep most of the time, don’t worry. Just kick that man’s ass because if you don’t, then I’ll do it’’ Yelena said, making them laugh. The blonde shook her head, looking up to meet the brunette’s gaze as she stretched her hand for Elsa to grab. And they left together. 

The arrival of  Runeard Arendelle to town had been awful for Elsa but quite beneficial for the case. Hans’ lawyers agreed to reunite and come to an agreement before taking anything to court, per request of the magnate. Meeting that was set in the 53 rd floor of Arendelle Corp. 

The last time Elsa had walked through those doors had been a few weeks ago, carrying the news of Maisie. She had not been recognized, which she was grateful for. Her outfit provided her that incognito mask she wore so well. But now, she couldn’t really hide. Not when she was back to her formal attire that resembled the CEO everyone was so familiar with. 

It was a week day, which meant people were working and the offices were full. And she was at full exposure of them, as she strode through the foyer with the brunette by her side, hand in hand. Her steps were confident, the black blazer draped over her shoulders moving with each step. She stepped into the empty elevator with the brunette and waited for the door to close to exhale. 

‘’That was hot’’ Maren commented, licking her lips as she eyed the blonde. ‘’The place went quite when you stepped in, everyone turned to look at you. I’m feeling aroused. Fuck’’ 

Still, Elsa was unable to reply without gulping first. ‘’Stop that. Not when I can’t take you right here’’ 

Their eyes met, the lust in the brunette’s caramel ones had her feeling  weak . One more lick of her lips and she’d be on her knees, tasting the life out of her. The door of the elevator opened on the 12 th floor and they pulled apart. ‘’We can take another elevator so you can finish whatever you were having’’ The redhead’s voice filled the space. 

‘’Anna’’  Iduna nudged her youngest daughter as they turned around, facing away from the couple. Elsa’s cheeks were red in  embarrassment as she looked down, still being able to hear the soft chuckles from Maren. 

After the awkward elevator ride, they reached their destiny. The place seemed different though it was still the same.  Agnarr was waiting for them down the hall. ‘’They’re inside waiting for us’’ And they  disappeared into the large meeting room. Yet Elsa stood frozen to her spot, her body trembling in anticipation and fear. She closed her eyes, trying to conceal her own anxiety. 

‘’Hey, it’s okay’’ The brunette cupped her face gently. ‘’You have the power, Elsa. He doesn’t have anything, remember that’’ The blonde nodded, grabbing her hand and letting her led the way inside the room. 

She wasn’t unfamiliar with the room. In fact, it had been one of her favorites one to use. Mainly because of the view it had of the mountains and the big marble table at the center. It was a space that made her feel confident, that always provided her that comfort that she was in charge, that she had the answers and the solutions. She was Elsa Arendelle. 

At the top of the table was  Runeard , sipping his expensive coffee. By his right was always  Agnarr , followed by  Iduna , Anna and two empty chairs. Then the Chamberlain’s and their advisors. In front was Hans and his team of 4 additional people, including the loathsome  _ weaseltown _ . The moment she stepped inside he smiled at her, his eyes roaming her body until landing on her hand that was intertwined with the brunette. His smiled fell and she felt a small victory. 

She took a seat next to Anna and Maren. The only comfort she needed. Her safe space. 

‘’I’m glad everyone could join us today; this step is important for us Arendelle’s, as I’m sure it is for you, Mr. Westergaard. Avoid court is our main priority and I hope we can come to an agreement today, about how to proceed with this demand’’ Runeard spoke, rejoicing in his power. Elsa tensed, her jaw tightening in anger. 

Kai stood up, holding a piece of paper. ‘’According to the information provided by your team, here are the demands you’ve requested: 70% of Ms. Arendelle’s  assets ,  including half the percentage she has of the Corporation. Percentage she owns by birthright, by the way. A few  properties you two owned around the country and one across the globe. And full custody of the child, the one you don’t know nothing about, right?’’ His tone wasn’t accusatory but threatening, cold and cut perfectly through Hans’ ego. 

Weaseltown got up agitated. ‘’That’s not my clients’ fault. She took the child away and forbid him to see it’’ 

‘’If I’m not wrong, there’s a restraining order against your client’’ Kai went through his files. ‘’I’m correct. And there are no indications of him wanting to approach us about the desperate need of wanting to meet his child. Aside from the fact that he violated that order by showing up  unannounced to the hospital, he  physically assaulted Ms. Arendelle again’’ 

She flinched at the roughness of his words, though she knew Kai meant no ill, it still pained her. She met Hans’ hard stare and she frowned, looking at him contemptuously. She could fake her confidence, that she knew. 

‘’A desperate man trying to meet his child, that’s Ms. Westergaard’’ His lawyer excused him. Maren scoffed, shaking her head slightly. ‘’Regardless, the treatment he has been receiving from her has been nothing but unfair’’ 

She wanted to do something, anything to stop that old man from spreading so many lies. Maybe punch his face. But she knew Kai had everything under control. ‘’Unfair? Sexual assault is nothing but unfair, sir. But we’re not here to discuss where your moral stands, right? We’re here to come to an agreement about your demands, because this divorce is coming to an end today’’ 

And the debate went on, the topics fluctuated from Elsa to  Hans . Though Kai made sure to leave the details of those  agonizing nights, out of respect for her and her family. It wasn’t fair having to explain to them the twisted and sick way Hans’ mind worked, it was a waste of time. At some point Anna turned to the side, with a clear look of disgust, muttering a ‘what even’. 

After over an hour of intense exchange of information, they came to the agreement that a break was needed. And Elsa got up first, darting out the room to breathe. ‘’Are you okay?’’ 

‘’I want this to be over. Let him have the money, please. I just want my life back’’ She begged to her father that had followed the girls. He shared a pitiful look at he leaned over to kiss her forehead. 

‘’I’m sorry this is tedious. It’ll be over soon, I promise’’ He reassured her, leaving to talk to  Runeard somewhere out the meeting room. Anna smiled sadly at her with teary eyes. No one spoke a word as Elsa sobbed quietly. Maren wasn’t around, she was inside and her voice was heard from the outside.

The blonde frowned. ‘’Anna, can you make sure she doesn’t kill anyone?’’ The redhead nodded, stroking her hair and leaving. ‘’I need to make a call and pee, but I’ll be right inside’’ She spoke to her mother, who looked at her concerned but complied. 

The only thing that could calm her down was the reassurance that her daughter was safe and Ryder picking up the phone and confirming that, felt amazing. He was like the brother she never had, long before Kristoff appeared, he had been the male figure to protect her against everyone. Guys hitting on her at bars, drunk behaviors,  advise her about Maren and be extremely supportive of them. It never felt like he took sides when they had a fight even if that drove the brunette crazy, he always said that he knew they would return to the other. He wasn’t wrong. 

She smiled at the memory as she made her way down to the restrooms. Those were public, though weren’t really used by anyone as every office had their own. She entered the coldness of the place, did her business, washed her hands and took a second to breathe. Before exiting, returning to the reality that  waited for her. But her path was cut short as she was pushed against a wall. Hans smirked over her, leaning to capture her lips on his but she pushed him away fast, with a strength she didn’t know she had. Well, she had given birth, that made you tougher. 

‘’What the fuck?!’’ She spat, as he moved closer, forcing her to set some distance between the two. Her back pressed against the cold door of an office. ‘’What do you want?’’ 

‘’ So, you’re with that bitch now?’’ He asked, his voice filled with disgust and envy. ‘’That’s the parent figure she’s been for my child? Or just for sexual purposes? Because I  bet, she can’t make you feel like I do’’ 

The blonde frowned, her hands curling into a fist as she forced herself not to punch him. ‘’Don’t bet over something you can’t win’’ His smile died on his lips as hers grew. ‘’What do you want? To tell me all the things you can do? Because we were together for 4 years Hans, I know it’s all bluffing’’ 

His cheeks turned red with anger, as he pushed her back to the door. His hand tightening around her neck. ‘’I’m going to win this case. Take all your money, force myself to the top of this fucking company and bathe on your wealth, Elsa. And I’m going to take your child away from you, just for the sake of watching you suffer’’ He let her go as she panted, gasping for air. His hands were red, traces of blood that he licked as he walked back to the meeting. 

And she sobbed, sliding down to the floor and hugging her knees.  _ What both of them failed to acknowledge was the presence of  _ _ Runeard _ _ and  _ _ Agnarr _ _ in that office.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this but you'll see how much the final scene means, how much it brings to the plot.   
> There are things that need to be acknowledged, you'll see in the next chapter.   
> Wow so serious Kate. Nah but for real, I'll give this some depth or try at least haha
> 
> BTW YES, I WANTED TO DESCRIBE THEIR OUTFITS BC THEY LOOK SO HOT IN MY MIND NGL
> 
> See ya!


	26. Chapter 26

Every thought was clouded, shadowed by the increasingly need to escape. Her sore feet carried her down the emergency stairs of the building, pain seeping through every crack of her soul. But even for her adrenaline-driven body, 53 floors were too much. She collapsed, her knees buckling and giving in to the exhaustion. A heart-wrecking cry emanated from the bottom of her chest. _Agonizing_. She forced herself to stand, her pale hands gripping the banister for support. The coldness of the emergency staircase enhancing the solitude. 

The door of the 40th floor shone brightly under the emergency exit sign as she pushed it open, revealing the emptiness of the hallway. The west wing of the floor was mostly for storage, hence the lack of human presence. 

With shaky hands she pressed the elevator button, exhaling relieved when the doors opened to reveal it was empty. She jumped inside quickly, letting out a silent prayer as she watched the numbers go down fast. Her chest tightening, a pressure she needed to release. Anything to get rid of all the pain and frustration she felt. As soon as the doors opened again, she bolted out of the building. Adrenaline pumping through her body, something greater leading each movement of her limbs. 

Rain poured down relentlessly like it had for the past few days. And she gasped for air as she was met with the coldness of the – approaching – winter breeze. Her body complained against the freezing temperature, every inch of her frame soaked. A comforting heaviness provided by the rainfall, the same one she enjoyed under the solitude of the outdoors. 

And she was finally able to breathe. Sobs escaping her mouth as she found herself unable to contain it all in. Everything had been perfect for such a short amount of time she hadn’t even been given the chance to get accustomed to it. Where was the fairness in that? She wanted to scream, wanted to yell to the skies but everything that came out from the depths of her body were sobs, uncontainable and untamable cries of desperate aid. _Anyone, anything._

‘’Elsa!’’ A male voice cut through the rain drops like a blade, footsteps splashing against the wet concrete alerted her of the incoming presence. ‘’What are you doing here?!’’ 

Agnarr stood hidden under a jacket, trying to cover himself as best as he could from the rain. ‘’I want to be alone’’ She muttered though the sound was muffled by the stormy weather. 

The auburn-haired man leaned over, cupping her daughter’s face softly with one hand. ‘’I know what Hans said to you’’ The mention of his name caught her attention as she frowned, coaxing him to elaborate. ‘’You were outside my office-’’ 

Not once the thought crossed her mind. Yet, she sensed a wave of anger overtaking her body. ‘’And you didn’t do anything?!’’ She spat, taking a step back and putting some distance between them. ‘’You stood inside hearing every word he was saying to me as he physically assaulted me again and didn’t do anything?!’’ 

The shock was evident on his face. Though he was able to hear, he couldn’t see how the exchanged had been between the two. ‘’I was with your grandfather; he didn’t let me-’’ 

Elsa scoffed at the answer. ‘’You have always hidden behind those lame excuses. Every single time I have needed you to step up for me, to show me support, to help me... you’ve turned your back to me. Why?! Are you afraid of him?! Or are you just so ashamed of what I have become?’’ Her questions – that quickly turned into accusations – were filled with a burning pain, the same words she couldn’t stop from spitting with an overwhelming rage. 

‘’Elsa...’’ Her father’s face showed hurt and regret, yet no apology was shed. She scoffed again, this time a few tears escaped her eyes though they were masked by the rain that kept pouring. 

The blonde walked past him, away from the building that held nothing but misery. She hugged her shivering body as she walked down the street, every clothing item soaked and sticking to her body uncomfortably. 

Cars passed by her, a few honking to get her attention but she was too consumed by her own heartache she couldn’t care less. She felt lost and adrift, the same exact feeling she had 10 years ago when the path she had cemented had crumbled under the heaviness of her loss. Though now the loss felt different, more internal than anything. And again, the only clarity she had was the desperate need to flee. 

How long had she walked? She didn’t know. The sky was still the same shade of grey, though the coldness had grown. A car slowed down by her side, the window rolling down as the image of the brunette came into view. ‘’What are you doing, Elsa?’’ The blonde shook her head, not stopping. She needed the time to think of something, anything else. Come up with a plan that didn’t involve running away again, though that one seemed tempting enough. 

‘’Elsa! Get in the car, please’’ The redhead yelled from the passenger’s side. ‘’Please’’ 

But the blonde shook her head, choking on her own unshed tears. ‘’If I stop walking, I’ll crumble down’’ She muttered loud enough for them to hear. The car stopped and Maren jumped out, instructing the redhead to follow them in the car. 

The beautiful outfit she was wearing became quickly drenched as she jogged over to the blonde, forcing her to stop. ‘’Elsa, please’’ She eyed the blonde as she refused to meet her gaze. Ashamed and scared of the consequences that allowing herself to fall would have. The brunette’s hand went to the blonde’s neck that was red in contrast with the paleness of her skin. ‘’What happened?!’’ 

Yet she refused to reply, turning around and getting inside the car. ‘’Drive me home’’ 

With her clothes damped, sticking to her body and chilling every inch of her frame up to her very core, she sunk into her self-pity rollercoaster of emotions that always drove her to irrational thinking. Somehow every twitch of her body, every beat of her heart, every passing thought led her to the same conclusion and same impulsive need to flee. She wasn’t like that, she used to be controlled. Had a plan for every outcome, even the worst-case scenario she had pictured it already had a solution. But with trauma and the openness of the increasing turmoil of feeling, showing and letting go that had led her to the latest decisions, she had come to the realization she was lost. 

And it was that same suffocating realization that had her body itching, fists curling up and nails digging into her palms. She felt trapped in a reality she couldn’t prevent and not once had been able to foresee. The choices she had made were questioned again and again, the sanity in which she had made them. She craved that same driven motivation that led her to run away the first time. 

As soon as the car came to a halt, she jumped out. Her teeth chattering, battling against the coldness that enveloped her. But her mind was set. The burning image of her little girl shining brightly against every logical thought, every voice telling her it was a bad idea. Every arm grabbing her and pushing her back. She could fight, it’s just that she didn’t want to anymore. 

Panting, she reached the apartment as she knocked softly on the door. Ryder opened, a little startled by the intrusion. ‘’What-?’’ But Elsa didn’t let him finish. She entered, ignoring everything and everyone as she moved to the bedroom, grabbing her things and putting them in the same bag she carried with herself from the hospital. 

‘’Elsa...’’ The sweet voice of the brunette reached her ears but she forced herself not to listen to it. She moved around the room, grabbing a few items as her body trembled with each step. She continued to pant, gasping for air as she moved around the room. ‘’What are you doing?’’ 

Once the small bag was full with a few clothing items, she closed it. The next thing she needed to do was to get Maisie, but Maren stood by the door. ‘’Let me pass, I need to get Maisie’’ 

The brunette frowned. ‘’No’’ 

Tears welled up in the blonde’s eyes as she felt herself losing the little control she had over the situation. ‘’Move, please’’ 

‘’No’’ The threatening tone of the brunette startled her as she locked eyes with her. That’s what it took. One single second, one look into the eyes of the woman she loved for her walls to crumble again and her control slip. How could she not if the woman held everything she needed to feel secure? 

A pained sob escaped her mouth. ‘’Please, let me go’’ The brunette’s face softened, holding the blonde and moving her to the bathroom, opening the tap of hot water and moving them under it. The hot steam warming their bodies. ‘’Please’’ She begged, her back colliding with the cold wall as she sunk to the floor. Knees up to her chest, sobs leaving her body. 

Maren moved closer, holding her in her arms as the water warmed them up. ‘’It’s okay, Elsa. You’re safe’’ 

But the blonde shook her head, trying to push the woman away but failing. ‘’I need to leave; he’s going to hurt me again’’ At her words, Maren frowned. Her caramel eyes met Anna’s bloodshot ones, as she stepped inside the room concerned. ‘’He’s going to take her, Maren’’ 

‘’He won’t. Elsa, look at me’’ The brunette asked, grabbing the blonde by the shoulders as water continued to pour down their faces. ‘’We won’t let anything happen to you. You have us and your parents-’’ 

She scoffed, hiding her face in her hands. ‘’Hans came up to me, Maren. He threatened me with Maisie, hurt me again and dad didn’t do anything. He can’t protect me, he never cared enough to do so’’ The words that left her mouth hurt like a physical wound, but were true. 

Yet she knew. It was the realization and confirmation of everything she already recognized and had noticed, what hurt her the most. Through every despair, every shaky road, every bad decision they always had been there for her, but to what extent? Memories flashed back of those lonely holidays where she wasn’t welcomed in the family that had raised her, the one that had turned their backs on her for the sake of allowing someone to love her, for allowing herself to love someone wholeheartedly. 

Years passed without them reaching out to her. She cried in the solitude of the home they had built while grieving the loss of the woman she loved, every self-doubt resurfacing. It wasn’t until every bad decision had reached its peak, until she was lying in that hospital bed after wanting to numb the overwhelming pain, that she was greeted with the presence of both parent figures. But not even a decade was enough for her to move past that constant anguish that she wasn’t enough for them, that whatever she did would never repair the mistakes she had made in the past. She wasn’t the perfect daughter anymore and for so long she feared she would never be again. 

But now, her chest was filled with disappointed rather than the anger she felt earlier. And an overwhelming sadness the second she allowed herself to meet the heartbroken gaze of her little sister. 

‘’What are you talking about?’’ Anna’s voice was shaky and small. The redhead moved closer, small droplets of water soaking her dry clothes. ‘’What happened?’’ 

The blonde shook her head softly. ‘’It doesn’t matter, Anna’’ And it didn’t. Not when she needed to be the one carrying with the broken image of incompetent parents hidden behind the powerful image of success and financial status, of Runeard. She couldn’t be the one to shatter the perfect picture she had of them, not when they had been so good to her. 

‘’What happened to your neck?’’ The brunette asked so quietly it almost went unnoticed. Her warm hand softly caressed the swollen tissue. It had a few scratches, all a deep shade of red. The perfect contrast of her paleness. She couldn’t hide anymore, not after the adrenaline had decreased and her head felt foggy. 

Her throat hurt but she made an effort to clear it before speaking. ‘’Hans happened. He came up to me and said a few things about us’’ 

‘’And you replied’’ 

‘’And I replied. Then he got mad and strangled me, while telling me everything he was going to do’’ A sob painfully escaped her lips. ‘’He said he’d take Maisie away from me just because he wanted to see me suffering’’ 

Maren and Anna exchanged a concerned look, as Elsa continued to sob. Now calmer than before, her body screaming in exhaustion. She wanted to sleep the rest of the day, cuddle up next to the brunette and her baby, enjoy those small moments of happiness. 

She closed her eyes, leaning against the tiles as she felt a wave of nausea came over her. But she shook it off, her limbs too heavy to even attempt to be moved. Though that didn’t stop the two women from moving. With a towel in hand, Maren stopped the shower and patted her head slowly. ‘’How about we change you into some clean and warm clothes?’’ 

And they did. They helped her change and get dry, as she settled inside the familiar scent of the sheets that smelled like her beloved. And she sunk into them, allowing them to cover her and hold her there. _She may not have the support of her parents, but she knew she wasn’t alone_. _Not anymore at least._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kate, what are you doing?  
> Sorry. I just needed to approach that subject, the whole bad parenting thing and the toughness of it. They don't suck and I don't hate them as much as I hate the version of Disney lol but Agnarr and Iduna still need to learn a lot about the way their actions speak and how much they can hurt. ffs kate, they're not real jksdfrfreiuf damn it, I can't help it. 
> 
> Aaaaaanyway, I'm proud to say next chapter will be a good one hehehehehehehe guess whyyyyyyyyyyyyy... you'll get what you've been asking for so long lmao haha dude, I can't help the spoilers. I hate myself dsjhfrifh
> 
> So yepppp, see ya next week!


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're welcome.

_ A dripping noise.  _

_ Water trickling down the wall.  _

_ Coldness.  _

It wasn’t that spring of second year when they had broken into private property for the sake of some spring break fun but it felt like it. But this time she wasn’t 19, cowardly hidden behind the power her last name gave her. 

A police officer had come to their home, asked for her to join them at the precinct. She didn’t ask any question but followed quietly, knowing in her heart there was nothing to be afraid of. But the hours grew long and no explanation had been shed. She was sitting in the uncomfortable chair in an interrogation room, well aware of people looking at her through the mirror glass. 

But she wasn’t nervous, more like confused. 

The door opened in a sharp noise, startling her. Two men entered. Detectives. It seemed serious, more than the warning they got that one and only time she got arrested. No, this looked worse. There was a conflicted look on them, dark bags under their eyes as she eyed the clock placed on the far corner. Two hours she had been there. 

‘’Ms. Arendelle, we apologize for the delay’’ One of them started but she knew the apology was beyond honest. _ Protocol.  _ She would’ve apologized too. ‘’I’m detective Lewis and this is my partner Garcia’’ 

The blonde nodded, not entirely interested but not wanting to cause a bad first impression. She was a business woman in essence, she knew what to do and how to deal with tough cases. She needed to leave this place and she needed to play the nice card. ‘’May I ask the  reasonings behind my detention?’’ 

The exchanged a confused look. ‘’They haven’t told you? You haven’t called your lawyers?’’ 

Garcia sighed, his fingers massaging his temples. ‘’We apologize for that, Ms.  Arendelle . You’re here as one of many possible suspects for murder-’’

‘’What?’’ The question left her mouth before she could process it. ‘’Of who?!’’

The same detective got up and walked to the door, retrieving a file from one of the agents posted outside. ‘’Your husband, Hans Westergaard’’ Her heart stopped, breath hitching and head heaving with the information provided. ‘’He was murdered last night, around 2 to 3am we suspect’’ 

Lewis pulled some pictures from the file, showing them to the blonde. Pictures of the apartment she used to live in, the mess that it was turned into. Pictures of every corner of the place, for evidence purposes she suspected. And lastly of him. A single bullet shot in the middle of his head. ‘’Untraceable bullet, for now’’ 

She felt dizzy. Yeah, he was a shitty human being but for most of their relationship he had been the image of a perfect man. He had been there for her in ways no one had. Well, more like in a way she needed back then. He still hurt her so much it was hard to look beyond that, but not once she wished for him to end up like that. She wasn’t like that; she wasn’t as weak as he was. She was better than him.

‘’We would appreciate if you could provide us anything to help the case. Alibis of your whereabouts along with witness who can support that’’ Garcia added, pulling the pictures inside the file. 

Elsa shook her head. ‘’I’ve been in my home the past week; I have a baby. There’s surveillance if you want to check, we have been ordering food too. I \- ‘ ’ She felt overwhelmed, her brain forcing itself to work with the information thrown at her. ‘’Did you check the security cameras of the apartment?’’ 

‘’We did. From 1am to 3am, every technological device failed in the building and around the block’’

Her mind tried to cooperate but she was suddenly feeling so overwhelmed with  disgust and somehow a sense of tranquility that even if she knew she deserved from the start, couldn’t help but feel foreign. Tapping her fingers on the metal  table, she sighed. “Is it okay if I go to the apartment?”

Both detectives shared a look, perhaps of intrigue but finally nodded. It was in that moment that Elsa was set free and able to call the lawyers. Kai answered right away, with the same efficiency she had always known him for and was told to wait as he got in touch with the police department. Though she had already been freed from the interrogation room and was on her way to what used to be her home. A place that evoked many mixed feelings. It had been a safe house for so long but turned into a place that only brought misery and pain. Walls rising tall, witness of the abuse. She couldn’t help the shiver that ran down her back when the elevator opened on the top floor. 

Everything looked the same in the foyer, if anything there was the smell  of blood and death but she ignored it. Every step felt like a flashback and she forced herself to be calm and in control, she couldn’t give in to the panic that kept increasing. 

What used to be her home was now destroyed under the flames of whatever karma had reached out to her, granting Hans the punishment he always deserved but she couldn’t give. Detectives around the place searching for more hidden evidence. An electric shudder coursing through her frame, feelings ignited in the form of washed out memories, overwhelming recollections of wasted years under the façade of success and health, of a loving marriage shattered under expectations and thirst for power and submission. But Elsa was beyond that, her heart healed with unexpected love and undeserving care.  Honeymaren had come to fix everything without even trying, to soothe and mend open wounds and broken hearts, to awake dormant feelings without expecting apologies. The force of the tide claiming what was always hers from the beginning. 

Padding down the empty and large hallway – darkened by the grey clouds that hovered in the sky – she saw her life, glimpses of happiness she had earned following rocky paths and self-taught healing and concealing. Not everything had been bad. Recollections of warm and loving touches, of healthy routines masked under many feelings and emotions that felt wrong and were painful. 

The door of the main bedroom was slightly opened and she fought the sickness that threatened to overcome the calmness she had forged in herself. It was crazy, how much the place emanated, how every step cut through her mind and heart with an unfathomable strength. It was a simple home that once housed big dreams and expectations. But now, it was nothing but a dead place for her. She realized that at the end, home wasn’t a place but people.  _ Maren, Maisie _ . Her people, her chosen family. It was a fraction of a second in which she felt bad for Hans, for not being able to feel a powerful love like the one that connected her with  Mais or the one that forced the two  women to reconnect. 

The wooden floors tainted with dark blood. The unmade bed that didn’t smell like vanilla and didn’t shelter her dreams anymore. A broken home with broken memories. She smiled softly, a bigger need forcing her out of the apartment to the real home she had. 

The cab ride back home was filled with much overthinking but more over-feeling than anything. It made her feel sick how much better and relieved she felt to have Hans out of their lives for good, for Maisie to not grow up under the shadow of borderline behaviors and constant fright. She wanted to cry of happiness but held every feeling in until reaching the familiar building and running up the stairs to meet the loving gaze of the one person who had fought for her despite her own feelings and heartache. 

‘’I love you’’ She whispered, leaning over the brunette that stood dumbfounded by the door. Kisses shared; connections made as Elsa’s body sought that comfort. Maren’s arms wrapped around her frame, the smell of her family, of love and security. 

‘’I love you too, snowflake’’ With a kiss on her head, Maren replied. They stood in each other’s embrace in the middle of the hallway for as much as they could. The safeness her arms and the place provided. A small cry of complaint echoing in the apartment as Elsa lifted her head from Maren’s shoulder, gaze traveling inside where Maisie stood, arms wiggling in the air as she laid on the soft playmat. ‘’We have been waiting for you impatiently’’

At the words, the blonde smiled widely. Pulling apart from her beloved and entering the warm home, throwing her coat on the couch as she crossed the living room to the bathroom, washing her hands and taking a deep breath. She wanted this, needed this and was okay with this life. More than okay, actually.

‘’Mais?’’ The little girl’s head moved trying to find her mother. Elsa kneeled in front of the baby, allowing Maisie to meet her eyes as her tiny hands touched her face. ‘’I missed you, little Peanut’’ 

Another grunt of complaint left the small infant’s mouth as Elsa grabbed her, placing her in her arms and rocking her. The smell of her baby, of her lover, of the home they had built gave her so much strength it was mind-blowing. Maren stood quietly by the kitchen, preparing lunch as she eyed the two girls sitting on the carpeted floor. ‘’Any request for lunch?’’ 

Maisie’s head turned, still unable to focus on the figure standing feet away. ‘’She’s looking for you’’ Maren grinned, moving from behind the counter to the middle of the room. Maisie’s eyes locking with her as a small smile left her mouth followed by some coos. ‘’She said she wants some chicken burrito bowl’’ The brunette smirked, placing a kiss on the top of the baby’s head. 

‘’Then she shall get one’’ 

Watching the brunette move through the kitchen, focused on the task and enjoying herself while doing so, was such an amazing sight to see. Elsa had moved to the couch, feeding the baby some fresh and premium milk while stroking her cheek. Still, her eyes continued to wander to the figure behind the counter. She loved her with such an intensity it was terrifying. 

After burping Maisie and watching her fall back asleep, she placed her in the nursery, leaving the door partially closed. 

The smell of fresh food being cooked filled her soul as she walked over to the counter, where the brunette had placed the bowls filled with food. ‘’This looks so good’’ 

Maren smiled in return, taking a seat in front of Elsa. ‘’What happened?’’ 

The question was innocent, filled with curiosity and hints of worry. ‘’Let’s eat first. I don’t want to ruin this lovely moment with the news I have to share with you’’ The brunette nodded, slightly unsure of the answer but taking it anyway. 

A slow pace was set between them, as both enjoyed the meal and the time together. Smiling often, talking about trivial things such as plans for the future, Maren’s work, Anna’s calls and never-ending stuff. After eating their lunch, both moved to the couch, bodies intertwined as they snuggled together. 

Elsa’s head was resting on the brunette’s lap, as the latter leaned to catch her lips on hers. ‘’You look so tired, are you up for a small nap?’’ 

The blonde scrunched up her nose, a clear indicator of how unpleasant the proposition  sounded. ‘’I’m not really tired. We should talk about what happened today, though’’ 

With a soft nod, Maren agreed. ‘’Only if you feel like. I don’t want to push you or force you to do so-’’

‘’You would never. I need to do this, try to figure the complexity of my own feelings. I want to know yours too’’ Elsa replied, watching the brunette nod again, this time a little unsure. ‘’I was at the police station today, where they told me I’m a suspect in a murder investigation’’ 

The brunette tensed up, a frown settling in her features. ‘’What? Whose murder?’’ 

‘’Hans’’ Silence filled every inch of the place she called her home. Though the most disturbing lack of sound came from the woman she loved. Elsa rose, sitting up next to Maren – who was clearly struggling to find the right words. ‘’Someone killed him last night, shot him in the head and destroyed the apartment. I gave every piece of information I could, told them about my whereabouts, my alibis and called Kai. Everything’s okay’’ 

Maren nodded, still trying to process everything. ‘’And you? How are you?’’ 

Elsa’s mouth went to the side, deep in thought. How was she? Despite everything, she had the clarity of her own emotions. All the thinking she had done, provided that assurance. ‘’I actually feel very calm. Am I being heartless for feeling glad that this is over?’’ 

‘’No, you’re nothing but heartless. A lot have happened and you’re in every right to feel whatever you want to feel’’ Maren assured her, grabbing her pale hands and giving them a gentle squeeze. 

‘’I never once wanted this to end like this. I’m not a monster, he was one. I just... It’s overwhelming you know? I went to the apartment and saw the mess that the place was’’ 

The brunette nodded softly. ‘’And how did you feel?’’ 

‘’I don’t know really. Sad but not about him, but about the place and everything that it held. It’s crazy I kn-’’

‘’It’s not crazy. It’s human, Elsa. You’re human and it’s okay. We’re okay now. You’re safe and so is Maisie, and this torment has ended. You’re free, snowflake’’ Maren spoke, her voice soft and calming. A hand reached out to stroke Elsa’s rosy cheek. 

The words rang in her mind with an overwhelming calmness and peace. ‘’I’m free’’ she muttered to herself, feeling the tears welling up her eyes. ‘’We are free, Maren’’ 

The brunette leaned over with a big smile on her face. ‘’We are’’ 

And it was that feeling of rightness, of serenity and reconciliation with a past that haunted her and wounded her constantly. Everything fell in order. _ And she wouldn’t have wished for it to be any other way.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proofread this and I wrote it just now lol living that crazy life oops.  
> I don't really have much to say, which is weird I know lol   
> But I want to read you, your thoughts and I don't know. We've been waiting for this for sooooo long but it's here finally.   
> Only three chapters left and wow, brace yourselves heheheheheheehehehe
> 
> Anyway, hope you have a great week.   
> See ya in a couple of days!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who tf killed Hans?

The sun made a brief appearance the day after, making them smile widely with the meaning behind. She was free, at peace with her current life and feeling somehow lighter with the disappearance of the problems that made her miserable. 

Kai had handled everything with the same professionalism and efficiency she knew he would. The police didn’t have proof that could situate Elsa in the apartment or even out of her own home. The security surveillance had been extremely useful as they could corroborate she had been in Maren’s apartment the whole day and night. The charges were lifted and she wasn’t the prime suspect anymore. If anything, she was a victim too. A widow filling for divorce, with a child she would be raising as ‘a single mother’ and everything screamed pity. But she didn’t feel sad. And she wasn’t alone. Not anymore. 

A week passed and for whatever higher force, the case was closed and the murder solved. Hans had dark affairs with many people, most of them bad people. And the fault fell in one particular hitman that had left the country the same night after the murder. The trail went cold and the case was closed. They knew money had to be involved but Elsa couldn’t give it a second thought. 

Out of pure decency they attended the funeral. A business move, though she made sure to stay far in the back, hidden from everyone. The family who was clearly grieving, the faces of his closest brothers filled with anguish and indecipherable anger. But she understood, she really did. They didn’t know him like Elsa did, didn’t get to see beyond the façade of the loving husband/brother. 

The sky was gloomy but there was a sense of peace deep within her. She was free, she felt finally unburdened with all the grief of carrying a legal battle. She could love without fear, live her life without restrictions. Focus on building her family, nourish the relationship with the woman she loved. Be her true self with no hesitations. It was a brand-new sensation that filled her with an overwhelming tranquility. 

When the last words were spoken, when every tear was shed, when everyone was turning around to give the family their condolences, that’s when she turned to leave. Return to the normalcy the loss had given her. Take advantage of it. But a small pat on the back forced her back to the reality she forced to leave behind. 

Lilian Westergaard was always a woman filled with much sympathy and care for everyone. As long as they met her standards. She was pretty presumptuous and would destroy you easily with a few words. She had witnessed it before, the derogatory speech towards everyone beneath her, how she would shatter any self-confidence with the twist of her hand and some bitter words. A maid or a gardener, she didn’t care. 

‘’I didn’t think you would come’’ Her voice was soft, opposite to the one she would’ve expected from the grief-stricken mother. 

The blonde smiled softly. ‘’I’m sorry for your loss, Lilian’’ The reply – though not entirely genuine – caught the older woman’s attention, a frown settling on her surgically – and expertly – intervened face. 

‘’I don’t know what happened between you two, but he really loved you’’ She knew the statement came more as what she – as an absent parent – had been able to witness, rather than the knowledge she had of the events that took place between the two. She didn’t take it personally, couldn’t really. Still, was unable to reply sincerely. No lie formulating in her brain. Just a sad smile that reached out to her in the midst of her grieve and anguish. 

‘’Again, I’m sorry for your loss’’ And she turned around, meeting the gaze of the brunette who waited for her by the side of the car. A simple nod of confirmation that things were okay, despite the dread feeling the woman had left in the pit of her stomach. 

With a loud sigh she jumped inside the car, shutting the door and closing her eyes. ‘’Whose idea was to attend this?’’ the brunette asked, starting the car and driving away. 

‘’Who do you think?’’ The answer was obvious. There was only one person insensitive enough to pull something like this through. A man who had the nerve to show up at the service in all his powerful stand. The same one Elsa avoided. Of course she would, now that the divorce had ended and she was granted the title of widow, there was nothing else to do. Other than move on with her life and avoid any interaction with her family, aside from her sister. 

Ignoring the pleas of her parents had been hard but the anger she felt had worked as incentive for declining every attempt at reaching out. Her therapist had made it clear she was allowed to feel any way she could, but that she wasn’t too pleased with the cold treatment she was giving them. Evading an issue wasn’t the same as facing it and letting it in the past. But she needed time, all the time she could get to let everything calm inside of her. 

Now, the problem she needed to deal with was the upcoming birthday party for little Lou that happened to be that afternoon. Her little girl was 2 months old and the weather had somehow improved, though still gloomy it wasn’t raining as before. There were no legit excuses for her to skip it. She couldn’t do that to Anna, not when she had made sure to make everything safe for little Maisie. 

‘’I bought a present for Lou’’ Maren yelled from the living room as Elsa finished getting Peanut dressed. A gray long-sleeved onesie worn under a floral-printed cotton leggings and topped with a big white bow headband. Nothing fancy, not like anyone could judge a baby’s style. 

The blonde peeked through the door. ‘’I thought we were getting him something together’’ 

‘’Yeah but I saw this wooden music set and I thought it was the perfect gift, especially now that I picture Kristoff and Anna’s faces’’ The brunette commented, entering the room. Her eyes grew wide as Elsa held the little girl and showed her the outfit. ‘’You’re going to be the prettiest there’’ 

‘’I know, but I was asking you about Maisie’s outfit’’ Maren rolled her eyes, grabbing the baby and leaving the bedroom as Elsa grabbed a few items and placed them inside the diaper bag. 

‘’You already look like the hottest mama out there with those tight skinny jeans’’ The brunette added, winking at the blonde before placing the baby in the car seat and covering her with the softest blanket. ‘’She does, doesn’t she? Look at that sweater mama’s wearing-’’ 

She was quickly shut with a kiss. And that was everything she needed to comply and leave the house. They drove to the familiar house, casual smiles and sneaky glances through the rear mirror was the sole communication they had. Besides the singing, that made the whole ride comfortable. Luckily, Maisie had grown accustomed to hearing the brunette and slept the whole ride with no problem. 

Due to the unstable weather every celebration had taken place indoors. They were greeted with the warmth of the place as Maren carried the car seat holding the sleeping baby and Elsa followed behind carrying the gifts and bags. Anna jumped when she spotted them, her excitement palpable as she hugged them intensely. ‘’Please save me’’ She whispered to them, cringing. ‘’There’s too many of them’’ The brunette laughed, watching the redhead disappear as fast as she arrived. 

‘’Did that even happen?’’ Maren asked confused, watching Elsa close the door behind and walking slowly inside the house. The big dining room that was mostly unused was turned into a kid’s playground. At least 6 small children were happily seated on the floor playing with some toys, other 3 were running around. She placed the gifts in a corner and motioned Maren to follow her inside a room. 

It was a guest room hidden inside a small hallway. It had a pad with a password, one Elsa knew. They entered, leaving the bags inside and the car seat as they pulled the now awake baby out of it. Though the house was warm, it wasn’t as warm as they had expected and they chose to put a fluffy jacket on little Maisie and the headband was changed for a cotton hat with bear ears. 

‘’Now we’re ready for the chaos that this party will be’’ Maren commented, cradling the baby that was happily sucking on a thumb. She turned around but before she could leave, Elsa grabbed her arm and spun her around. They shared a deep kiss, their tongues colliding with each other. Maisie’s hand grabbing a few strands of lose platinum hair and pulling it closer to her mouth. ‘’Don’t start something you can’t finish’’ 

The blonde rolled her eyes, pulling Mais’ hand away and motioning the brunette to move as she closed the door behind. Watching her hold her child with love and care made her heart fill with happiness. She couldn’t ask for more, not when she was finally getting everything she wanted, everything she dreamed of. 

Two redheads rushed to her side to kiss her cheek fast but moving to see Maisie. They kissed Maren, or Auntie Maren, like they called her and then bolted away to keep playing. Nothing was more important than that, not even their small cousin. The laughter of Kristoff echoed in the living room as he greeted the two women. ‘’At least you got a kiss from them. Other’s hadn’t been so lucky’’ He commented while hugging them and moving to grab the small baby. ‘’She’s so big! What have you been feeding her?!’’ 

‘’Love-’’ 

‘’Steroids-’’ 

They shared a look, followed by a loud chuckle. ‘’I see you have this covered’’ He replied while cooing at the baby. 

‘’Where’s Lou, by the way?’’ Elsa asked, looking around trying to spot the blond child. But he was nowhere to be found and neither was Anna. 

‘’Upstairs with your parents and Anna’’ At the mention of the presence of her parents she tensed. The inevitable moment she knew couldn’t avoid forever. But today wasn’t about her or them but about little Lou, the smallest Bjorgman. ‘’How have you been?’’ He asked, his concern genuine as he passed the baby back to Maren and reached out to hold the blonde’s arm. 

He was always attentive and quite perceptive, the same reason why she knew he was perfect for Anna. Kind and honest, loyal and humble. He was the perfect man for her sister and had been the perfect brother for her the entirety of their relationship. ‘’I’m fine. A little anxious but I’m okay’’ 

‘’You know we’re here if you two ever need anything, right?’’ He spoke, now not only to her but including the brunette to. A thoughtful action that had them smiling. 

Two small footsteps echoed in the living room as tiny arms wrapped around her legs. Lou had run downstairs at full speed to greet his aunt. ‘’Auntie!’’ 

She kneeled, giving him a big hug as she felt his tiny hands clutching around her neck and his face resting on her cheek. She held him tight, his baby smell still lingering on his skin. A small kiss was planted on her cheek as he let him go. ‘’Auntie Maren came too and cousin Maisie, look’’ 

The brunette moved closer, kneeling too and moving the baby so he could see her. He beamed; an excited jump followed after as he carefully touched Maisie’s cheek. The act was so soft that caused the little girl to smile, her dimples popping and Lou giggling, his eyes glimmering as he looked at Elsa. The attention of the boy was quickly taken away by something else, as he kissed Maren’s cheek before sprinting away to play. 

She looked up to meet the eyes of the brunette that were full of happiness. They shared that look of complicity, of compromise, of contentment as Elsa leaned over, planting a soft kiss on her lips. ‘’I love you’’ 

‘’Maisie!’’ Both women jumped at the yell, startled by the redhead’s voice that was higher than normal. She was a gust of wind, one moment she was there and the other she wasn’t. And as quickly as she had arrived, the small baby was taken away from the arms of the brunette and held by the redhead. ‘’She’s so big’’ 

‘’You saw her three days ago’’ Elsa deadpanned. Yet all she got was a glare from Anna and a chuckle from Maren. 

More footsteps joined in as she turned to the side. Agnarr and Iduna stood by the entrance of the big room, their eyes locked on her daughter but traveled to the small baby that Anna cradled. Her heart tightened in her chest, jaw clenched as she fought the urge to turn around or spat at them. But they looked heartbroken. Her mother’s eyes filling with tears as her hands moved to her midsection, hugging her frame. An action Elsa was too familiar with. 

Despite everything, she knew it wasn’t fair of her to hide her daughter from them, nor it was for Maisie. She cleared her throat, turning to look at Maren. ‘’I’ll go get us something to drink’’ And she left, allowing her parents the chance to spend some time with their granddaughter, without the pressure of her presence. 

She entered the empty kitchen filled with food and moved to grab a glass, filling it with water. Her throat felt dry, her emotions building up as her anxiety increased. But she forced herself to remain calm despite that. She grabbed something for Maren too and turned to head back to the living room. But as she turned, she was faced with another figure, one she had avoided the most among everyone else. The last person she wanted to see, the last person she wanted to be near her daughter. Runeard. 

‘’I saw you with her here, playing house’’ His voice was deep, filled with disgust as she pressed her back to the counter. ‘’More like playing pretend, because let’s be honest... that’s not her child’’ 

‘’You more than anyone should know that biology has nothing to do with being a parent’’ She replied, her tone bitter yet still holding her tongue from the snarky replies that kept popping in her mind. 

He laughed, mocking her. ‘’I thought we had a deal, pumpkin’’ He leaned closer to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘’You were supposed to disappear. So, now I’m wondering what are you doing here?’’ 

‘’The deal was valid only if I won the divorce, which I didn’t. Hans died’’ She retorted, her chest heaving with the realizations. She didn’t want to do it; despite the situation she had found herself with her parents. She couldn’t leave Anna and she couldn’t force Maren to leave everything for her. 

He smiled again. ‘’Oh pumpkin, you still have a lot to learn from your grandpa. He took care of everything, just like he will take care of things once you leave. Just carry out your part of the deal, we don’t want the same fate happening to all your love partners, right?’’ The threat though subtle made her heart stop. He had taken the liberty of playing with her life according to his needs, of using her for his corporate needs and get rid of her when she didn’t fulfill his standards. And he dared to drag the woman she loved into the picture, threatening to end her life the same way he had allegedly ended Hans’. She felt sick. 

‘’I would suggest you take a step back and measure your next words’’ It wasn’t the voice of someone she would expect the one that reached out to her. It was Agnarr Arendelle, followed by the rest of her family. 

Runeard looked shocked yet not remorseful. ‘’Are you talking to me like that, son?’’ 

‘’I am. You’re threatening my daughter, again. And I won’t let that happen’’ His voice was confident as he took a step forward, closer to the blonde who sobbed quietly in the corner of the kitchen. 

The old man laughed. ‘’Where does all this bravado come from? I don’t remember you ever disagreeing with my actions when it came to your daughter’’ 

The auburn-haired man looked at the blonde, a sad look of sheer remorse. ‘’I thought I was doing the best, I thought _you_ were doing the best. But I won’t let any other person hurt her anymore, It’s enough’’ 

Through the crowd the blonde spotted the brunette, who stood behind Iduna, holding Maisie tightly against her chest. She knew if it wasn’t for the baby she was cradling, she’d be right next to Agnarr defending Elsa from the despicable man. But luckily, Kristoff was taking that place, providing that support. 

Runeard scoffed, clearly shocked. ‘’I see. So, you’re okay with the decisions she had done? With the way she’s been living her life? She’s tainting the family name, threatening the empire I have built-’’ 

‘’Am I okay with seeing my daughter happy? Yes. Who she wants to spend her life with is none of my business nor yours. And most importantly, it doesn’t affect the company at all. You know that. Now, if you want to talk about this, let’s meet up on Monday and discuss it. For now, I want you to leave’’ His voice was firm as Kristoff crossed his arms, standing his ground. The old man scoffed again, but didn’t say anything else. He turned around, walking past every member of the family and getting a glance from each. Maren was wise enough to move away, so he wouldn’t see the small baby she was cradling, the one that kept sucking on her fist. 

Once the front door was slammed shut, the blonde was allowed to breathe. A shaky exhale as a sob escaped from her lips. She quickly ran to the brunette, seeking that comforting presence as she hugged her and Maisie. ‘’It’s okay, you’re okay’’ Anna joined the hug briefly, kissing her sister’s temple and taking the baby away from them as the brunette held the blonde in her arms, containing her and consoling her. 

Every caress, every feather-like touch on her frame worked miraculously. She was led to the couch, her sobs calming down as she continued to lean over Maren’s chest. But it had to end, the ache subsided as she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘’Why does this keep happening to me?’’ 

A cup of warm tea with a slice of lemon and some honey was placed in front of her. The gesture that evoke many feelings. They knew it was her favorite, she knew her dad had made it for her. And she didn’t want to hold any more negative feelings in her life. She was tired of them, tired of suffering and allowing people to hurt her. 

‘’Els’’ Anna called her out, as she moved her gaze to the redhead that was sitting on the couch across the coffee table. ‘’Why don’t we go upstairs?’’ 

The blonde nodded softly, getting up and rushing upstairs. She threw herself to Anna’s bed, hiding her face under the pillows that smelled like her little sister. Some babbling forced her to look up. Everyone had joined her, except for Kristoff who had to keep the party alive. Iduna, Agnarr, Anna and Maren. The latter was holding Peanut, as she took a seat on the bed. ‘’Are you alright?’’ 

‘’Yeah’’ She replied while grabbing the infant that smiled in return. 

She watched Agnarr approaching, sitting on the other side of the bed. ‘’I know things are rocky between us, but I need for you to listen to me. I love you, always have and always will. And I’m so sorry for not being the father figure you have deserved. We’ve done so many things wrong and we would like another opportunity to be better’’ He stretched his hand to grip Iduna’s who was lost in her own emotions, unable to pronounce a word. 

‘’You hurt me’’ Elsa whispered, not meeting her parent’s gaze. ‘’With your silence’’ 

Agnarr sighed. ‘’I know and I hate myself for causing you more pain. But we love you and we’re so proud of the woman, the person you’ve become’’ 

The blonde nodded, still trying to wrap her mind around everything that had happened in the short amount of time. A pull of her hair brought her back to reality. Maisie was playing with the blonde strands, smiling as drool fell from her mouth and coated her bib. ‘’I need time, to heal and to process everything. But I will not push you away from Maisie’’ 

Both parents smiled softly. ‘’We understand’’ Iduna spoke, leaning over and grabbing the little girl from Elsa’s arms. ‘’We will do better, for you and her’’ 

The first step had been given for a very needed conversation. It was just the tip of the iceberg but somehow, she felt calm with the openness of her heart and opportunities to mend many mistakes of the past. She still had much to forgive and to accept from her family, and she still needed to offer apologies for many things she had done wrong. And she wasn’t afraid of doing it, not anymore. She knew despite everything; _she would never be alone again_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to fit a big ass conversation between the parents and Elsa, without feeling like she was forced to forgive them? lol  
> Nah, she needs time and who knows what will happen. You know, it's harder to build the trust that once was broken. Did that make sense?  
> Aaaaanyway, next chapter will be the last.  
> But Kate, it says it has 30 chapters, not 29?  
> Yes, because the 30th is the epilogue hehehe one I enjoyed writing so much. 
> 
> I made a tiny schedule and the next chapter will be posted on Saturday and the final, final, final on Sunday.  
> So, stay tuned hahah
> 
> Okay, now I should leave.  
> Be safe, see ya!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW
> 
> hehe

Everything had settled into a slow, relieving pace. The sun setting in the distance, under the light blue sky. _ Cloudless. _ Cristal clear like her thoughts that were filled with _ her. _ Mornings that resembled the certainty of that future that somehow didn’t frightened her anymore. 

Under the sunrays was her tanned body, shinning and glimmering. Lose hair cascading down her back in endless waves of softness. Dark like her deepest desires, highlighted by the burning passion of the love that kept growing in her body. A deep red bikini covering her frame, the rest exposed to the sun. She licked her lips, leaning over the brunette to meet her in a deep kiss. 

_ Tongues brushing. _

_ Sighs of contentment.  _

The reflection of the clear waves on her pale skin. The solitude of the bungalow in the middle of the ocean. A few days away, that’s all they got. That’s all they needed. Bodies pressed against the other as their lips refused to part, oxygen becoming an issue. And once they did, they looked at each other with dark eyes, filled with something other than love. 

_ Lust.  _

_ Need. _

_ Hunger. _

It wasn’t until the sun had fully set that they were met in the privacy of their bedroom, the full moon casting a glow on their almost naked bodies. The brunette straddling the blonde by the hips, leaning over to kiss her lips again. Then her jaw, sucking on her neck and  nibbing at her earlobe. Every touch soft yet desperate, her hands roaming the pale skin of her shoulders. While the blonde did the same, her hands scratching Maren’s back while grinding her hips, looking for any form of release, any form of communication beyond words. They were past that. 

Her slender fingers found the tight knot of the deep red bikini top and she pulled it, a giggle escaping her mouth at the antics. ‘’Naughty’’ Maren whispered against her neck, sending electric shocks through Elsa’s body. 

She was branded by kisses, her neck turning red from the brunette’s soft bites and sucking. And she wanted more, more of her for the rest of her life. Her pale hand went to one of her breasts as Maren let go a deep sigh, her thumb toying with the hard nipple. But she was quickly stopped as the brunette moved down, trailing kisses down Elsa’s body, that was partially covered by the peach strapless bikini. Her tanned hands reached her back as the blonde arched herself, pressing her chest against brunette’s who kept sucking on her collarbone, drawing blood to the surface. 

The clothing item was off fast, leaving them equally exposed to the other. Warm caramel eyes shadowed by desire, dark from the thirst. Her mouth went to one of her breasts, sucking and biting softly, the blonde gasping at the sudden fervent feeling that traveled up and down her body, settling on her lower abdomen and in between her legs. She wanted her, needed her. More of her. Forever.

‘’Honey’’ The words came as a cry, a desperate measure. A silent beg for more. And the brunette quickly understood the plea, her mouth moving lower. Licking every inch of pale skin that extended to infinite like the vast extension of snowy mountains every winter. She sucked on her navel, by her hips and inner thighs as she continued to tease the already panting blonde. 

Getting rid of the bikini bottom wasn’t hard at all. A single pull of the strings and it was gone. It had been that simple, the temptation of doing it throughout the day too big and hard to conceal. Elsa sighed when Maren kissed her core, the neglected area that sought release desperately. And moaned when she ran her tongue through every inch of her wetness, tasting her, discovering her. The same tongue that caressed her nub, eliciting a louder moan from the blonde, whose hand went to grab the brunette’s hair, hips rolling against her mouth. ‘’What do you want?’’ 

‘’You... inside’’ She whispered; her throat constricted with the overwhelming emotions that threatened to overcome her. And the brunette happily complied, as always. Two fingers easily sliding inside. Elsa’s back arching, granting more access as she curled them inside, her moans increasing with the astounding need to scream her name to the heaven’s above. All the yesses given out to the brunette, as she threw her head back, whiteness engulfing her. Every sense was blocked by pure euphoria. And she screamed her name, Maren’s moans sending vibrations up her body. 

She was quickly met with the emptiness of Maren, her fingers being pulled from her insides as she moved up to kiss her deeply. She could taste herself in her, the act eliciting a soft moan. And despite the tiredness of the amazing orgasmic experience, she wanted to return the favor. Because having the brunette screaming her name, was something she couldn’t get enough of. 

As fast as she could, she switched positions. Straddling the brunette down, pinning her arms above her head as her mouth went to her neck. The taste of the salty ocean mixed with her vanilla  scent  drove her insane. She kissed her on the jaw down to her jugular, sucking slightly on her pulse point. Hearing the brunette moan softly under her care had her core needing attention again, but she would focus on her beloved. Her needs first.

She licked her way down to her collarbone, sucking and  nibbing the skin. Branding the tanned skin with her name. Her mouth went over to her, lips meeting, tongues brushing, mouth opening in a soft gasp. And they looked at each other, her body melting under the gaze of the brunette. ‘’I love you’’ The blonde whispered closer to her ear,  nibbing on her earlobe, hearing a gasp from the brunette who was unable to return the words. It didn’t matter, hearing her response to her touches was enough.

The moonlight casted a shadow on her body as she pulled away from the brunette to move downward, releasing the grip on her wrists. Her mouth went to her breasts, sucking and biting on her nipple as her other hand squeezed slightly on the neglected one. She wanted to be there for eternity, have her under her touch for the rest of her life. 

Her mouth moved down, lips brushing her ribs and sucking over her belly button. But her mission was something else, the begs of the brunette heard as her hips rolled upward against the warmth of the blonde. The red bikini bottom was off with the help of Maren, their hands brushing as Elsa interlaced them together before kissing the inner thigh of the brunette. The legs parted, offering herself to the blonde for that desperate liberation. With a grin, the blonde kissed her way to her folds, the moans of the brunette echoing in the small room of the bungalow. The words gone with the wind.

‘’Oh Snowflake’’ Were the ones that stayed, once her lips reached her sweet spot. Her tongue circling her nub, occasional sucking of it that drove her to the edge. With the same care she had been treated, she took care of the brunette. Fingers sliding in, thrusting deeper, curling until reaching the pad of nerves that had her back arching, hips buckling and head thrown back in pleasure. A moan escaped her own lips, unable to contain under the imaginary of the scene at display. 

It didn’t took long for Maren to find release, her body cursing with ecstasy, the name of the blonde reverberating in the four walls that contained them, shielded them from the outer world. Her tanned hand moving down to pull the blonde to her, their kiss deepening as Maren pressed her against the soft pillows. The soft breeze of the night brushing against their sweaty bodies, the ones that were pressed together. Fitting perfectly like puzzle pieces that had always been meant to fit together. 

A single sheet covering them as they snuggled each other. 

It had been Anna’s idea of a birthday gift to grant them that small getaway. Maisie was 7 months old, could deal with the temporary separation from her parents. And the destination had been a remote island in the middle of the ocean. With turquoise waters, no electronics and just nature. Just them, the sun and the moon as companions and witness of the love.

Everything felt right. After the talk with her parents, the reconnection and needed apologies, things went back to a needed normalcy. One she had craved since the beginning. Hans was gone, so was  Runeard . He – by some miracle – had disappeared from the face of the earth, though Elsa was suspicious of her father’s actions. But wouldn’t tempt destiny, not when she was getting to a place she wanted. With the woman she loved and the baby she had chosen to raise with her. They were together in that, a commitment for a lifetime that Elsa knew Maren wouldn’t take lightly. How could she even doubt the brunette when it took one glance at the way she interacted with the little girl to realize how big their love for each other was and how little biology mattered. She was Maisie’s parent, other mom. No one would ever take that from them. 

The night grew long, the love making eternal as the need to have the other kept returning. They were under a spell, set by the calmness of the ocean, the clearness of the sky and the lighting of the moon. It was peaceful, fulfilling even, to have all the time in the world to spend it with the woman she loved. She could never have enough of her. 

Under the moonlight they had dinner at 3am, shared a drink. Walked around the bungalow naked, the often tease of their bodies that drove the other insane and usually ended in love making. They swam in the small pool together, touched each other with no fear. It was just them and their love floating around, surrounding them. What else could she ask for? 

By the dock they watched the stars dotting the firmament, wrapped around each other. Every moment led to touching and kissing, to whispering I-love- yous . And they were back on the mattress. Loving each other the only way they knew and could, the path down their bodies known by memory. Eyes closed to the elation of it all. It felt more than just that, more than just a physical act. They were beyond that. Souls reconnecting, threads of love wrapped around them, heart mending and healing process. 

After reaching their climax again, they laid next to the other. Exhausted, sweat falling down their backs onto the mattress. It felt too powerful to let go of the experience of a night of non-stop love making. The sun raising, the sky lighting up. Orange tainting the bedroom with the intense glow of dawn. The brunette reached over Elsa, kissing her lips in the process as she moved to the drawer placed on her side of the bed. 

‘’Are you looking for a condom?’’ The blonde joked, holding onto her back as she kissed her neck. With rosy cheeks the brunette returned to her position on top of Elsa, a grin spreading over her face. ‘’What?’’ 

It was a simple act, so simple and sincere. From the depths of their feelings and shared experiences. A small diamond ring that shone under the sunrays of the morning, casting a light that covered every inch of the room. With watery eyes the brunette asked the question. 

_ ‘’Will you marry me?’’  _

_ And she knew, the answer had been there all along. _

_ ‘’Heaven knows I’ve loved you long before I met you’’  _

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*  **_ THE END  _ ** *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kate, that 'the end' ... extra much?   
> Sorry, couldn't help myself lmao 
> 
> Last chapter let's cry.  
> Well, tomorrow's last chapter... STOP LYING KATE. 
> 
> Anyway, see ya tomorrow hehehehe


	30. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wink wink*

In the comfort of their bedroom she slept safe and sound, the warmth of the body pressed to her granting the  privilege of being loved and cared, feeling secured and free of harm. Her slumber peaceful as she dreamed of happiness and spring, flowers and nature joining them in a melody she couldn’t quite describe but could definitely feel. It was like love.  _ It felt like love _ . 

A small pat on her shoulder, a warm and tiny hand placed over her exposed skin forced her eyes open. Under the light from the outside, she spotted the figure of their  four-year-old daughter. Timid, hidden behind her favorite stuffed snowman, her hair braided to the side but slightly messed up. Rosy cheeks, the same she had when she was a small baby.  _ Maisie. _

‘’Mama?’’ Her voice was small, whispering under the quietness of the room. ‘’Can I sleep with you?’’ Her blue eyes shone brightly with expectation and she fought hard the need to say no. But the night was cold, winter arriving in all its mighty. 

The blonde moved to the middle of the bed, opening the covers and allowing her girl to sleep under the protection of her mother. ‘’Sleep tight, little snow’’ The nickname Maren so fondly started to use after finding out the girl was allergic to peanuts. A sad day, quite ironic. 

She quickly fell back to sleep, the heaviness of her eyelids hard to fight. Her body ached for the needed rest, the one she had been deprived of the past two months. But as quickly as she had fallen back to sleep, she was  awakened again. ‘’Mama?’’ By the side of the bed was standing  _ Finn _ , their 3-year-old with his ruffled light brown hair and honey eyes. He rubbed his eyes as he clutched tightly his stuffed reindeer. Before he could say anything, she moved to the side, patting the mattress and watching him climb to bed, stepping over his older sister who grunted, displeased. 

In that moment she was more than grateful for the purchase of the big bed, knowing fully well it wouldn’t take much for another tiny human to join them. She closed her eyes but wasn’t quick enough to fall back asleep when she felt the bed sink in and a small body with a stuffed salamander, hug her.  _ Noah.  _ ½ of the set of twins. His hair was the same as Finn, though his eyes were slightly greener. He was a mama’s boy, seeking the warmth of the blonde as she moved closer to her beloved, allowing their children the space, warmth and safety the company of their parents provided. 

She fell asleep, a big smile spread on her face while watching the three Arendelle- Nattura children peacefully sleeping. Though her slumber was quickly interrupted by the fuzziness of a baby and the movement of the woman sleeping next to her. 

‘’What the-?’’ Maren asked confused as she felt Elsa’s body pressed to her. The blonde chuckled quietly, snuggling closer to the brunette. 

‘’We’ve been invaded’’ The blonde whispered in her ear, leaning closer to rest her head on the crook of her neck. 

Maren craned her neck to get a better view without moving much. ‘’At least they had the decency of not getting in the middle’’ She joked, leaning to kiss the blonde who moaned softly at the taste of the brunette’s lips. Their kiss deepened but again, was interrupted by the cry of a baby. ‘’Elle, we’re busy here’’ 

Elsa rolled her eyes, leaning over the pillow as she watched the brunette pulling the two-month-old girl from the bassinet and settling back to feed her. The girl looked exactly like Maren, though her hair was slightly curly and her eyes olive, like Noah’s. ‘’What a hot mama you are’’ Elsa whispered, watching the brunette nourishing the little girl. 

‘’Mommy, I’m mommy’’ Maren joked, turning to kiss Elsa again. ‘’I love  you, you know?’’ 

‘’You better, we have 4 kids together’’ The brunette chuckled, rolling her eyes and watching the baby falling back asleep. ‘’Someone needs to put the gifts under the tree’’ 

Maren handed Elle to Elsa, to burp her as best as she could, with Noah clutched to her leg in deep sleep. ‘’Is that someone me?’’ 

‘’Look at him’’ The blonde pointed at the sleeping kid. ‘’If I move, he’ll notice. Do we want that? I don’t think so’’ 

With a deep sigh, the brunette got up. ‘’That’s blackmail, you know? You better pay me for this’’ Elsa nodded in agreement. ‘’I don’t accept money’’ 

The blonde watched the brunette leave the room with a smirk, the lights turning on as she heard movement on the first floor. Small paws following her behind as Gale – their husky – joined her in the quest of acting like Santa. 

Elsa’s heart felt full while cradling their baby and hearing the soft snores of the three children sleeping in the bed. The family she never thought she’d get but somehow always wanted. With the woman she always loved. Everything felt perfect. Even more as she spotted small snowflakes starting to fall from the sky,  Christmas arriving at full speed. The excitement palpable in the air as she knew how eager each one of the kids were. They had baked cookies for Santa, served him the best almond milk and a small piece of chocolate just in case he was like Auntie Anna and needed the energy boost. 

She placed the sleepy baby on the bassinet and returned to bed. A few  minutes later, the brunette returned, followed by Gale who climbed onto the bed and curled at the end. ‘’Now, the invasion is complete’’ The brunette threw her arm up in the air, which elicited a giggle from Elsa. 

‘’Don’t be such a party pooper. Now come here and kiss your wife’’ 

❅

‘’Mommy! Mama! It’s snowing!’’ Finn jumped on the bed, awakening the two adults. With a groan, Elsa covered herself with the pillow, feeling the emptiness on the side of the mattress. 

‘’It’s all white, Mama! Look!’’ Noah jumped into the bed, grabbing her mother’s arm and pushing her to get up,  unsuccessfully . ‘’Mais, we can build Olaf’’ 

She heard a small gasp as their oldest jumped off the bed to what she assumed was the window. ‘’There’s enough snow to build three! One for each!’’ 

Maren dramatically cried, shaking Elsa’s shoulder. ‘’Your children are awake’’ 

‘’They’re your children before breakfast’’ The blonde replied, turning to the side to meet her wife’s eyes. She was smirking. Elsa rolled her eyes. ‘’Kids, what day it’s today?’’ 

The three children that were looking through the window turned their head fast, making them laugh. The first to realize was Maisie, her face lighting up and eyes wide in shock and enthusiasm. ‘’It’s  Christmas !!’’ 

Noah and Finn jumped in excitement, the same behavior she remembered from Anna when she was a kid. ‘’Santa came here?’’ 

Maren and Elsa shared a look. ‘’I don’t know, should we go see?’’ The former offered, as the children squealed in excitement. She got up, grabbing her robe and throwing Elsa hers. ‘’I’ll take them downstairs, take Elle?’’ 

The blonde nodded, smiling as she watched them  disappear through the door. Their laughs and voices echoing in the hall of the second floor. She grabbed the sleeping baby, wrapped her around a cozy blanket and kissed her head. ‘’Let’s see what Santa brought you, little Ellie’’ 

And she walked out of the master bedroom. The familiarity of the place, the scent of love and comfort filled her chest. In the middle of the hall was the big stairs and she could spot toys scattered outside the children’s room. The habitual scene, the mundanity of the life she had chosen, of the path she was walking along the woman she loved. 

The scene she encountered still shook her. Maren was sitting on the carpet, watching the children moving around the big tree searching for the gifts. Each brought one to the brunette to read, so they would know if it belonged to them or not. They piled them up before opening them, knowing they had to wait for mama before doing so. 

‘’All those presents are for me?’’ Elsa teased the children while sitting on the soft carpet. She heard them say no in unison, but never looking away from the task. Their 4 kids wore matching pajamas and so did the parents. The dorkiest yet cutest thing Maren had forced them to do. Not like any of them had any choice. 

After tearing open all the presents, toys scattered all over the floor along with clothing items, of showing the twins their new bikes and Maisie her new roller blades, Maren kissed the blonde. ‘’I have a present for you’’ Elsa smiled unamused, hiding a grin. She handed the blonde a small box as she juggled to open it while holding the small baby. Inside was a small necklace holding 4 diamond snowflakes. ‘’One for each kid’’ Maren whispered.

Her eyes filled with tears as she touched the delicate piece of silver jewelry. A giggle escaping her lips. ‘’I have a present for you too’’ She motioned a small box hidden underneath the tree; the brunette stretched her arm to reach it. Her eyes opened wide when she spotted the contents. A golden necklace with 4 diamond hearts. ‘’For each kid too’’ 

Their lips crashed together as words were unable to explain any feeling. She wanted to laugh but mostly, she wanted to freeze the moment and take in every single second. The family they had formed, the home they had built, the bond they had grew. It came from the deepest and most genuine place in their hearts. They were bound to share it, bound to find each other. Bound to the other, one way or the other. For she had always belonged to the brunette. That she knew. 

‘’Anna helped you with the present?’’ Maren suddenly asked, pulling away from the blonde. Realization hit her, that stinker.

‘’ Of course she did’’ The mastermind of everything. There was no doubt she would be behind that.

After breakfast was done and everyone was showered, cleaned and changed into decent clothing, they moved to the first floor to prepare for lunch. As Elsa chopped down some vegetables, she eyed the children that were running around the house. Maisie in a dress and pigtails, the twins in pants and sweaters. They looked cleaned and decent. ‘’How long do you think it’ll last?’’ 

The brunette turned from the stove to meet her wife’s eyes. ‘’What?’’ 

‘’Them. Cleaned’’ 

Maren chuckled. ‘’Hopefully long, though I’m not so sure’’ 

There was a feeling of overwhelming joy in watching the three kids interact and play with their toys together. It wasn’t something new the way they loved spending time with the other and the closeness of their relationship. As Elsa grew having a tight and unbreakable bond with her little sister, and Maren with Ryder, she could only hope they would too. 

Arms wrapped around her waist as she felt the body of the  woman she loved pressed against her back. Her face hidden in the crook of her neck. ‘’I love this’’ 

‘’What?’’ Elsa asked while kissing the brunette softly. 

‘’Them, us. Everything’’ A huge grin spread through the blonde’s  face, one she saw mirrored in her wife. 

They stood like that for a few minutes, until Gale barked at the door. The doorbell rang and they nodded at Maisie who asked if she could open the door.  Iduna and  Agnarr stood by the entrance, as the latter kneeled to greet the children that ran in search of the warm embrace of Papa. Kissing their Nana shortly after and then running back to show their new gifts. 

Agnarr was stopped before entering further, his attention demanded by the Arendelle- Nattura kids. With a laugh,  Iduna met the couple in the kitchen. ‘’Papa was kidnapped’’ 

‘’I bet he was’’ Maren replied, while hugging the woman. Elsa did the same, grabbing the traditional hazelnut pie that  Iduna had made after. 

It didn’t take long for the house to be full, once Anna joined their celebration with her own four children and husband. The children played, opened more gifts and shared the whole day together like every holiday, every year. It wasn’t a big family but it was for sure a loving one. 

After the children were tucked in their respective beds, Elsa stepped into the room where Maren had just put little Ellie to sleep. She crawled into the brunette’s side and snuggled her closer. ‘’Hectic day’’

With a smile, the brunette nodded. ‘’ Sure it was’’ 

It was a feeling of fullness and extreme happiness that had Elsa content the whole day. And every single day. Every single side of their family was perfect and a gift she didn’t take for granted. ‘’How about I give you the _ real  _ Christmas present?’’ 

With a frown, the brunette looked at her. ‘’Real what?’’ 

It was that same frown that quickly morphed into a smirk, as her tanned skin turned to a healthy reddish blush. The blonde leaned over to capture Maren’s lips, leaning over her frame as they giggled. ‘’Don’t make much noise’’ 

‘’Then stop being so freaking hot’’ 

Their lips met again as both snuggled under the covers. The free love-making wasn’t an option anymore and they knew it. Despite everything, having each other, their bodies pressed to the other, was always a new sensation. It never got old. The only thing passing was time, as they searched in the other the comfort that always shielded them from the world. Together, they fought the biggest fights and rebuilt themselves from the crumbling pieces of a dark and painful past. But the future looked bright.  _ As long as they walked together, life would be good.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... its' the end, now for real.   
> But not so fast, there's a lot for you. No, you will not get rid of me that easily hehe.
> 
> Two stories are open now that this one has closed, may I present them to you:
> 
> 1) Burning Room - A prequel of this story filled with fluff and idiots in love.   
> 2) Higher than Heaven - A sequel of this story, filled with one shots and the Arendelle-Nattura family.
> 
> The first will have often updates, pretty much like this one. And the latter... well, every time my brain comes up with something (don't worry, though... it's often than you would think)
> 
> So yeah, it's been a wild ride.   
> Thanks to everyone who had commented and gave me enough motivation and courage to continue this *cries*   
> Have a nice sunday and lovely week.  
> See ya sooner than you expect hehe


End file.
